i cannot believe it's been 3 weeks since i heard from him,over 3 weeks. time really is an illusion. sometimes,it feels like parts of time are "missing" even. it's weird as in where was i really for all of that hour.
-shadowing for best friend's mom to be a volunteer at a gym she works at. it felt good. on one hand,i feel like i'm getting a lot done the last weeks,but then on the other,it feels far from enough,too. and,one thing i've realized is that i've traded one fear for another,as in,i now start to have fears oh,well what if they die,and so really my core fear is just being able to take care of myself. that's all i need to eliminate. and,i thought the key to eliminating that was to become 100% independent,which i now disagree with.i think,also i discounted myself in some ways.though,i am stunted in some ways,there's a lot of things i have done,and have grown with,and i have some things that are more wise then the "average" person. it's not like the last years were a total waste.and,so where i'm currently at,is i do want to catch up on the areas i am stunted with,that's what I TRULY wanted all along. I want to trust myself,and trust life again.
-doing a yoga class again tonight.it was nice. i'm getting really sore from all the classes i've been taking
-great weather today
-seeing a friend i haven't seen in over 2 years today for brunch
-getting our brunch comped and only needing to pay for my latte
-how good the latte was with coconut milk. i may have tried a coconut milk latte before,(i don't remember).
-inspiration and hearing how my friend has had setbacks,too even similar to mine such as having to go live with her father and share a room with her son at a point in her life
-that everyone seems to think the separation from best friend will be a good thing because it'll help me grow and become more independent and give me freedom
-feeling like a reset button's been pressed since he broke the news and like things are opening up
-getting an invite online on a social media randomly from e's friend to a party. very strange
-my phone
-staying strong
-getting some clarity on something i thought was more of a lie possibly,which was nice
-my meds i've been taking.i think they may actually be helping