another sad day. today,because work news coming about leading me to have make a business decision on 2nd career thing i do. i also felt spacey today,and apathetic and then cried in the evening.i feel so hopeless.and,have been having signs of eating disorder.
-R from my past. the one thing that makes me feel alive. he has been on my mind a lot lately. and,he seems more and more logical to be now.i feel like i'm back in the past,and it feels wonderful. the music,the way i felt,that young feeling,the feeling of being "cool," the crazy things me and our friends did like boys climbing in our windows,smoking weed,making out at the park,ditching school,etc.i did connect with him.i brushed it aside because of ex best friend that we didn't really connect but we did. my best friend at the time may have sabotaged me from him,too. she had been revealed later to be too-faced and spread lies,and in my own journal a friend once has said she's not as innocent as i think. she may have told lies about me or blocked me from seeing him on purpose. made him think i didn't like him,maybe. who knows. she did try and break me and ex best friend up and she did sleep with R knowing i liked him.
-my medications
-skipping a day without soda. wasn't hard either
-water
-hot coffee
-friendly people
-working today
-buying more lemon bars
-getting some editing done on article
-weather feeling warmer then it said it would be
-my outdoor cats
-pretty designer things
-ordering a beautiful designer jacket i had been eyeing last night
-sweaters
-my winter boots
-my phone
-getting a facial yesterday and a glass of red wine with it
-fashion
-naps
-dental floss
-getting a ride to and from work
-mom cat going in one of the cat houses we bought for her
-the amazing restorative yoga pose my boss put me in the other day
-compliments
-TV episodes on hulu
-my desires
-memories
-hope
-M's husband praying for me