1. #1131


    ugh. one of the things besides the heartbreak and losses of 2018 that gets to me a lot is ever since the end of that year, my weight has had trouble going down. it starts to go down a little bit, but then up again and it's just made me so ashamed and lose any pep in my step i had. being thin makes me feel more confident and able to take on the world. i never thought i'd be someone with a weight this high and it's embarrassing. it keeps me from wanting to do things and go out. i am starting to be more active again and some days my clothes even feel a little slightly loose. I just think getting to my thin self is a key to getting me back. its going to happen. i know it. i just have to stay focused yet let go at the same time and do the right things.
    -the sexy new guy i've been talking to
    -M's husband coming by unexpectedly to finish fixing the carpet
    -using bleach to clean up some stains on the counter
    -my blue vive hoodie
    -being cool
    -the little heater in my house
    -getting my reimbursement a day early
    -buying another vintage chanel piece last night
    -pleasant memories
    -M's husband bringing me over some sponges which i just happened to need
    -my lips
    -having a baby face
    -my cleavage
    -brushing my hair
    -my feral cats having their own house and that it's heated
    -not taking myself too seriously
    -doing positive activities
    -being a nice person
    -that i should be getting another check tomorrow
    -clean clothes
    -submitting to a new agency today
    -tuning into my desires
    -reflecting on my manifestations
    -organizing, decluttering and rearranging
    -my alexander wang bag
    -feeling my feelings
    -being smart
    -my talents
    -finding out what's going on with some other payments i'm owed
    -updating things
    -having nice hair
    -having great cheekbones
    -all the amazing past photos i have from my career
    -my phone
    -my laptop
    -my beauty
    -my eyeglasses
    -being positive
    -things with my bank starting to go more in my favor
    -apricot oil
    -having a caring heart
    -learning to become better with my interactions with others in regards to socially and dating, getting better at filtering and being patient and letting and so on.
    Last edited by buttercup; Yesterday at 04:04 AM.

  2. #1132


    -buying some new lingerie and getting a great deal on some really cute stuff
    -feeling like i'm being flirted with more often again
    -my white rose bear and galaxy rose which is so pretty i got from dose of roses
    -being talented
    -the little heater in my apartment
    -drinking water
    -clean clothes
    -brushing and blow-drying my hair
    -using rose bubbles to set intentions in the morning
    -having nice curves
    -getting paid the other day and it unexpectedly being a much bigger check then i expected
    -hoodies and sweaters
    -iced almond milk lattes
    -vegan food
    -R from bumble app
    -physical exercise
    -staying strong
    -paying off a balanace yesterday
    -the ability to see/eyesight
    -getting my lip mask in the mail today
    -the ferulic acid and reserveratrol serum i've been using
    -being kind
    -being self-aware
    -how great my botox has been looking
    -having great taste in things
    -buying a new kitchen garbage can
    -taking some actions
    -my authenticity
    -having character and integrity
    -my lips
    -laughing at life
    -my femininity
    -being unique
    -M's husband giving me a ride to jobs


    me and the guy i was talking to are done, before it even began. i was sad and off crying all day about it and took two extra ativans. he wanted to meet up and i said maybe then tried confiding in him about my past to overcompensate for the fact that he seemed like he felt rejected or something and i wanted to let him know it's not him and i did agree to meet up or next week then he said im not ready for dating basically. later in the evening,i gave him a piece of my mind telling him i think part of him is saying that because of his ego and that we are all works in progress and i just go with the flow and i feel like im ready to date i will and that he needs to do some growing himself, etc, etc. Very sad. I thought i liked this one. A rotten day. I was literally having anxiety all morning and thought honesty would be the best thing. Yeah,i should've filtered more that was a mistake but him and how he was is also a mistake and i can do better.
    -giving R a piece of my mind later in the evening after he rejected me.
    -being strong
    -feeling my feelings
    -beautiful things
    -being authentic to myself
    -the breeze by my window
    -physical exercise
    -standing up for myself
    -ferulic acid and reservertrol serum
    -having money
    -being productive
    -my talents
    -my confidence starting to go up a little more
    -cute animal stories
    -staying motivated
    -having empathy for others
    -having nice eyes
    -pleasant memories
    -having nice lips

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