1. #1471


    -getting the bulk of my money to cure. phew.
    -vitamin waters and powerades
    -despite being broke to do Botox and buy more makeup and being stressed, feeling more like i'm more attractive lately
    -four leaf clovers
    -wearing my four leaf clover bracelets lately and reattaching my four leaf clover keychain to my keys
    -J seeming to care when I was having a breakdown and drunk and sent mean texts. He texted back sooner than usual while he was at work which he doesn't do and wanted to see me. He didn't judge me for being mean
    -the on and off of J and I trying to see each other even though it still didn't happen unfortunately
    -J being cute in how he reveals himself sometimes in his rudeness, it kinda shows he's trying to hide his real feelings in a very juvenile way
    -the kind people who donated to my gofundme
    -when p cat lays under the blanket with me
    -accepting a date at the last minute with a guy who was offering me all the things of not having to pay rent, giving me shopping money, etc etc if I lived with him or was his gf. I decided why not go to lunch and when I said I needed to get cat food first he offered to take me to the store so went to the store and he let me get whatever I wanted his treat so I got two boxes of the smaller cat food they like, a bag of kibble, cat treats, Clorox wipes and Pedialyte because he thought it'd help my dehydration. We then went to dinner which was ok. I enjoyed the wine and bruschetta. Wasn't crazy about my lasagna. Then went to a dispensary and the lake and let him kiss me a little. The lake was nice. He wasn't too bad. He kept saying how lucky he was I went out with him and that I was there and called me baby girl and baby a lot. Said i'd never have to worry about cat food. It was nice getting out and feeling treated special.
    -deciding once I got home from my date to still keep my plans to meet with the photographer since I already was ready and didn't want to make him wait again since I kept canceling days so he agreed to still meet and ubered me there to the Irish pub I had ordered food from before. It wasn't too bad. He didn't think I looked bad. I ordered a fun green cocktail with baileys. Then had a few more and he ubered me home. It was nice to socialize after having been going through so much stress and barely being social these days. It was nice feeling normal amongst the chaos. It felt like I was getting my life back. Thinner me, going on a date, being provided for, meeting a work contact, having drinks, going to the lake and having weed. It was a full day for me.
    -again getting signs about J that he's mine in a big way. The song I strongly associate with him came on during dinner on my date. Then, sure enough after our date, this guy wanted to see me. All went well. He randomly got upset by something small that wasn't my fault and in mid Convo just started ignoring me.This doesn't happen. Another guy out of the picture since meeting J. I'm surprised I even was able to go on the date but ever since I met him guys end up out of the picture very quickly either by doing something random and weird that repulses me or they just randomly lose interest. I've even had guys who were friends leave my life permanently. It's almost spooky.
    -The hud intake interview lady requesting a tro for me and filling out the questions for that and sending in my edits for the interview I did with her
    -my feminine energy
    -being considered beautiful and a prize, a bit of a showpiece
    -new inspiration
    -my new wide leg pants
    -my converse sneakers
    -J is upset with me right now, I can feel it. I practically bribed him with the thing he's been wanting and threw myself at him and he suddenly didn't want it. In the moment he did, but then shortly after I haven't heard from him. He wouldn't just reject that. And he hasn't responded to any of my texts. I told him about my date the night before. I'm thinking now he's upset with me about that. Before I thought he was involved in something else that scared me, but now I think I was just paranoid. But,I think this shows it's not just using me for sex.It's really weird.
    -having a random song come to me that I played and the lyrics and vibe were exactly the emotion and words and vibe I felt like he could be feeling or was feeling or a song he was listening to about me. It was strange. My psychic connection feels a little more on lately.
    -remembering my dream I had just now of J where he changed his social media to the name of my ex who hung himself and had a wilted rose emoji in the bio.
    -m's husband coming by to unclog my shower drain
    -dreaming someone unclogged my shower drain the morning of
    -ordering groceries off Amazon the other night
    -finally ordering my astaxanthin vitamins recently
    -ganesha mantras
    -finding a Ganesha sound I can play while laying down or doing other things
    -sleep and sleeping so deep lately
    -mopping and cleaning the back of the kitchen floor the other day
    -doing my written affirmations
    Last edited by buttercup; 19th March 2024 at 08:12 AM.

