-realizing that i don't think J was off cocaine actually, that he just has been messing with someone new and processing that he just is not that into me. At least not anymore. It hurts.That I have to let him go. But all the combination of things. And, even if i am wrong on some things which i'm sure i am, enough of what i am seeing is he's not that into me to be behaving how he is.
-being able to reflect and see there was something to me on how i said something to him with how i asked a question and reflecting a little on what he said to me after chakra balancing my throat
-processing my feeling in general about J that i do like him a lot, feel in love with him and that this is hard. i sent a long text telling him how i feel. I thought about how he lied about being a friend, so on and so on.Reflecting on why i liked and why i felt drawn to him. I told him during that week i was going to have sex with a neighbor who tried talking to me a month ago on the porch because it'd be nice to get you know what without the games. Then, a few days later even left a gift for him to give to to the girl who called him on snapchat(a red thread bracelet i considered giving him in december) and a bottle of sauvignon blanc to bring over to her and some random stuff like magnets and things i had laying around that are merch for him.
-the neighbor being able to get ahold of him and him knocking on my door and exchanging numbers but unfortunately he is a total creep to which i ended up complaining to J saying i hope he's happy. Within 24 hrs this happens! Weird. It's like J has a super natural power. also this other thing.
-a miracle happened. A total weight off my shoulders. something that just does not happen. my court dates were....stricken. prayer works. Now i have until the end of april for my right to cure to go through. This is wow. I went to open the email from my lawyer worried expecting something annoying and my mind was blown. I still have questions and court costs are a little higher than i thought but all that time and how much different my life will be by then, it's do-able. Wow. and, also could almost seem like J is trying to keep me here too. but especially that i tell him i'm going to have sex with another guy and within 24 hrs of having the number the guy says the weirdest stuff that you would just not expect and he seemed very normal and i feel like this happens a lot with J, like somehow i stay tied to him or things falter in his favor. I was just starting to think hmm maybe i could get into being ok with hanging out with this guy, move forward and he says the one thing that would be a dealbreaker and repulsive to me and that is just odd that isn't something a normal person would say and he had seemed so normal. It was practically supernatural.
-kali mantras i've rediscovered and learning more about her and how much i resonate with her and how powerful her mantras make me feel
-trying to hydrate myself more
-sunshine
-fashion
-ordering treats for my cats
-how beautiful my cats are
-the ganesha mantras ive been using as well
-doing some more reading of the book i'm still on
-newness
-going for a walk this morning
-using my vitamin c face cream
-my burberry sunglasses
-M being nicer to me again
-finally getting my time of the month
-ordering myself a coffee maker to help me be healthier(drink less soda), and be more on a routine like i used to be(start my day with a cup of coffee) in a sunshine-y yellow color
-my little amber stone i got recently. I like the color
-music
-taking an immunity wellness shot
-reflecting on how i manifested things before
-ordering a burger king impossible burger last night
-my new hair color. even though it's kind of back to my natural hair color, it's actually a little lighter still which i kinda like, so it's still kind of different and interesting.
-not having a late fee on my storage unit
-feeling ready for fun, new experiences and to celebrate and grow
-being glad J made it to the new year with me
-cleaning the bathroom floor last night
-cleaning the cat tunnel last night
-paying attention to the unspoken and spiritual matters
-feeling like i'm getting better at manifesting
-trying to be productive
-finishing my trainings
-the weight off my back now with the court and housing stuff
-remembering my roots and trying to go back to them
-my femininity
-trying to create a better life for myself
-the people at nami helping through a difficult time lately
-my stylish coat
-sleep
-nice things to think about
-goals
-people that can be blunt with me when i need it
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks