-a lot of things back to normal. heat being fixed. youtube sound being fixed so i can listen to my music easily today
-being so spoiled i actually feel kind of bad.i had all these considerate messages and emails and pies brought to me,offered to be brought to me,and offered to be made for me.
-physical exercise and how good it makes me feel and look
-water
-going groceries shopping today
-sweaters
-getting laundry done today
-getting a peppermint mocha latte today
-sportbras
-my skintone being darker and how good it makes me feel and look, the mindset boost from the light as well
-finding out i'll get peppermint oil bought for me which is great i wanted that for my throat chakra
-colors
-moods and inspirations
-vegetables
-being complimented all the time
-some very disturbing stuff happened last night with D. I wonder if it's a sign because i asked the universe for one. I all of a sudden had it hit me that D is doing something creepy to spy on me. it made me feel very uncomfortable and violated. so,i did something which ended up being a test,too that affirmed he is.i posted on my blog saying feeling really creeped out and minutes later,he texts me. it's random for him to do RIGHT after i posted that,like ten minutes later and then not only that but he said if i want to chat about anything,i have his full attention. he never says anything like that..i don't post links to new posts or anything to my blog. I'm aware people find it and read it but i thought they go to it,i found out he is literally getting notifications sent to his phone privately every time i post. I didn't know that people could even do that. I then gave in talking to him more saying why does he does he seem ok after all the dark stuff i revealed to him and stuff about my past and he is normal at first saying he's not a judgmental person but then says he likes my dark side.i should be flattered about that,i guess. but there's more and also the dark side he is referring to is me telling him i've been raped before and the demented rape and abuse text i sent when i was mad at him back before as part of my plan to creep him out. he then starts complimenting me more and i tell him he makes me nervous and he then starts saying my name and sexual things to me. he ignores what i say and he keeps asking me what do i think of this good or no(sexual things) getting me to reply to him and repeating himself. he keeps ignoring me as i try talking about things with him and sounds weird and his texts become sloppier and it's become pretty obvious he is masturbating to me again. it's pretty creepy. also,that it happened during personal omen number timings for me. he is masturbating to me constantly and is keeping major tabs on me. it's like he is literally obsessed with me. i'm worried he may even have a sex addiction. in the morning,he ignored some of my texts not answering them for some reason which made me kind of distant then started acting friendlier and told me where we were meeting tomorrow. so,i'm grateful for that. it seems it is actually going through. maybe he was really drunk and realized he was crossing a line and didn't want to talk about it.i also noticed he is changing his personality to try and be what he thinks i like and possibly getting into interests i like and studying them and not posting social media things i don't like(for example feminism). maybe im reading too much into that,but i've suspected he is manipulating his social media since the beginning to gauge reactions from me and now lately to conform to make me like him. today,was more normal at first but then i said something making a joke i shouldn't have and he said something really offensive which pissed me off and we got into a fight again. he said it was a joke and obviously he wouldn't want that what guy would want that and for some reason i revealed more about myself thinking maybe he'd have some empathy and he seemed to not get it and said the most offensive thing ever again that was extremely insensitive and i called him a f----- a------ . before that in the fight he was saying he doesn't like how much i don't trust his word on things and that he doesn't like how much i talk s--- about him.in hindsight,that wording even makes me paranoid.i had assumed he meant how i say things to him but now i worry he meant something else like from spying on me somehow. by the end of that he said he understands now and we seemed ok and he was telling me his plans and sent me a pic of the train he was about get on. he then got weird again trying to find out what i was doing today then again trying to find out what i was doing tonight and when i said plans he said he figured that but what plans. obviously this came from the whole me saying saturday or sunday text for our plans back when i was worried he'd not go through with our plans saturday and said we better meet up this weekend and he then chose sunday because of how i worded it saying i have a thing saturday but can cut it and sunday i have errands but can rearrange. so he clearly wanted to make sure i wasn't going on a date.i then asked him to leave me a voicemail later telling me how the christmas market he was going to with his family goes and he said he will. so,there we go. he's clearly got some issues but at least we are definitely on board to meet. on one hand,i kind of like the darkness of whatever is going on with us it seems it can make for an interesting relationship but on the other he makes me nervous and repulses me. i feel i'm attracting a dark relationship in my life from him.i also revealed last night when D was being majorly creepy that i don't want him to forget me ever no matter what happens. i was feeling vulnerable about other things with friends. i shouldn't have said that,though.
-feeling kind of annoyed and down after seeing friends from early this year clearly have moved on from me and not including me or making effort anymore and deciding to feel inspired from it and it's time to reemerge and make new friends. i'm really inspired by newness lately and wanting new people who are in alignment with the new me. i can do better then them anyways. they were kind of dorks.
-feeling very feminine and seeing what it attracts to me by being this way. i seem to manifest easier and am in a better place of receiving this way.
-finding things cute
-a new follower on instagram today from a very cute animal
-beauty
-inspiration
-looking forward to the month of december and how it will unfold. taking a break from personal blog,focusing on other things,career,the things i want to try,etc the free space in my mind and how ambitious and forward moving i feel right in time for the month
-my hair and how long it looks and attractive
-clothes still fitting kind of loose on me
-appetite shrinking ever since D and I have gotten closer this last week and half or whatever it is. we fight constantly,he creeps me out,but still we have seemed to have stayed close since things got clarified with us.
-veganism
-holistic wellness
-my desires and things i want to do
-my creativity