GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

in some ways the day was weird,in other ways normal..i woke up late and M was just arriving as I was feeding the cats. She asks me a question in such a normal voice tone that I find it incredibly icy. And,then all besides that,there's this hard tension like I don't know what I can say anymore. To me,she is literally playing cards with the devil. I was positive for most of the day,reciting affirmations calmly in my mind and trying to embrace gratitude,being silent and being in the moment for little moments throughout the day. I had antsiness when M's husband took awhile to get back to me despite it being normal for him to be like that. I remembered that the things i'm doing on a day like today,are growing for me,and do still give me a little anxiety. I felt anger later on again towards M thinking about how hard I have been working and how much progress I have made. I popped a couple inderal towards the end of the day to calm myself during work from anxiety. M's son made a promise to me. How forgetful he can be. He promised in that last phone call that no matter what I would always have a place to stay even with his parents. He also forgets he silenced me. It's not like me to never get revenge and to be so passive when someone does awful things to me. How idiotic he is to not have thought of that. If I get kicked out,because of him,I no longer have anything to silence me and it won't be pretty. I was treated disgustingly. I was abused and it's been hard being silent after all that went down. But,i kept my part. All I want is a safe haven so i can heal and trust again. He needs to stop trying to destroy me and to move on and live with his decisions. Him and his girlfriend have been high on power and need to be taken down a notch and realize they can't bully others to get whatever they want. He plays with dark energy. She is high on power because she feels good about herself for having in her mind "won" a guy by taking him away from his wife,and then his sick best friend he had known for over a decade. Combine that with his law of attraction knowledge. I'm taking my power back. He is so different from how he used to be. The way his parents even describe him..they make it sound like he is so disrespectful. He never used to be like that. He used to always be the polite,obediant to his parents. I heard today from M's husband that she had bad dreams,today too(I had another nightmare). I wondered what they were about but he only said one was about his brother. Sometimes,from time to time when I am alone,I actually do get worried someone from where he lives now is going to try to kill me. I know that sounds crazy but he has changed and is darker now and with a bad crowd and this girlfriend sounds too psychotically obsessed with me to the point of creepy. But,I'm done. I'm taking my power back. Sometimes this all sounds like a dark soap opera but they are idiots and i'm ready to rise above them like i am already am
-art for healing.
-makeup
-staying strong and getting my job done. i think right now,it's just about letting these first few days pass while shifting my vibe a little and then things will start to change,and get easier,and easier again.
-meditating tonight. so far,i've been keeping up with meditating every other day.
-cleaning the top of my desk and putting my clothes away
-my heart chakra spray
-deciding to take my power back and feeling it within
-leggings
-chips
-yoga
-physical exercise
-music
-art
-expression
-connection
-helpful people
-friendly people
-affirmations
-quiet
-calmness
-using this as a mantra for the past day-ish "stop weaving and watch how the pattern improves." rumi took me some time to really grasp that and now i do
-remembering i can change the story at any moment.
-the escentric 02 perfume i've been wearing
-all my outdoor cats
-love
-deciding to get a collar for T kitten and H cat as well after getting a hunch,to.i got a triangle pattern for T kitten and peacock print for H
-self compassion
-my beauty
-my bed
-blankets
-sweaters
-night skies
-playing around on a couple dating apps...i used to be so against them but after all the fear the other day,i joined a few and so far haven't deleted them..usually when i do something like that,i delete them super quickly. I think one key is not taking them seriously and thinking of them as chances to make friends and just meet new people. so far,i like bumble app the best.
-coffee
-water
-kindness
-social media
-pictures
-tea
-relaxation
-deep cleansing breaths
-slowness
-entertainment
-talent
-another possible job confirmation today
-people who want to work with me
-inspiration
-uniqueness
-trees
-having nice curves
-style
-that it didnt rain today
-having money