1. #101


    -feeling great today
    -jelly donut
    -a publicist for my first career. 2015 is going to be bring me a huge amount of success now
    -feeling pretty and wanted today. how great my hair looks. how skinny i look but curvy and my backside looks round and attractive. my hair looking nice today. my face looking nice today. my body changing and developing into new sexier shape
    -soft,upbeat music
    -agreeing to go on a date with B.he seems kind of insistent too. don't know why i keep attracting insistent guys lately.
    -how attractive B is and that randomly I attracted the hottest guy at the party to stare at me and then i made out with him and now were here
    -fun instagram pictures i posted and pic likes
    -business partner getting email and website set up for our 2nd venture together
    -mason jars
    -yoga pants
    -waking up earlier lately
    -that last night just when my mind was starting to accept I might not hear from D and was feeling okay with B as what's next,D then responds to my text last night.i had texted him at 5 pm asking if i could add him back to my facebook and he responded after 11pm and said i could do what i want. he seemed distant and angry but it gave me enough of an opening to explain myself with the things i wanted to say.i then sent him a friend request. at after 1 am,he then texted he a very dirty,erotic text message.i sensed he wanted to "punish" me,so i played along and he was trying to get me to say yes to him repeatedly and tell him what i'm wearing and to tell him things,too.i thought at first this was his way of saying we are ok now,at first since it was so quick . but,his texts were more,almost on the degrading side,but not and he seemed more distant and not lovey at all and telling me i'm so hot for him,and just saying things about rough sex. Then he said he was going to bed. A few minutes later I felt a strong rush of sexual energy and knew he was not yet asleep and was touching himself to me. It was so intense the rush I got,that I think I even got a visual of what he was visualizing too such as outfit details he was imagining me in.Didn't hear from him at all today,and he didn't approve my friend request. Don't know what's going on with him or why he decided to be creepy last night,i figured because he felt i owed him that and he thinks i don't like talking sexual and it makes me uncomfortable or also he wanted to boost his ego after all i did to him or who knows what but he basically forced me to sext him and even told me i should be putting my hands under my clothes and rubbing my body all over. pretty sure he wants to exploit me since he thinks i'm a good girl and that seems to be a major turn on for him and he's said a lot of things implying how he is going to teach me to do everything and give me directions in the past.
    -my green moroccan mint tea. it's so good and a nice,exotic change.
    -going tanning today. what a nice mood boost! feeling amazing. went up a minute in time.
    -feeling more detached from things and feeling relaxed and more abundant
    -understanding things a little from reflection. i realized I think i understood D now,with things he said. he wanted to f--- me first,then he said i could kiss other guys,and he'll kiss other girls,and based on other things he said,i think he was wanting to have sex with me to get me to commit to him,and then that would go out the window. i also pulled a tarot card about what D is most upset about that i've done and i think it implied the kiss with B. D acted so relationship-y with me and I think he thought once he could just get me to have sex with him like we had planned this week,then i'd fall for him,and he could get me to commit to him.i didn't understand what he meant about that text back then,was he saying he wants to have sex with me before other guys could but now,i realize he meant let's just have sex first because then he thought he'd curb me saying things like that. I kinda felt bad because before we could meet to have sex,we had the crazy fights and i ended up going to the party and kissing a guy after he told me not to because i thought he implied we both could kiss others but it was misunderstood message,he clearly meant after me and him had sex. all this time,i thought D didn't get jealous but sometimes i think quite the other way around,he just manipulates somehow to seem aloof. i also get ALOT of tarot indicating he is repressing/blocking his emotions so i wouldn't be surprised if the true him is clingy,very insecure,jealous,and in love with me
    -getting things set up
    -getting dishes done last night
    -the movement in life in the last two months. it's nice to feel moved forward
    -healing your past meditations and quantum leaping. it's so energy clearing and an amazing way to mood boost and improve all areas of life as well as manifest some random desires from energy being cleared.
    -the sun
    -my smarts
    -being unique
    -my sophistication
    -lovely memories

  2. #102


    this day is an emotional one. my beloved little sweet left this year and now the year is ending. the worst year of my life is ending and she won't be in the new year with me. i had hoped last week before all the crazy fights to see D tonight to distract from the pain and the hope of something good but haven't heard from him since he sent me those sexual messages and it's now nye. he may go on a date or kiss someone for all i know and i can't even get mad about it.i know it's his day off and he he hasn't accepted my fb friend request and it's been almost two full days since i sent it. he hasn't made any public updates though either,or added new friends since i sent i which is slightly better.
    -to cry it out. release is good and today will be a day for that.
    -to be ok with not having plans. B i think wanted to see me tonight and was trying to hint at it,but i'd rather just journal and have a nice meal and reflect on things.
    -i seen something significant yesterday. D posted on twitter right after i explained myself about things the other day when he responded and i had that opening and right before he sent me the sexual texts,he posted:"" not to be assuming too much,but it seems like it was directed at me,saying he is trying to be that way,especially with the timing he posted it,right at around midnight after i explained how i was wrong about things and before he seemed to try and make some kind of peace with me and i had mentioned the other day i seen in my twitter feed and he's said before he is patient as a quality to me when i said i go best with patient people so i think his post may have been a good sign. when i first seen it,i took it as him saying he has deep feelings and is trying to be mature and understanding. because his sexual texts after he posted that were about in a way like he was going to "punish" me for being bad and telling me how sexy i am. i do think he must still be uncertain though,so i guess i really hurt him,which has surprised me with how detached i thought he was this whole time but clearly i affected him with how he is being now.i appreciate he did have feelings and clearly did like me.
    -i appreciate talking to B everyday since we met. it's been helpful with all this D stuff going on.
    -B tagging me in pics from the party and using the pics isent him
    -business partner sending me a ton of work to approve. so glad. she's been behind on things and wanted to catch up. with how addicted to work i am,this is great for me
    -my desire to cleanse and renew
    -newness on the horizon
    -that i can blog tomorrow again for the month of january
    -how great my backside looks from working out
    -knowing and meeting cool and attractive people
    -that i'm still feeling forward moving
    -the experiences i go through in life
    -feelings and emotions
    -my hair
    -feeling determined to be positive today and doing so somewhat
    -things coming together
    -the feeling of something brewing and culmination
    -yoga pants
    -my hair
    -mason jars
    -physical exercise
    -the changes i will be making and transformation coming
    -being a woman
    -memories,like memories with D. it's hard also he was one thing this year that came into my life i enjoyed and now i'm ending the year like this with him. it's sad,but story of my life.
    -my desire to make everyone feel more special
    -photo app filters
    -learning as a grown up,you don't need to see someone much at all to pick up where you left off from and get along and you can see someone once then a year or few years later and get on well.i actually enjoy this.
    -being an artist and even my artist side and desires of someone to talk about lighting with