  2. #1472


    Things have been very spooky and uncomfortable. A lot has changed and I just am waiting for things to feel normal asap.
    -court case dismissed today. I won.court record will be sealed. And resolved and now closed.
    -that im a winner and tend to win things.
    -getting a pedicure today to treat myself for my win and do something for my beauty since I've been feeling very unattractive the last few weeks
    -darkening my hair color a little more the other day
    -staying strong in m not hearing from her in over a week now and her phone seeming to be on do not disturb. Her husband not answering my texts or calls either. It's very hard on me what is going on.he had just came to fix the shower and said he'd come back in a day to drop off something for it. It's weird. J disappeared in the middle of nowhere too. I was patient until I realized no this isn't cool. He knows better by now how much it hurt me when he ghosted me before. I thought we grew better than that. It was in the middle of me throwing myself at him after i had a dream that he might be hurt or in pain. It was weird. And after I told him about my date and accused him of his friends following me. One suspicious timing and one that seems like he was hurt by me. I felt energy come from me a few days later, waves of sadness like I wanted to cry. After that I wasn't feeling his energy really. It freaked me out. It felt like he wasn't here. I think I started to feel him again a little since a few days ago.i also asked for a sign from him and nothing. Things kept happening as if saying I'm not meant to be with him now. I was suddenly having obstacle after obstacle with my court case and staying here. But I recently started getting signs. Hearing thunder right after I think of him and some stuff in YouTube videos that pop out buti can't remember if they count as a sign. I think I do but I don't remember what they were.
    -getting signs from J and having a strong telepathic connection to him. That has to mean something.
    -figuring out who I think was trolling me by finding a profile of mine and saying strange thing s like they are angry and want me punished.
    -loving my cats and how sweet and beautiful they are
    -my lavender Marc jacobs bag
    -finding out that j didn't lie about his name the whole time. I looked at a pic I screenshotnof him and overlooked before hid birthday cake in a pic says that name on it
    -the cat tunnel my cats play in
    -drinking water
    -using Aloe Vera as a beauty product and it going well so far
    -the weight off my shoulders from court bring dismissed
    -my strength. I did what I had to do and it was soul crushing but I had no choice.
    -the helpful people at the pawn shops and pawn shops in general since they gave someone like me a way to get a loan.
    -doing my ganesha mantras
    -my dad helping me out with a little money to get me through
    -an angel friend venmo-ing me money when I needed it a week ago
    -some good news at least to make me feel better
    -finally getting an adderall prescription
    -being able to order toner
    -trying to stay strong
    -getting an insane glimpse into a possible future for me. I was watching psychic videos and one called out to me. It described a situation of mine with an ex I thought I hated and would never let back in my life. It was too eerie, the details. It showed ex j from a few years ago wanting to come into my life and that he's getting a divorce and there was more details. The things said were so specific, it was no coincidence. I then couldn't help but get curious and they do seem like they are going thru something of a divorce. Every video she had with him and pic completely gone. A tweet that exposed some info. It was insane. So, he might be coming back to me if this info is real and I can't help but think it is. Too many things. Another one said very specific similar things down to a not common phrase I used during the situation it was like it called out to me to verify yes, this is for you. Maybe he is just what I need and the one who would fix a lot of issues in my life.
    And that he would forgive me for my side of things. I didn't think ever but it said he was seeing things differently now and seeing my side of things.
    -nami crisis line for helping me when I need it
    -baby wipes
    -my new four leaf clover notebook
    -astaxanthin supplement I ordered recently
    -the stalker text thing finally giving me some info
    -my skin dryness healing
    -my eye sight feeling better after quitting topamax
    -feeling less depressed and less bogged down since quitting topamax
    -my femininity
    -my sense of style
    -buying my cats treats yesterday as a treat for resolving my court stress
    -my pink sculptural table
    -being creative and resourceful
    -looking at my ex's pic on my phone and it soothing me, making me feel stronger
    -things slowly starting to feel a little more normal and like they'll resolve and get grounded
    -finding J's possessiveness kind of cute
    -ordering new headphones because the ones I've been using are just too broken
    -being able to reflect to try and understand my reality
    -kind and friendly people
    -getting congratulations on my court win
    Last edited by buttercup; 3rd April 2024 at 12:30 PM.

