-mercy,compassion,and forgiveness
-how amazing the painting print of transitioned loved one looks on the trunk
-my beauty. it's important for me to say this because my anxieties and image disorder have really been grappling me lately. i've been thinking more and more about talking to a professional for help on my bdd. i was looking at old photos of myself earlier and see a hideous monster and it's causing me to behave in bizarre energy sucking ways.
-my eye for curating
-coming out a winner and giving myself some resolve from the fight in my head
-the amazing steam room session that had me feeling amazing for a few hours. the sessions are another form of meditation for me these days,and during it i felt a strong wave of emotion saying to myself i'm done being perfect. how ecstatic it would be to let go of all perfection and to just be! to be truly real and free from the bondage of fear of what others think and imperfections and how in effect surrendering to that,would have me become only even more beautiful,free,sexy,alluring,and "perfect." i just want to live now,and have fun. i'm so over trying to find spiritual enlightenment and holding myself back because of what others would think and being afraid to shine my light or seem superficial or not enough,or weird or dramatic,or anything! I just want to be. I just want to be! I just want to be! I just want to be. I have been in a bondage of overthinking and trying too hard. It's caused me to grapple with an image disorder and be paralyzed by fear of being physically harmed and to just hold myself back for far too long. I'm ready to be free and invincible and empowered,and powerful and loving every step I take and the tune of my song and expression of me that I am. i also got sweatier then i ever have during this session and just feel cleaner every time after. it's so interesting to me as i used to think of sweat as gross before.
-being productive today
-compliments and brava
-hot lavender tea
-allowing myself to feel emotional
-pretty things
-going tanning today
-living in a nice city
-trust in life and certain things building,a feeling of connection i cannot see
-clean towels
-observing my feelings,desires,and so on

-getting emails caught up
-getting social security errand done and it being done nice and quick and easy
-a few minutes on the porch at night
-how cute the cat is
-how amazing my hair has gotten,perhaps from steaming. it feels like barbie doll hair
-knowing that this too shall pass
-feeling like at the least,i've been getting in deeper touch with myself lately or even ever before which is nice. although this year has been what feels like the biggest hibernation year in years,i also feel like i'm finding myself deeper then i ever have in ways
-how fresh the air felt today
-