  3. #103


    really upset D hasn't contacted or approved my friend request and i know someone new was added in his list,now too since last night. he is being such a jerk and clearly wanting me to suffer because even if he was done with me,why leave my friend request pending? it just is bringing back all these old feelings of past things not working out. we were so close to a relationship,i just know it, and now were here.on top of that,not feeling well today,and heat not working again so really needing to raise my vibe. friend thinks he is just trying to punish me and make me suffer. as far as i can tell,he doesn't look like he went out on nye either.why send me those sexual texts then disappear? why post that twitter thing? and B keeps saying he likes me and other flirty things and i just want D. I don't even want A now,either. i want the one i hate. there's just something fitting about me and him.
    -that i can blog again now for the month of january
    -the epiphany i had,again,but stronger,about tarots and D. I've been using them since october,and i guarantee it's why some of our fights happened by making me assume things and put negative junk in my head. psychic readings are addictive. i feel so stupid. i cant even tell D this because he thinks i'm already nuts.i threw the deck deep in my closet last night and am not touching them ever again. i've had three urges at least to use them today which proves their addictive nature. but,no,i create my reality. the few times i laid off divination with D,things got,im sticking to it.i create my reality.
    -the other epiphany which became my new years focus for the year to stop overthinking and how other people have told me i do this,and people idont know well. realizing how much it's affected people i know as well as my peace and that iwant to be someone people want to be around and be happy,and peace and excited. not a worrying,insecure,overthinker. wow. i've seen myself as this before,i will be it again. inner confidence. so much realizations of who i want to become and what i'm letting die away. the person who can dance by themselves and have a good time,and walk up to people and start a conversation and just not overthink like they need approval from others. it's so wow,what i've realized. it's like who have i excited to be a new,freer,me
    -all the new year news in just hours of a new year of finding out a friend is pregnant and another is engaged and i can't even get a relationship. so much happening so quick but i did have one thing too for me,but of course,it's career.i have a new big career change for the new year but i wanted a love life type change or something not career and status. i should be more appreciative though,others would want what i have.
    -tibetan singing bowls to slow my mind down
    -food to nourish me
    -my body getting in better and better shape
    -that i was in a really good mood last night for awhile..too good,it felt unnatural..and so i texted my friend and sure enough..he admitted he sent me some energy..funny how i can always tell when he has sent me energy.
    -notebook and pen to write things out and set intentions
    -caring less about things
    -that i'm not getting my periods every two weeks anymore
    -that i'm honing in on my ability to tune into energy more and more..last night,and today i felt little urges to text D and then asked myself are these all coming from me..or is he wanting me to text him? can't be quite 100% sure as im still studying energy and telepathy.i know i've been right on these things before. from poking him to the facebook thing,when something stands out it feels almost like a nudge and i later find out i'm right. last night,before bed,a picture stood out to me on my computer for some reason,it just stood out,even though i've seen it enough times,and sure enough a half hour ago,best friend asked me to send him the pic for something he is working on. weird!
    -weird quantum shift things that i can't quite figure out and leave me puzzled. im still confused and cant figure it out. My friend E's text is coming up in my text box as older then D even though i swore i texted him the day after i talked to D. though,maybe i'm wrong and days are just becoming blurry but i kept staring at it weirded out trying to figure out the days of the week and what happened
    -applying fake eyelashes on my own for the first time last night. not too bad for my first time
    -that i create my reality
    -that just giving psychic readings a rest is giving me more clarity and confidence
    -the art and benefits of detachment
    -how inspired business partner seems to be to work
    -to know i need to trust my path,and not compare. my time for love changes will come. and,to appreciate what i do have
    -great journaling session last night
    -my taste in things
    -taking more power in my hands to be more positive and create the reality i want
    -how much more confident i am already feeling
    -that i'm smart
    -that i can look within myself
    -understanding myself
    -a chance to do things different

  4. #104


    -love songs
    -doing what's right for me and canceling on B and canceling request on facebook to D. letting go and moving forward
    -knowing D will be back around because i'm me and that his actions are only telling his feelings must have been deep. he always did seem more sensitive then other guys when i trace our history of how he's been and his moodiness and games he's played
    -something kind of weird happening today but not assuming and being rational about it
    -forgiving myself for mistakes and vices and still improving myself
    -business partner being back at it and very chatty and working a lot which is really helping me right now and getting a lot of work put out there and laughing at a line from one project which was perfect and decided is D and how much i want i want to say that to him
    -being a romantic,and feelings person and not feeling ashamed for it
    -knowing my positive qualities and wanting to seek out others who appreciate them such as my loyalty,high tolerance,nonjudgmental,being very accepting,always there to talk when others need it,and help them be positive about it,etc,etci may have my wrongs,but i know my good sides,too
    -being high end and working in a high end industry
    -attractive people
    -feeling positive for some reason
    -feeling anger last night and earlier today. an essential stage to moving on
    -positive signs
    -a perfect quote at perfect timing i related to the D situation about being tested when your close to something and to persevere
    -deciding to surrender and trust that even things seeming to not go well are part of a plan to bring me closer to my desires and to trust life
    -feeling comfortable
    -thinking about D and chatting about him to business partner and realizing who he is,he'll be back around,he's just a weird person
    -being easy on myself
    -things getting done
    -workout clothing
    -indian food
    -being ok with myself,my mistakes,and loving myself even in my vulnerabilities
    -things seeming easier and more do-able
    -the holidays being over
    -having it together,ok with imperfection and being rational but still a little silly but just not getting carried away with it
    -practicing non-thinking and clear mindedness in the moment
    -my best friend
    -warmth from others
    -good vibes
    -practicing being love myself
    -heart chakra music which took me to the next stage to get to anger
    -the beauty of space,because if D and i do talk again,i think we'd only be stronger from this
    -coming back to myself more and more,being grounded
    -feeling love
    -appreciating kindness from others..and getting it at the most random of times,i guess sometimes the universe knows when you need it,and sometimes universe thinks you need to not have it
    -feeling an intense oneness with life,and others and that all is well,and going to be ok and that we are all characters in a play
    -feeling my worth,and importance
    -the wonderful going on in my career and appreciating what i do have going for me versus what isn't quite there yet
    -infusing myself with the feelings i want to feel