  3. #1473


    -deciding to believe the bad happening right now is leading me to what I want
    -coffee cakes
    -finally donating plasma again, a small first step of doing little things in between getting jobs again and making sure i'm getting money. It felt good to suddenly feel that increase in ease
    -my weight check since December and officially having lost 31 lbs now, half the weight I want to lose. Very proud of myself
    -feeling like i'm clearing dark energy that's been sent to me over the last few years by people
    -drinking water
    -staying calm-ish during these very turbulent times
    -aloe vera
    -my skin becoming more hydrated
    -astaxanthin supplement
    -someone in their car calling me beautiful and God bless
    -having a compassionate soul
    -my love for my cats
    -trying to process my fears and blockages to seeing my ferals so I can stop feeling so nervous to do it
    -my four leaf clover
    -my Uber driver being kind when I talked to him about stuff that was going on with the bullying texts I'm getting
    -hope and perspective that it might not be J actually who did the stalking/harassement texts
    -deciding I need to stop paying so much attention to psychic readings online
    -my sense of style
    -touching up my hair color and making it a little darker
    -having nice eyes
    -feeling like I'm being seen as more attractive again when i'm out and about which feels good
    -doing some Hindu mantras
    -how cute my cats are
    -ordering a toner I think will be good for my skin
    -applying to some jobs tonight
    -yoga stretches
    -feeling like I'm working on a plan
    -doing some written affirmations and trying some new ones
    -clean clothing
    -my neighbor with the dog being friendly and chatting with me about my cats the other day
    -being creative and resourceful
    -how much better I feel off topamax. more mind clarity, better eye sight, less bogged down and depressive
    -trying to stay determined and boost my productivity
    -applying for utility assistance
    -my femininity
    -positive affirmations
    -deciding I want to go on a spiritual healing journey
    -beta blockers
    -getting a refund on the nail polish that wasn't really nail polish
    -quiet and appreciating it and the benefits of it
    -fun things
    -feeling like I'm getting more clarity in some ways on some things
    -staying determined
    -working on my confidence
    -baby wipes
    -clorox wipes
    -hand soap
    -physical exercise
    -my accomplishments
    -things i've done before showing I can do it again since I've done it before and can look in it for inspiration and how to
    Last edited by buttercup; 6th April 2024 at 09:18 AM.

  4. #1474


    In times of extreme hardship, look for the good. Anything even the smallest of things.
    -I got a free trial size vitamin c moisturizer with the toner I bought so I'm ok on vitamin c skincare for a little while
    -how beautiful the sky looks right now
    -crying and letting it all out, how I've felt about a certain painful situation going on for 2 years now and putting into words
    -having money for cat food
    -getting my cats treats last night
    -appreciation and remembering. Savoring some appreciation early morning for the night J and I had our first kiss
    -learning about the moon, what phase it was in, some romantic details about the night we first kissed that adds specialness to the memory
    -how beautiful the moon can be
    -getting some slight ideas on things to do about my problems
    -applying to a few jobs last night
    -deciding to stop watching so many psychic readings
    -clean socks
    -trying to be strong
    -the writer side of me
    -japa mantras
    -having desires. That leads to clarity to where I want to go.
    -realizing I can organize things a little bit so it won't seem as overwhelming or time pressured
    -the light within me
    -trying to tap into my ambitious goal oriented version of me again
    -my clover pillow
    -letting myself cry
    -the tunnel toy I have for my cats that they love
    -believing in myself
    -trying to break up what I need to do, the things that scare me into baby steps
    -the weight loss I've accomplished. Half the weight gone
    -great affirmations that give me hope and determination
    -my love for my cats
    -my skin dryness healing
    -baby wipes
    -clorox wipes
    -beautiful things
    -lights off and how peaceful it is
    -my spiritual knowledge

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