where i'm at right now
-had a breakdown today and had the scissors by me to cut myself after the pain. things go wrong,and it is so so unbelievably hard to get past the third limiting block. already in last few days,i broke it at least twice. i mean,on a day to day basis i'm doing better and being aware,keeping it in my head what to do,but when something goes wrong,i don't stick to it and feel awful. but isn't it normal to have ugly fights with people where you criticize them? i am so lost. the first two limiting blocks were such easy baby steps and i've kept up with so easily but these 3 and 4 are so much harder that it overwhelms me especially with how hectic life is at the moment but there's no going back either with it being revealed to me to clear them create more of what i desire. the good side is,with limiting block 1 i'd cleared came in with pronoia being my natural new subconscious backer as i seen what sent me spiraling down as perhaps happening to create so and so thing i went and did.i just hated being backtracked with how nervous i am and how hectic things are. it made me crazy but on the money front,it really made sense seeing that i wasn't in alignment with one form of money,and this perhaps happened to get me on track sooner with something i wanted anyways. pronoia is the way. surrendering to seeing my being backtracked and not getting what i wanted happened for a reason. and pronoia helped me yesterday,too.
-after someone picked up the wrong item for me yesterday which made so little sense that they clearly didn't listen to me at all that it hurt,and i went back to limiting block number 3,i later o nrealized that the final things picked up actually were perfect after they went back and got the different items and i had the extra item picked up.i had wanted these certain items,they thought from not listening i wanted something i said before but changed my mind on,i ended up getting an extra item that was perfect because that place didn't have the wrong item they seeked and shop owner suggested them something else they chose,and an even better version of another item also got picked up at another place.i had been fearful of snakes lately worrying about them showing up and the first random thing not on my list that they got instead apparently repels them they didnt know this and i googled it and found that out,that that's a primary purpose of that herb and cats love the herb too! so i can now feel more content with my paranoia because by pronoia i have something i didnt ask for that repels them. then,i got the items i did ask for to do the ritual iwanted and i even got a better version of the tea i had asked for,which had vanilla in it as well,and is in a pretty packaging and pretty tea bags that are unique. so i burned the first incense and then later did my first day of the ritual which just felt so perfect with the items i had and how i decided to do it.i used unlock incense and brought out transitioned loved one's picture,and drank the dandelion tea,and blew bubbles and wrote my positive intentions for blessings and a clear path for me and several others for moving to new place. it was my moving ritual i did and it was just perfect and it made me feel much better and more secure about moving after i did it. the universe is so funny and surrender and pronoia is so amazing.
-seeing how easy it is to change your reality by tweaking certain things to change patterns and this is so much easier then positive thinking your life away
-my clothes feeling looser despite not getting in a workout for two days
-tank tops and camisoles
-deciding that a spiritual goal of mine is to focus more on the body since i've usually not done that and focus more on energy. from what i've learned lately,so much energy is stored and memorized in the body and it seems a great way to become more grounded and clear resistances and create change is to focus more on the body such as with massage,and physical exercise,yoga,etc
-accepting logic and painful truth of others and being ok with it
-being able to eat my favorite foods and not gain weight
-potatoes
-doing some work yesterday on new project
-my bed
-deciding to cancel meetups this weekend to focus on moving and since i wasnt feeling in alignment with going
-hearing my dress arrived today
-that i get to start moving in two days
-music
-art
-chill out time
-openness
-ease
-my beauty
-my creativity
-my expression of self
-having a goal to focus my pain on as a release from it,and solace
-that i can get rid of the big couch to create the living room i want
-cats
-water
-spirituality
-the elements
-entertainment
-the internet
-my eyebrows
-my hair
-feeling more brave in some ways
-feeling ready to walk towards some things i had stepped away from for awhile
-taking honest look at my darkness so i can grow
-seeing i have changed and am changing since the june work,in the little things i am different and am seeing results here and there
-seeing things to take care of to work on and get done so i can be better
-sleep
-night skies
-hair clips
-massage
-seeing beauty in the breakdown
-becoming more and more of who i really am
-that i will now own less things once i move and embrace even more minimalism and how great that feels