  5. #105


    -feeling good and making today my day. I've got D figured out i think,getting more positive signs,and he'll be back knowing what he missed out on. i'm me and he did wrongs,too
    -getting a coffee today. so good.
    -protein water
    -deciding to start rebounding for cardio again.
    -having B to talk to because it makes me feel good
    -stopping at the mirror and just looking at myself and appreciating my looks because i was like wow,im really attractive. a very cute feminine height,slim build with nice curves,beautiful lioness mane hair,young face with european features,and cute young style.i am really attractive! that boosted my mood for the day
    -feeling positive vibes today ever since deciding to get it together and make things happen and be positive for real again
    -being in the mood to dance
    -not caring what others think
    -getting groceries today
    -getting a new sports bra today
    -new instagram likes and followers
    -my job life and the prestige and glamour and all i have going for me
    -things happening and making me look good
    -feeling feminine but strong
    -my cuteness and innocence
    -indian food from the grocery store that's inexpensive and under 5 minutes to cook. damn. life is good.
    -more and more vegetarian and vegan food options becoming available to the mainstream and just in general
    -that i get to get a new rebounder today
    -appreciation for abundance and good in best friend's life and the things i like
    -determination to get into a more elaborate yoga pose i've been wanting to do
    -business partner being so around lately
    -stomach flattening out a little bit after having time of the month and slacking on fitness from blues about D thing making me not as good about things
    -trying to stay strict on keeping diet clean
    -my computer
    -coming to a critical opinion about a D thing that is looking more and more likely but not letting my mind go crazy but just keeping my mind rational,yet aware
    -feeling good and happy despite what's going on
    -appreciating what i do have
    -doing a fairly decent job of keeping my mind detached,focused,and not thinking too much. sticking to new year focus
    -how great things are going to get because i feel it,and i create my reality
    -the possibilities
    -my desires
    -my positive qualities
    -loving myself

  6. #106


    -water and drinking a lot of it today. two liters down so far
    -D texted me today. It was weird. I cried before bed last night thinking i lost another thing,and he's gone for good and feeling like the universe can't me a break with things like this and how sad it is after all i've been through and the loss that i couldn't even get some small break and when i awoke i seen he texted me. just saying hi basically and he seemed distant taking longer to reply and then being elusive like he doesn't want to say what's up but just that he's doing really good so it's like he wants me to wonder. im guessing he either texted me feeling bad for me,or is cautious,or is just trying to hold onto me but doesn't really want me as much anymore. he even asked how has your week been pretty much acknowleding it's been awhile since we've talked so he knows what's up. im trying to be positive and just focus on the moment
    -mason jars
    -photography and photos
    -being a nonconformist
    -my realizations again last night even about things i know better about and again throwing my tarot deck deep away and that's what realizations had to do with and expanded upon and made me a smarter person,i think for it. all the ways i'm learning,and growing,and in some ways becoming more logical but that's ok,too
    -how pretty the snow is
    -deciding to blog about my realizations even if they were wacky
    -looking slim today and stomach looking nice despite slacking this week.i guess my body bounces back quick on this plan
    -getting decisive about what to get done today
    -rebounding workout i did and how great it stretches me out and how good it makes me feel
    -my artist mindset
    -knowing good things are coming workwise and that i'm about to have some amazing success
    -the industries iwork in and the creativity and craziness of it. the avant-garde and the fun
    -the glamour in my life
    -clearing,clarity,and healing misperceptions i have about things in various things from beauty to other people and so on
    -being a woman
    -acknowledging my feelings
    -my authenticity
    -my smarts
    -things that are fun

