Everyday I start to feel a little better and like I am shifting things for the better within but then something like i'll be home and all of a sudden M walks in and has just gotten back from what i'm guessing is going to dinner with her son ans his girlfriend and sounding so joyful and I just feel sick to my stomach. I feel betrayed and degraded. That she could spend so much time going out of her way to make me feel comfortable then one day her son threatens and manipulates her and she throws me down the bridge like it's nothing. I don't get it. At all. All this time we had tension,had I known I was risking this to happen,I would've made a far greater effort to fix things. I thought I could trust her. I thought she was mature enough and adult enough to not let what she deemed my being "silly" cause this to happen. I spent all that time being jealous of time she spent with son's girlfriend and she knew it,and this has got to be the coldest response in the world. I used to be able to ask for money or anything like nothing because they encouraged me to do so,now all of a sudden i feel strange to do so. To go from telling me they will treat me like a daughter to this. I know there is problems that I need to resolve. But,I also know that this isn't right,or anything close to a solution..that there can be a way of going back to how it was. This is just all so painful,frightening,and overwhelming. My plan is to go general,shift things within subtly,say strong on some general affirmations,pray,and let life get moving in other areas since i believe that's a key to healing things. I need to focus a lot on empowerment. I feel so victimized and that will help. I won't go down like this. It'd be a mistake for her son. It may be cheesy but I feel like I have to get strong to be like a super hero wielding any attacks executed against me and conquering the bad guys. I'm done being the victim. He ruined me for far too long and he's making some really bad choices right now to try and ruin someone who literally took all he did to me and never even fought back and to try and ruin me to pieces where I have nothing left to stand on. I never thought I'd be in war with the one I thought was my hero and best friend,and thus far it feels like the biggest war I've ever been in. I refuse to feel on edge for a whole year just to get the boot like i'm some stranger. Eff that. After all me and M and her husband had been through. No. That is not truth. I refuse to let that stupid ----- girlfriend of his who has no power whatsoever but who thought she did continue to think so. They are small and they are idiots. She is just a girl. And,I was the one who taught HIM the law of attraction.
-nightskies
-T kitten and all my outdoor cats
-bumble app. if nothing else,it's nice to have a few people to chat without throughout the day.
-M's husband bringing me to my first job today. he's been busy with work but had the day off so it was nice to have some normalness
-sunshine
-M's husband giving me $100. lately,he seems to still want to treat me like a child. he's insisting i don't pay for things like dinner to go out with them because i need that money in case for some reason they cant give me money for uber,etc the dynamics of this literally contradict that of someone giving someone a deadline to be out of the house by.
-iced almond milk halzelnut latte and chocolate donuts i got for breakfast today
-getting chipotle for dinner
-seeing T kitten run to me when i called his name when i got home. so freaking cute.
-fashion
-staying strong
-that i don't have to work tomorrow
-seeing the law of attraction manifest my intentions
-the word thank you and wanting to use that word more to manifest my desires
-that i get to go to the dentist tomorrow
-prayer
-working on another recap for the past week's work
-laughing at life
-heels. wearing them makes me feel more able to take on the day
-makeup
-my phone
-trusting in the power of the universe instead of trying to take on actions myself. I trust God is good and is taking care of me and will fix the negativity being done against me. It's in God's hands.
-uber drivers really liking me because i've started to take it upon myself recently to text them after i request,where i'm at. I do this to be efficient and because ever since uber started sending them to wrong addesses and the drivers keep thanking me lately
-being smart
-black leggings
-soda pop
-sweaters
-becoming more indepdent and growing as a person despite what haters say
-trying to keep my vibe semi high despite all that is going on
-a good psychic reading session today with animal communicator. even without me bringing it up,she right away remembered S kitten when I had called. She thinks T cat is with a family and even brought up an orange cat with white which matches the description of my mother's cat and gave me some advice about him for me to look into. I am thinking about getting a reading done about this situation with ex best friend and his girlfriend.
-faith
-all that i have going for me
-my creativity
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