GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

-J tried to fix things with me. He suddenly called me and texted seemed very insistent, wanted to talk, said he didn't care that i didn't shower that i could shower after he didnt want to do anything and it seemed like he actually cared like my last texts before that actually got to him. He didn't talk about what i thought we'd talk about nor was it some romantic outpouring but that he seemed to really want to talk like that, that seemed like care. I think he cares. It might be the first time i seen that. And, i think i finally don't think he sees me as a whore and i got some clarity on other things so we somewhat amended and one thing is for sure we are growing closer. I feel it each time we see each other. It feels like cupid arrows being shot in us. Like, one day we were strangers i thought he was an idiot he probably thought oh, random girl let me try and get her number then it turned into attraction then later some feelings and i feel we are both growing on each other in different ways. in a friendship way, too. or like we are in a relationship. something is deepening, the way we talk to each other. We are starting to lose some of the early awkwardness. I think we are falling in love with each other. He may not be showing it at all, but i think we are starting to mutually realize something about our connection. He only started treated me worse since the new year started but, in a way i feel closer too, i am sensing slight having trouble saying certain things.
-back to thinking J is off cocaine again
-the beauty of flowers
-realizing the power of humidity and dryness and how the dryness has really affected my skin making it look so bad but that i can reverse it and starting to get and stay consistent with hydration therapies like humidifier, drinking more water, etc. I'm now more convinced that humidity and moisture is more important than anything with anti-aging
-getting a surprise flower delivery for valentines day
-fashion
-people who speak my vibe online
-hugging and baby talking to my cats
-clean clothes
-getting responses from hud that seem like they will help my case a lot
-how powerful my hindu mantras have been. my kali mantra's, ganesha, and kamadeva all showed results within a day or 2
-chakra balancing
-drinking water
-touching up my hair color
-signs he cares like asking what did i eat today and interrogating me for some reason about my upcoming job and i had no idea why it was so random i asked did he want to know the name of the person because i didn't know what he was trying to loo for and i was asking somewhat sarcastically and then it seemed like he was just wanting to know more about what was going on, from a protective place like making sure i was being safe and not going into something dangerous. I think he almost or was about to ask how did i get the job or something implying to make sure it wasn't like with some weirdo it was interesting maybe he heard what i do is dangerous and has some misguided ideas. i'd be offended that he doesn't understand i'm a professional and very experienced in what i do but was so thrown off by actual potential care it was interesting
-ordering a bow hair tie
-getting all these signs and clear knowing feeling i'm supposed to be with J
-how cute and loving my cats are
-looking at a pic from a recent job and realizing wow, i look a lot thinner almost my old weight and i didnt do anything in the last few weeks
-red light therapy and how beneficial it is to my skin
-music
-manifesting my desires
-increasing my power
-selling my jacket off poshmark
-newness
-new opportunities
-my determination