GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

another sad day. today,because work news coming about leading me to have make a business decision on 2nd career thing i do. i also felt spacey today,and apathetic and then cried in the evening.i feel so hopeless.and,have been having signs of eating disorder.
-R from my past. the one thing that makes me feel alive. he has been on my mind a lot lately. and,he seems more and more logical to be now.i feel like i'm back in the past,and it feels wonderful. the music,the way i felt,that young feeling,the feeling of being "cool," the crazy things me and our friends did like boys climbing in our windows,smoking weed,making out at the park,ditching school,etc.i did connect with him.i brushed it aside because of ex best friend that we didn't really connect but we did. my best friend at the time may have sabotaged me from him,too. she had been revealed later to be too-faced and spread lies,and in my own journal a friend once has said she's not as innocent as i think. she may have told lies about me or blocked me from seeing him on purpose. made him think i didn't like him,maybe. who knows. she did try and break me and ex best friend up and she did sleep with R knowing i liked him.
-my medications
-skipping a day without soda. wasn't hard either
-water
-hot coffee
-friendly people
-working today
-buying more lemon bars
-getting some editing done on article
-weather feeling warmer then it said it would be
-my outdoor cats
-pretty designer things
-ordering a beautiful designer jacket i had been eyeing last night
-sweaters
-my winter boots
-my phone
-getting a facial yesterday and a glass of red wine with it
-fashion
-naps
-dental floss
-getting a ride to and from work
-mom cat going in one of the cat houses we bought for her
-the amazing restorative yoga pose my boss put me in the other day
-compliments
-TV episodes on hulu
-my desires
-memories
-hope
-M's husband praying for me

[buttercup]

-music
-finding something amazing connected to R from my past that was emotionally moving for me in another old journal while organizing. i had asked for a sign and thought i didn't get it yet,but maybe i did.
-spending time looking people up from my past on facebook.i usually don't enjoy it as i don't care for anyone from back then,but this time i felt happy and intrigued by seeing how others were doing.
-R from my past. no matter what happens after i send him the message,he has become a muse for me now.i can now see why he was important to me,and why i was drawn to him. maybe all this is perfect timing and i'm meant to heal some things with him. and,i know now's the time,because we aren't getting any younger and it's already been so long.
-spending time writing out some things about R as possible things to use in a message to him down the line. once i send him the message,it'll be semi casual,but it feels important for me to jot down the other things as well.i really want to come clean in a relaxed,bold,yet casual i don't care kind of way. i've never made the first move on a guy before and had been thinking for some time lately that i want to as sort of a bucket list item for me,and he is that perfect person. he practically crept up on me in my mind and then couldn't leave it out of all the guys i had my eye on the last months.
-fashion
-my outdoor cats
-creative dental solutions
-my beauty
-getting some more done article i've been working on. it's now just about 99.99% finished and will be definitely releasing it next week.
-becoming more confident and competant
-rest
-cat hugs
-my chanel lipgloss
-taking some inspired action
-buying some dance classes the other day.
-my medications
-letting myself change
-water
-nonconformity and things unique
-my creativity
-coffee
-feeling better
-getting some organizing done
-my winter boots
-my venus dimples
-stretches
-laughing

[buttercup]

i just want to cry when i look at how much time has passed and how much older looking and settled,people i used to know now look. when did i become so old? so many things still like just yesterday,like i was still young. everything felt so unique then,and there was such a feeling of invincibility.
-feeling confident
-getting my note sent to R from my past
-remembering excitement again
-my chanel lip gloss
-my closet transforming to my dream wardrobe
-rest
-finishing my job today
-TV episodes on hulu
-getting a quote for enamel contouring from a dentist
-my style
-my beauty
-my computer
-my outside cats
-laughing
-weather not feeling too cold and the cats seeming to enjoy the snow
-having some alcohol before i sent the note
-things that move me emotionally
-that R still looks pretty attractive after all these years,unlike most people from that long ago i knew
trying out my new pine oil in the diffuser
-lemon bars
-coffee
-getting a ride to and from work

[buttercup]

-that I sent R from my past the message
-hot coffee
-sleep
-that the outside cat shelters seem to be working
-sweaters
-TV episodes on hulu
-frankincense oil
-a good dinner
-fashion
-doing some mirror affirmations
-taking a picture of some of the things i bought myself in the last weeks to remind myself of all the abundance
-the heater in my room
-listening to some root chakra balancing music
-getting my mom's cat and brother's cat a 6 foot tall cat tower
-buying a certificate for myself for an ayurveda treatment i've been wanting to try
-water
-getting my article done
-more and more ideas with money
-stretches

