-mountain dew
-vegan chili
-coffee
-doing some short meditations today which helped a little
-doing some deep breathing and visualization to change scenarios in my mind when i had anxiety this morning. everything is in the mind,and to think otherwise is an illusion. to buy the peal of great price and truly master the mind is to master life
-getting out of the house for awhile and feeling reassured by some things
-doing some driving and feeling like i am getting better at it,and am about 80% there to being able to get a liscense. i'm driving faster,and drive side streets smoothly,and busy streets i can handle if my mind is calm enough
-doing an loa de-clutter so i can go back to basics again and the ease of life again like i had in 09 when life all around me was chaos. life is bigger chaos now,and this time i'd like to enter an even deeper surrender and ease
-knowing i need to just get a handle on my mind,and stop thinking outside affects of anyone whether it's psychic attack from my brother,small thinking from best friend's dad,manipulation from best friend's girlfriend,or reiki from best friend can be stronger then me. my biggest flaw has been constantly looking outside myself for blame and to be a victim and my mind going in so many directions looking for the cause which contradicts everything i claim to believe in on a conscious level. it's no wonder i've had trouble. i've constantly thought i had loa on my side,as i talked out loud about it yet kept worrying about things outside me causing me to fail,and had such deep filters on. that isn't buying the peal of great price at all. and i'm going to clear these filters little by little until i manifest with ease,and stop having so many doubts. i'm making some progress with keeping my desires and beliefs to myself as well. i talked less about best friend today to best friend's dad and avoided asking about him which normally would be so tempting. my biggest problem,and only problem was that my mind was indeed out of control
-sleep
-making it through another day
-the serendipity i got when my pain was deepest which i believe was telling me to be strong,and don't give up,i will get what i want and things will get right
-emailing some job postings to myself and getting some inspiration about that and what's possible
-getting a few dishes washed last night
-knowing all i need to do is clear resistances and filters. that's all my problem really is,and that's what enough meditation should finally do. no more complicated loa processes. just deep,deep meditation until everything shifts and rearranges itself again