Twin Flame Question

[Mari]

Just as an update, he passed away a couple of weeks ago. It was interesting and sad to go back and reread this. I saw him a few more times before he passed and there was always this agitation and swirling energy surrounding him. Not sure what that was. It made me so uncomfortable I could not stay for a long time.

I thought about going many times to see if I could establish a connection and help him, but there was something stopping me. I am not sure what- whether self preservation or something that was taking him or who knows. Anyway, he is gone.

I wish there was a way to change this reality and I suppose some would say there is, but I am very far from being able to pull off anything like that.

It has been a long time since I have been on this forum. I woke up tonight and for whatever reason came back.

It has been three years and four months since he passed. I still think about him every day. For a few years, I dreamed about him several times a week. They were vivid and real dreams. I would wake up feeling wonderful and happy like he had really been there. I still dream of him sometimes, but not as often.

Yesterday while I was driving home, I felt like he was there with me in my car. When we used to be together, I used to get this incredible energy from him. We didn't have to touch, just be near each other. It was warm and amazing and I could sense his breathing and his very life force. Last night in the car, I remembered that feeling. I miss him so much.

Since he passed, my life has been so empty. Sometimes, I just cannot fathom how someone so powerful, so full of life, so much a part of my very soul, could be gone. I sometimes feel like there is actually a way to turn back time and somehow get on a different trajectory and his death would never have happened. I have always been good at manifesting and sometimes i think just maybe there is a way. Well, if there is, I don't think anyone has accomplished it yet.

Sometimes I get angry because I really believe there was an external force that caused this. In a post before he died, I said he came out and said he was afraid my own fears were causing the possibility of his death. Did they? I don't know. I also posted that I was afraid to make a healing connection with him. i know he was calling out to me but I was afraid that if i connected, somehow i would attract or get attacked by what was attacking him. I had a sense of fear and i don't think i was wrong. In addition, during that same year of his illness, my own son became very seriously ill. I had to tend to my son which kept me from attending to the man I loved so dearly. I don't think this was a coincidence at all. So anyway, I am beyond furious at whatever that was and what/who I believe to be the source. Unfortunately, I have not been able to successfully defeat it. Even if I did, I cannot bring back the love of my life. I cannot rescue him from whatever underworld he exists in now. Once, I tried to actually contact him and I think something really evil came through so I am not going there again.

So, I thought I would just take some time and come back to the forum. A number of other things happened during the three years since his passing. My son is better so that's good. I still talk to my dear love all of the time when I am alone or in the car. Sometimes I get thoughts that seem to be responses back but who knows. Just unresolved grieving, I suppose.

It is still almost impossible to believe that two lives that were so perfect, so powerful, burned so white hot, could be separated maybe forever. It was not supposed to be this way. We used to both talk about how that after a few years and resolution of some different issues, we were finally going to live the rest of our lives together in a really good and wonderful way. So, when I am alone and talk to him out loud, I find myself repeating that this was NOT the way it was supposed to end. I just do not understand.

[DarkChylde]

It has been a long time since I have been on this forum. I woke up tonight and for whatever reason came back.

. Did they? I don't know. I also posted that I was afraid to make a healing connection with him. i know he was calling out to me but I was afraid that if i connected, somehow i would attract or get attacked by what was attacking him. I had a sense of fear and i don't think i was wrong. In addition, during that same year of his illness, my own son became very seriously ill. I had to tend to my son which kept me from attending to the man I loved so dearly. I don't think this was a coincidence at all. So anyway, I am beyond furious at whatever that was and what/who I believe to be the source. Unfortunately, I have not been able to successfully defeat it. Even if I did, I cannot bring back the love of my life. I cannot rescue him from whatever underworld he exists in now. Once, I tried to actually contact him and I think something really evil came through so I am not going there again.

So, I thought I would just take some time and come back to the forum. A number of other things happened during the three years since his passing. My son is better so that's good. I still talk to my dear love all of the time when I am alone or in the car. Sometimes I get thoughts that seem to be responses back but who knows. Just unresolved grieving, I suppose.

It is still almost impossible to believe that two lives that were so perfect, so powerful, burned so white hot, could be separated maybe forever. It was not supposed to be this way. We used to both talk about how that after a few years and resolution of some different issues, we were finally going to live the rest of our lives together in a really good and wonderful way. So, when I am alone and talk to him out loud, I find myself repeating that this was NOT the way it was supposed to end. I just do not understand.

what happens when you revisit the past and a very horrendous sight , smell or vision or a threat occurs is to let it play in slow motion , i.e analyze it first and then react to it later.
this is a very critical skill honed over many years of practice , because the normal human reflex is flight or fight.