Hi everyone. I'm having a hard time over here.

It looks like my job is ending. I am a fairly long-term employee, once upon a time there was a number of us. Last summer there was a change in management, and let's just say I'm the only one left. Last week a manager who had been with us for eleven years was suddenly terminated, and shortly before that my hours were cut, and I could barely afford the bills on the hours I was getting in the first place. The biggest slap in the face was when a new employee was given the management position. I was never even considered, even though I know how to do everything.

The new boss hasn't actually sat down to tell anyone that there was a major change of staff. All of a sudden this new person was in charge and I had to call the old manager at home to find out that she was terminated.

So lots of random terminations, no one talking to me, hours being cut, being sent home early, and I was recently written up for something that I didn't do... My wife and I talked and we decided that I needed a new job, for obvious reasons.

Here's the problem-- I'm terrified of getting a new job. I never thought it was a big deal, but now that I'm looking for a new job, I'm petrified. Between being upset at losing a co-worker, being skipped over for a promotion, and looking for a new job, I haven't had a good night's sleep in well over a week. I'm in constant fight-or-flight mode.

The thought of going to a new place, training all over again, and spending hours there, for some reason it is terrifying. What if I don't like it? What if I get fired? What if I quit my job now but never find a new one? I have two kids and another on the way, I need to be the provider, but instead I'm just freaking out. People find new jobs all the time, what's the big deal, right?

Tonight I was playing with my son and randomly thought of a job offer I'm supposed to call back tomorrow, and I immediately just... froze. I couldn't move. My mind was just thinking "oh my god oh my god oh my god" and it took a while before I could move again, but I'm still panicky.

I guess this is what a "panic attack" is?

Part of me is just saying "Dude, go to the doctor and get some Xanax, you'll be fine." Another part of me just wants to stay where I am, sure I'm miserable but I know it like the back of my hand. And another part of me just wants to walk out of my life, start walking and never stop, don't even take time to pack my socks, just go.

It's amazing how much mental anguish results from a job loss...

I've had struggles with anxiety in the past, and I always just buried my face in spiritual books and meditated a lot hoping to find some kind of enlightenment. Now I realize I probably have some kind of psychological problem. But why? I'm not being chased by a bear, I'm finding a new job, I'm sure I'll survive, no anxiety necessary.

Besides, I feel foolish. I was coached by a medium a few years ago and I now am able to give accurate readings on any number of subjects. I feel like I have access to this great gift, but I've been too depressed to use it for almost as long as I've had it.

Speaking of doctors, am I going to get involuntarily committed somewhere if I'm having a certain amount of suicidal thoughts? I don't want to go into too many details, since folks obviously get very concerned very quickly with this sort of thing, but I've had a number of thoughts for every day for at least two years. I would never seriously act on such thoughts, since I am a father and provider for a family, including a pregnant wife. But I'm beginning to realize that most people probably don't live with such thoughts.

I don't have a lot of job opportunities, as I don't have a college education.

Any thoughts? Any advice? Maybe some healing prayers? I'm definitely suffering a lot...