[buttercup]

-lights out
-my outdoor cats
-doing a yearly journaling reflection and gratitude list and finishing it today
-beautiful life moments
-gratitude
-sleep
-having pizza without cheese and fries for dinner
-soda pop
-hot coffee
-going for a drive tonight
-weather warming up a little
-deciding to buy M's friend D a gift for his dog
-nightskies
-being able to detach a smidge from the kittens and realize they are fine and are going to be fine
-R from my past,who i'll refer to as RC from here out,and how much he's inspired me lately
-the beauty products i use
-sweaters
-the new placement of my bed
-laughing
-interesting facts that inspire me to learn more
-my hair barrette
-how young my face and skin looks
-that i've now gotten the outdoor cats halfway through december
-stretches
-how beautiful and striking my eyes looked when i looked in the mirror earlier

[buttercup]

-going to whole foods the other day for shopping and finding some new things to try
-going to the mall for shopping the other day and getting new lingerie,sportswear,and mini skirt and sweater
-the bad cold winter day being over,and now possibly the worst of the season being over with!
-weather being a little warmer today
-water and how good it is.
-lipgloss
-lemon bars
-hot coffee
-coca cola
-T kitten from third litter sleeping with me today for a few hours
-hugs with T cat from first litter. she's got the sweetest spirit.
-getting T the mom cat to come in today to the house. she has not wanted to come in when i try to bring her,but today i guess she got curious seeing her children come in so when i held the door open for her,a minute or two later,she walked in so i shut the door and she wandered the house for a minute.
-optimism
-getting a little check deposited into my account today
-how enjoyable the little trip through my past i've been taking has been lately. it's so curious,as i havent found myself thinking much into this time phrase for so long,but now i find it feeling so alive,and like it was just recently,and the desire for it has been strong
-laughing at life
-sleep
-my medications
-sunlight
-the diffuser in my room as a nightlight
-heaters
-sweaters
-blankets
-healthy digestion
-nightskies
-stretches
-my eyeglasses
-socks and how comfy they are
-TV episodes on hulu
-confirming a job today
-my face looking so great lately and young
-the solar heated water bowl for the cats. i love it. makes things so much easier.
-getting packages in the mail
-writing out my new years intentions the other night
-sending a thoughtful message i felt inspired to send to a co-worker

[newfreedom]

Gratitude FOR:

• having money xX

[buttercup]

-my motivation level increasing
-strong positive inner knowings
-lip gloss
-confirming an exciting job today that i'm pretty sure is a manifestation of a desire from awhile i had wanted to manifest. i like when that happens,it's very affirming. will also look great for the resume
-weather getting warmer
-cats.i love them so much
-TV episodes on hulu
-TV clips on youtube
-inspiration
-romance
-relaxation
-my upcoming jobs
-sleep
-my warm comfy bed
-water
-hot coffee
-lemon bars
-stroopwafels
-ideas
-coca cola
-my beauty
-the diffuser in my room
-my style
-frankincense
-getting a little direction going on again in my life
-yoga
-my medications
-my skincare products
-squats

[buttercup]

-my style
-compliments
-christmas being over
-sleep
-my warm bed
-finding missed episodes on hulu on another site
-sweaters
-deciding to focus more on my body as a new years intentions
-the job i worked on friday and how fun it was
-inspiration
-yoga
-soda pop
-getting a new phone
-the heater in my room
-my outdoor cat family
-smiling
-my beauty
-that tomorrow is a new day
-the weather getting very warm for winter overnight
-that the days are now getting longer
-coffee
-smiling
-hair clips
-my kind heart
-being smart
-cleaning up my eyebrows
-cleaning and organizing my room
-art

[buttercup]

-the holidays being over
-being back home and out of the hospital
-treating myself to a chanel lipstick the other day
-doing some organizing
-my fashion sense
-the weather being nice out
-the kindness in others
-my book finally arriving
-learning a new word that i like
-my beauty
-my body getting nice and toned and tight
-yoga
-physical exercise
-sleep
-my medications
-my chanel lipgloss
-making money
-having insurance
-cats
-sweaters
-the way the cats make me feel loved
-water
-lemon flavoring
-coca cola
-a nice coffee and donuts after leaving the hospital
-having all my apps on my phone again
-my motivation
-TV episodes online of the show i like watching
-cutting ties to negative connections and negativity from last year
-great uber rates
-cleaning and organizing my top drawer
-the little heater in my room and how relaxing it feels
-being smart and empathetic
-having goals