today was a weird and long day. it started out with me ended up perfectly on time and even a few minutes early for work,something that lately has not been as common.i ended up wearing my shoes i wore back when i first started(they just happened to be my favorite for the day) and my makeup looked amazing. while there,the day was exactly how a day would go to make you know you made the right decision. my boss was very nice and going out of her way to make me feel welcome and even telling G who sure enough did come in that it was my last day. owner ended up coming in,and someone who works there that i remember seeing in the beginning of me working there. G and my boss definitely seemed something serious. they did that thing where they talk in lower voices like people who are close to each other do and just vibed like they knew each other very well....very different then how they were months ago. it was a couple vibe. it would surprise me if they weren't together. And,so then they did end up together. The whole thing was just like a combination of seeing the loa at work with my wants,and what i had thought/pictured not neccessarily wanting. The thing with my boss telling him was how i had visualized it..and it was all very strange..a bizarre conclusion to my being there. The kind of thing that makes me want to study quantum physics all the more.i was emotional on and off by myself while journaling and reflecting while there. i had felt the feeling of being treated very nicely yet feeling utterly isolated and almost patronized...like i was this little child who still couldn't get it together,but that's ok. everyone else seems to be going on these wild exotic trips to india,and getting the guy and here i am with all my stuckness.i am grateful though for it all. The day also had gloomy weather,and the studio was playing some glum yoga music especially loudly today...it could be heard outside the studio which is not like them. When I first got there my favorite yoga studio song i always had liked was on.by the end of the day,i come home,see my check looked to have been opened up. i get upset feeling betrayed and text M and her husband and her husband explains it was him and it was on accident. i didn't buy it but was glad he admitted it. shortly after an hour later by the time this has all been resolved and i'm sure M had to have known it,she texts me back
'whatever." So,yeah,the whole day with the yoga studio was slightly surreal. And,the b.s at home is aggravating. M is cold. She shuts me off like i'm not worth hearing these days as if any little thing i say is too much for her. I still feel kind of weird. I do feel overall content about life in general,though..i have my thursdays back and after this weekend will have my sundays. I got some journaling done that felt like a deep cleaning for my soul so i feel i have a little direction now. Running is one thing I want to do start doing as hobby/fitness. And,for some reason,i just feel a lot more of an inner cheer since being off antipsychotics..i still get sad/depressed/angry,distrusting at times,but it goes away and i feel good again.
-waffles
-getting my check today
-buying the gucci item i've had my eye on the past months
-coffee
-seeing G again today
-my boss being so nice to me today,and being an awesome person in general and saying let's stay in touch
-newness
-uber
-colors
-chocolate
-M buying me that time of the month product today
-yoga pants
-becoming more independent and free
-T kitten and all the hilarious things he does. he cracks me up.
-cuteness
-all the signs of reconnection i see all the time
-emotions
-life experiences
-reflection
-whole foods orangeade
-sweaters
-working on the under the front porch area for the cats and clearing out the wooden porch sticks
-my beauty
-feeling abundant
-feeling like im growing as a person
-music
-my great taste
-deep cleansing breaths
-my abs looking amazing today
-skipping soda today despite being heavily tempted because of the mood dips
-my curves
-new ideas
-all the creativity flowing lately
-new perceptions
-hypnosis
-positive and soothing self talk
-rest
-sleep talk
-letting go
-peace
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