-confirming a job for primary career. haven't done a job like this in years and i think it'll be good with my plans i have.
-agency from winter who gave me a lot of work giving me a ton of jobs for april and how nice it'll be that from im going to be very busy with paid stuff until may
-T kitten
-compassion for self
-finishing my book letting go of shame that i had been reading.
-a wonderful,affirming serendipity today! I went out to back porch and seen a tiger striped cat that i was sure wasn't dad cat,as this cat was definitely smaller and then i noticed also much less afraid. I got excited thinking was this S kitten(she looks just like dad cat). It was a cat that had some white on him,and he was a boy so it wasn't S kitten. I think he was a stray since he meowed at me,and even let me pet him. But,to me this experience happened for me. As a sign that S kitten will be back. I've had many things like this happen before,where a similar or more minor version will happen and then shortly after the ACTUAL thing will manifest. It just kind of felt sign-like as well. The cat didn't even stay long,he ate a bit of the food i put out for him,and then went on his way. Shortly after,i was on instagram and seen a photo of someone with a logo outfit saying "womb mates." That's the nickname I used to give T kitten and S kitten...Maybe that part was me thinking too much into things,but even still,so interesting life is. I also think the cat coming was an experience echoing what a friend had said in messages to me the other day...that there will be times when you will be there for others,and times when others will be there for you..when she had said that it felt profound and seeing the cat today got me thinking of how naturally,i fed the cat and pet it and was going to find a way to offer it some warmth and started thinking ok,how will we help this kitty...and someone could've very likely had done and is doing the same when they seen S kitten...i found myself getting very excited almost like..electrified about the possibilities.
-sweaters
-being appreciated
-feeling wanted.
-pindi chana kitchens of india food. this flavor has the perfect amount of spice i like and is so good. i had it with some slices of french bread.
-having an amazing realization..unfolding of hmm,maybe THIS is why THAT happened before bed last night..So,I had always said i don't think i need an anti-depressant. I even got mad and didn't know why at something someone had said thinking i need something for my intrusive thoughts and feeling jealous they got something i thought was something i heard was good for that. I threw away the new med i was supposed to be trying and so was on NO antidepressant. The other day,i had noticed gosh,my intrusive thoughts have been much worse. I also acknowledged I have an eating disorder. The psychiatrist looked as if he was laughing at me as I was trying to tell him what i wrote in my notes(before this realization). So,maybe he was seeing something i hadn't yet? Just before bed,it clicked in me..my intrusive thoughts got worse...after I threw out what was supposed to be my antidepressant...I got mad because I wanted to be on anti-depressant for OCD. I had been resistant that being on an antidepressant was something i needed. Well,i realized,for me,it IS something I need...not for depression but FOR my intrusive thoughts..it HAD been helping my OCD. So,I finally realized an antidepressant is for me,and for what i believe is "intrusive thoughts." Ever since this realization I cannot WAIT to pick up my rx. My mind has been out of control and i didnt know why. He also switched my rx when i told him what i said to what i think is a good one for intrusive thoughts,though at this point the main theme for me i do need to be on antidepressant,i do need that extra help,but for the intrusive thoughts aspect of it. I had gone of for months saying depression can be healed naturally,blah,blah,blah not thinking i really needed an antidepressant until i finally understood that's what is prescribed for OCD. I think part of me since therapy had been obsessed with labels and trying to self heal myself since i don't trust doctors. even that's part of my control freak side..
-listening to some root chakras and thetas music playlist
-music
-art
-creativity
-fun
-creative expression and expressing myself
-becoming more confident
-yoga stretches
-cleaning the litter box
-cleaning out my beauty products drawer
-how much it's easier it's become to manifest paying jobs with ease
-all the job offers that have been coming in and getting better at allowing it in
-relaxation
-sweet soda
-craving soda less now that i've been on my new plan of naturally detoxing and cutting back on it
-la croix
-emojis
-pictures
-posting some new pictures of mine online
-curation
-newness and reinvention
-sending more emails out
-reassuring myself with all the mind-wandering that keeps popping up
-laughing at life
-beauty
-my eyes
-my eyebrows
-being smart
-how great my stomach is becoming
-candy
-cuteness
-my phone
-coffee
-my uniqueness
-my taste in things
-my goals and desires
-learning
-reflection
-TV episodes online
-style
-ideas
-kindness
-my beauty
-having a nice body
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