-understanding it really is darkest before dawn. ever since starting this work in june,i've had some things fall apart and felt in some ways more awful about who i am but i guess that's part of "losing your mind" and last night as i tried to cut the habit associated with number 4,i felt awful and dealing with all that silence and quiet brought up awful feelings.i told myself this is natural and just part of healing and that wow,i must've really been distracted to be this upset,but still i felt awful,but i cut back and made some progress even if my mood felt low,i like to believe it was cleansing and part of spiritual detoxing and that from the fight with ex to L telling me to f---- off in the last few weeks is for my highest good and part of the cleansing,and maybe even the E stuff recently.i trust that is going to bring me closer to my heart's desires even if it feels awful at first.
-bouncing back after missing my class today and feeling acceptance about it,and like it wasn't meant to be. making pronoia my subconscious belief system is becoming so natural!
-deciding to order the pronoia book i've been wanting today
-feeling spontaneous and creative and deciding to make a vegan heart chakra cake since i had a heart chakra pan with a heart hole in the middle that to me represents open heart,like the beautiful heart chakra sensations i'd get back few years ago when my heart chakra was opening a lot then and i was surrendering deeply.i used green food extract i had lying around and added basil on top which i randomly read just last night is great for heart chakra. the cake came out beautiful the taste was on point. it feels so good to be creative in any way,so good for the soul. and to be spontaneous,too! i love it.i love my expression of self.
-coffee i had with my cake
-after strange dreams,more thoughts to ponder about the true nature of reality and it's connection to dreams
-amazing business news today and getting things started from business partner. looks like my time off is near done! she had amazing ideas and implemented the start of our new ventures today. so exciting.i must admit,it instantly changed my mood when seeing that when first waking up.
-keeping my energy soft
-after before bed thinking about some other work thing i want that would make me feel better when thinking about what do i want,what will make me happy,i randomly got an email inquiry for work. so serendiptious! today has been a great career day in both areas of my work!
i sincerely now have complete direction in my life
-things feeling easier
-all i have going for me
-all the things i want to do,and try
-being honest with myself and realizing one of the reasons things ARE so hard for me is i'm very high end with work and most things i literally cannot do,or it'd be a downgrade from where im at and not look god. it is a problem. not being negative,but honest,that being in that place where you are high on the top,but not a-list famous can have it's hardships of being able to say yes to as many things because of image,and what it'd actually do for you
-abundance
-how much abundance has increased over last few years
-perception opening to show me positive new ways of looking at old stuck things and seeing look how some things can change,even if you can't see the way yet for all of it. ease. focus on one thing at a time,make one step at a time to better yourself
-how cute the cat is staying with me. i don't know why anyone says cat's aren't submissive. these animals are just as needy and submissive as dogs,well maybe not as much but they show all the time how much they want your companionship. of course,my family always had a weird relationship with our cats,where we were very possessive of them.
-creativity. the word of the day. love it. and creation. just in so much of a mood to explore creativity and create.
-eyeglasses
-focusing on small change and progress vs beating myself up over little errors or not being able to make big changes at once. as long as the change and progress is real.
-best friend
-trying the cayenne pepper in my smoothie just a tiny amount to start and loving it. i am glad i followed my being drawn to peppers.
-ideas to better myself and life
-fans
-spiritual detoxing
-just being