2 lists in one day because i have a half hr to spare so why not!
-deciding to color my hair right now
-going to the beach today and the peaceful water lookout point where i finally felt some calm after a very aggravating time
-the colors of the sky
-all the signs i am getting something is around the corner,even one that freaked me out since last time it meant something bad that happened literally like a day or two later!!!! but,this omen supposedly is good usually. i had several signs today,that was the only one that made me fear
-getting in a really good,life is magical,grateful for everything mood for about an hour or so in the day time before the beach. got brought down by someone's drama,but it's ok,it shows me how easy it is to do,and i'll do it again
-seeing how easy i can recieve energy from friend and how powerful he is at sending energy. it's motivating. the peaceful calm i felt at the water point...apparently he had sent me energy right before i got to that point of walking.
-heart chakra,throat,and third eye solfeggio musics which have lifted my vibration in the last hour or two which is so needed as i felt so antsy about E again realizing it's all him even on business trip when i thought i was over him,who was the one i kept thinking about him,even if about something mundane...it was him. i'm sad realizing how little i actually know about him,and i just really,really,really want to see him.i've already sacrificed the friendship knowing it may well be over,and am ok with that if we can't be friends again,but i need to see him,even it means it has to be romantic now. i'm willing to lose the friendship,even if it means losing him,as i see now,i have no choice.i'm ready to explore what we are meant to explore.i just know i'm going to see him any moment now and something big is about to happen.i can feel it in my bones,that we will see each other before these next few weeks are over,that it won't take that long,we will see each other much sooner then that.i don't know what any of this means,i just feel stuck and like i need to see him,and see what happens. that kiss meant something. that is so obvious. i was overwhelmed in march. april i had to focus on work,but now i'm ready. i've repressed so much but i think there is more significance to him then i realized. maybe i am rushing too much,and i'm obviously anxious but that's just because of my fears from past experiences. i'm also fearing how old i am starting to get. people around me are getting engaged and having all these things happen,and i feel stuck.i have direction,but am stuck. i got hit with all this muck the last two weeks but it'll be ok those things. i'm ready. i'm ready. i'm ready. i can see where things fit now,some of them. like how my ex A wasn't meant to stick around,but just for us to catch up,that's just his role. B helped me get away from D and also,maybe played a part in E and us kissing..well,he did actually. but,E is the one who has a more significant role then B and D. i'm not even mad at him,i just need to see him,to see what happens. This is insane. how has it now been almost 3 months? yikes,though actually i had thought it had been longer so feel slight relief. I need to surrender,and delete past patterns/beliefs from my subconscious and allow life to flow and not feel stuck. Anything is possible.
-that i'm determined that no matter what i'm going out sometime this week/weekend to have a nightout.
-that the good side of all this,is my will is feeling very strong,to make things happen. I just KNOW this,and that,and that and this is going to happen. I'm determined and it's done. anger has a purpose,when used constructively. sometimes,anger can climb you out of a stuck mode.
-how my eyes and skin,and face have changed. i swear it looked like i had skin makeup on today when i didn't and my eyes looked almost like they changed colors slightly and look more clear. it's so insane. also,my body is super tight lately,and very smooth from the body scrub,and the light exercises i do nowadays throughout the day
-the nice walk today i took
-how peaceful it sounds outside right now
-feelings of desire from fun desires of wanting to go out,to being able to think some guys are attractive that i see while out and about
-feeling more confident about myself lately about who i am,looks
-all the instagram photo likes today and follows
-that in some ways the loa is becoming easier i feel. i'm making it easier, and so it's becoming so. amazing things are happening to me this next week. just stay in the moment,make efforts,don't try too hard. don't be afraid to try again with things if needed and tweak your vibration. using the month of feb of this year as my motivation since it was my most magical loa month.i went through deep pain and climbed myself out with loa and manifested magic. back then,i just stayed strong and didn't give up. the month opened with pain,and closed with healing and magic. then,i admittely got little lazy and drifted and was unfocused and have been ever since,but now i'm back with it. it is amazing to me how much time has passed though,and eerie. like,what the hell happened since then? i do know. i remember how i blocked certain things,and that block is gone now. thankful for all this motivation and being able to observe my reality right now.