-coca cola. a vice but i'm being easy on myself during this time
-pretzels
-candy
-valentines day.i could care less about society and guys who are jerks,it is one of my favorite holidays and to me is about love in general and all month i consider it love month.
-after getting upset yesterday telling friend i believe in loa you'd think i'd be a better manifestor and i do believe in it with all my heart,but i havent been a good manifestor in years. what went wrong? i made it too complicated over time by trying too hard with different methods and not even controlling my mind in the moment. it's so simple,it's hard. but,it's not that hard. it's just training,discipline,and a little bit of willpower. going back to the basics again. simple thought control and daily simple non guided meditation. i've seen so much when i actually make the little bit of effort of what it's all about how quickly things change but intead i choose to be lazy and do methods. keep it simple! just control your mind.i really dislike law of attraction coaches and such for this reason. they make it so complicated. even the secret does! sure,it's got it purposes,those things,but overall,they only made it more complicated for me when iread more books and things onilne,because it makes it too much of a process such as ask,believe,recieve,and you worry about letting go and you worry about if you are accidentally blocking it with your thoughts by not having perfect wording,which is ridiculous. if you just control your mind,that's all you need to do. you don't need perfect wording or to let go. letting go comes naturally anyways as does raising your vibration when you control your mind. don't think about steps or the mechanics or the ways you will get in your way. just keep your mind generally clear and only think the thoughts you want. i made an loa challenge to myself to do this for a full week. the insane amount of change in someone's life to keep this up for a week would be miraculous. i failed after two hours and let a little doubt curtail me but in those two hours,i manifested some little things including a friend getting back to me and being a little chattier and getting awful knots out of my hair super quickly and just an overall more peaceful,clear mood. i'm back on it,and doing it again. this is so easy,just don't complicate it and don't get lazy. the feeling of well being that will take over you is amazing.you will feel yourself gently smile and feel relaxed and it's not in a super excited way,but just a nice,sane,rational way. it's really good. i'm grateful for getting back on track with this,and will keep it up.i manifested likes on a post i made real quick where the me before the last 48 hours would've expected none so i know it was intention manifestation. stop expecting. stop waiting. stop looking around. just feel good. be natural. think the thoughts that feel good. it'll all work itself out when you do this.
-deciding in my pain last night after the doubt thought curtailed me to contact the lost love...that's kind of huge...like really huge,really..and i did it so randomly..all the pain of 2014 has just made me a lot more i don't care anymore and more fearless.i would rather know things these days. it didn't go super well,but again,i think i just wanted to do it just to not feel it weird anymore. it made me think more he is a sociopath. he is J. he acted as if i was just a faraway stranger and crazy and like he was being nice talking to me and like i was the one in the wrong. and he did it all in a way where it was supposed to be charming. he wasn't mean. he responded right away and quickly. and he just sounded very off and eerie.maybe he really just didn't know how to respond but his way of responding definitely had an odd tone. it was as if he was a celebrity talking to some girl he used to hang out with years ago but was never close to and pitied. it made me sad that you can spend time with someone,and years can pass,and they can be meaningless to you. it made my mind wander to B,even except B is not a sociopath and I had hunches J was back then. It just made me wander to a lot of people and if i dated more jerks then i realize and am too into them in comparison to me. but,i know it's not true.i seen J's face when we had accidentally had that weird running into each other occurence almost year after we stopped speaking and it was priceless.it made me wonder about other guys and people who i hardly knew or did know but drifted from. i'm usually someone people can meet only once and can remember vividly years later. I mean,even A,all those years later,and he acted like we were long lost buddies when i ran into him and like he had been hurt by me. it made me see A is a good guy and is more real at least,and maybe more of the real thing then J. it seems,also i know a lot of superficial people,and i am one,too and we focus so much on our success and careers and egos. the J messaging was just awkward,but in a way helpful,as right now i affirms i am someone people remember years later and not depending on how much we hung out,and that people put on all kinds of facades and to just keep affirming to be the person i want to be.i meet a lot of people in my life,and i am someone who makes an impact. it's not odd for me because of my field to meet someone once then years later talk to them like it's not a big deal,or to really enjoy talking to them again,but maybe for some others,it's weird to them. that's their problem.
-color therapy
-desires for my apartment to add green since it's my favorite color and to decorate it more green and how healing that will be
-ideas
-best friend being on the spiritual path now,finally,it seems.i remember i had wanted that for awhile. guess that's another manifestation.
-moisturizing lip balms
-water and how good it is for you
-tanning beds and how good they make me feel
-getting a little work done last night,so getting back to being productive again
-how beautiful i am
-how young and feminine and european my face looks
-the J stuff giving me clarity even if it hurt about being more detached and kinda helping me have more closure in some ways and to just follow my pleasures instead of feeling in bondage by lost loves and potential loves
-yoga pants
-sweaters
-style
-my success and all i have going for me.i just need to see it more,and focus on it more in a way that brings me pleasure
-getting things started with getting organized tonight and yesterday finally and updating a little
-a really nice,tasty,high protein meal last night
-vitamins
-high protein foods and how great they make me feel and look
-getting back on track with exercise again and how great that makes me feel
-using J as inspiration to be more into fitness and more into success and winning,and keeping my thoughts only on what i want.i already am like that,but J makes me want to bring it out more. i am very emotional. he is very not. his lack of emotions enables him to sail through much quicker.
-that even if it takes time,i always do win it anyways
-abraham emotional guidance scale to help me see where i'm at when mood boosting.
-music
-love
-romance
-being a believer in things that others think is crazy and being myself and not giving up on that.
-freedom and the nothing to lose mindset that comes the more you lose
-new photos in my email that i had been waiting for and that they are not so bad
-my wisdom
-my personality
-knowing it's all me,it's all about the inner work. anything in disarray on the outside,it just something that needs healing within me
-that beauty that is like mine has become much more popular lately and trendy even in magazines that are catered to a men's magazine audience since that makes it mainstream and sexy
-instagram
-my innocence
-fun moments that make me laugh and laugh remembering them. the silly moments that when reflecting look so cinematic.
-being a fun person
-how accepting of a person i am and nonjudgemental
-beauty
-the sexy moments i enjoy remembering and the romantic ones