Re: Thinking about a bad teen memory
Just because your parents are apparently "nicer" now doesn't mean the trauma of being punched in the face for being a stupid kid magically disappears. The damage is still there. You can forgive them, sure, but you still need to deal with your own trauma, regardless. Trauma memories have a different quality than regular memories, and are stored in different parts of the brain. They do need to be processed or they pretty much keep bugging you, at least on some level, indefinitely.
I found your post quite triggering, actually. Beating the crap out of you for daring to defy her sounds exactly like something my own lunatic mother would have done, including the screaming at the door for who knows how long about how horrible I was and how scared she'd been and blah blah blah. She was simultaneously a control freak and neglectful (I don't know how she managed that). She was also mentally ill, of course. I actually have lots of incidents like the one you describe.
Forgiveness is healing, I have said this for a while, but forgiveness doesn't mean self-neglect.
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
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