-that somehow despite all that's going on,i'm saying yes to more things. maybe this is what's meant to happen,to learn how to say yes to more things at once,and see it all comes together
-a nice pleasant soreness from cycling last night
-coffee
-muffin
-trying this creamer best friend's mom suggested to me,and it being quite good
-email from S
-ex A contacting me this morning and making plans to see me this weekend. so random.
-having a dream this morning that L apologized to me
-the internet
-meditation
-creative ideas. who knows,maybe deep pain and being reset will really help me to become in the flow and have more things happen at once,and more ease with it. that was always a block for me in the past(having a lot going on at once overwhelmed me). but it seems that's a theme for me lately. in driving,you have to focus on a lot at once,and be focused. at the fitness seminar,you had to focus on a lot at once(doing the movies,being on beat,saying the moves). i'm also realizing a goal for me,is i want to start getting things done quicker. i take a long time to get ready,to clean,things like that and now it seems it's time for that to stop. it seems i need to learn how to take on more at once,and handle it with flow,while loa decluttering and getting things done quicker which is perfect for meditation becoming more important in my life again since that declutters me and simplifies my spiritual routine without me feeling the need to do a lot. it calms my mind.
-getting a follow up for a job offer from first career.
-my meds i've been taking
-being smart
-being beautiful
-sleep. slept a lot again. though,i think i started to have a panic during sleep. i do not remember,it may have been the other night i am thinking of,i just have a memory of my heart starting to speed up like crazy
-writing notes to myself from freeneville podcasts ideas of what my ideal life would look like.i couldn't fully answer the question but so far,i got that i would be living in a simple and minimal,small-ish but luxe apartment in a at least reasonably safe neighborhood. meditate daily,do yoga daily,walk and grab a latte at a nearby cafe. that's as far as i got. in an existential mind crisis,i asked myself what would happily ever after be for me at this point,and i realized there is no happily ever after,just a series of happily ever afters but the best i could come up with at that moment is i'd love to see an article published on a certain publication written by me.i like questions like this since they get the mind thinking about what the heart really wants.
-choosing love,no matter what. it hurts so freaking bad what's happened to me,and it logically feels idiotic to love,but i still do.i can't help but still love best friend and forgive him. i can't help but still be reasonably nice to my mom,and so on. people hurt me,and i can't stop choosing love.
-that i've gotten this far since the news broke and what i've gotten so far since then from that done.
-my phone
-seeing loa at work for example,i didn't want the hospital job,but i didn't really fight it,i just knew i didn't want it,and kept it to myself,and then somehow the text "magically" transformed to me being offered a computer instead of me being told why i need to be computer savvy. that's actually kind of cool if you think about it.i was supposed to text saying i am computer savvy and from there get more info on this,and instead got offered a laptop he was giving away. super weird.
-getting pics selected for job 2 i do
-makeup
-emailing myself job listings and getting a little excited thinking about the possibilities
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