  7. #107


    -delicious chocolates
    -water and drinking lots of it
    -mason jars
    -a nice rebounding workout
    -amazing music and remixes that make you want to move
    -taking back my power and being positive and utilizing my affirmations and staying disciplined
    -deciding to go a different route with my hair change coming up of instead of going to a salon which is just seeming way complicated schedule wise and considering how much i like to do things myself instead of having them done when i can and that i've been researching a bit,i am going to color my hair myself and figuring out the ideas and plan of what i'm going to do and knowing that most services we pay for,are things one can do themselves
    -my unique personality
    -knowing i need to love myself more and working on it consistently
    -acknowledging my feelings of insecurity when i feel them,and feelings of sadness
    -that attractive guys like me
    -my style
    -how lovely and young,and european my face looks
    -getting back on track with things being back to normal
    -having a little timeline of what i'll do today,that i haven't done yet
    -talking to friend,and realizing D has changed for me,and naturally because of me since we first started talking and that says something and is surely not a coincidence. little things from how he doesnt seem to use the social app as much anymore,and how after we clarified we do like each other in november and became facebook friends again,he stopped posting things like getting drinks and even social-wise since november he has pretty much only posted family pictures so i think it's a sign he's definitely been focused on me and i think even if he was multi dating,i'm the one he had his eye on,the one he wanted since the beginning and that says something.i think he wants me to feel good,that's the kind of person he is,but i also think he is the kind of person who wants to control and will manipulate for purposes of control.i definitely think i've changed and influenced him since the beginning which i like because he's just seemed to change in various ways since then.i also realize if i really want to meet my goal i've had forever now of an official relationship,maybe i need to compromise a bit,i just hope it's not too late. i'm thankful to have heard from D going into the new year now and he's got good sides like changing things when he knows something upsets me,and seeming to care that ifeel good and he knows so much about me already. it's a weird connection we have,it'd be too weird,and unfinished to end here.even when he thought i wasnt interested and kept being weird in late october-mid november,he still kept contacting me so clearly i was the one he's had his eye on.
    -rose water face mist
    -getting focused again
    -feeling more expansion,openness,and filled with possibility at what can happen for me
    -all the weird signs last night
    -doing ok with my goal of keeping my mind from overthinking too much and making some progress with it
    -detachment from the opinions of others
    -my flexibility
    -feeling feelings of warmth,and love for some reason
    -the positive changes i am embracing such as new work things and new hair,and new body. i may not be where i want to be with other goals i want to achieve,but i'm appreciating what i do have,and shifting my focus to faith in the other areas coming together
    -knowing cool people
    -that i create my reality,and can change my reality
    -being authentic
    -following my feelings
    -being nice to myself
    -coffee and how good it is
    -allowing myself to transform
    -being logically intuitive
    -trying to see things in a positive light and with faith and surrender
    -that i have a chance right now to do things differently,and have been. in past times,i'd go crazy inside at someone going away or when things were good,not really utilize my affirmations to keep things in a good direction,but now i have this chance to do that,and to not go crazy on the inside,and that's what i'm doing. maybe,this can be a different outcome then past times with guys

  8. #108


    -blogging it all out last night,a bunch of letting it out feelings about D.i don't care,i'll know he'll see it. either this us not talking will bring us closer or it'll really be the end,because there is no going back after what's happened with us. 12 days since we've been good with each other,2 days since we talked. still replaying memories in my mind,and songs i listen to that reminded me of me and him things. having a clear perspective on things that i should be angry,too. the flickers of i love him that keep coming up that seem to arise from the heart chakra,which is way weird. feeling more and more certain he's had me as the goal since the beginning and had deep feelings for me,too. maybe i'm even energetically feeling what he is feeling or was feeling and thats why the heart chakra's crazy one minute i'm like i don't want him,i cant stand him and the next i'm like i want him,i l--- him,which is clearly a sign of something deep. but maybe i'm crazy.i feel certain he had trouble waiting 5 days to text me,too it's like he couldn't go a whole week.i think he's purposefully keeping us in limbo.i think he doesn't want to let go of me,but doesn't know where to go from here,and also wants to hurt me.
    -going tanning today
    -texting with B everyday since we met.he has even said he is going to write me a song and give it to me when we hang out. he says he writes songs for fun. i don't want things to get messy but B is nice and seems to really like me,and D and I are in limbo and unclear with each other.unlike some people,i don't like to multi date,but this hasn't been my intention at all. it would not take much at all for D to get me to not see B,but the more and more I talk to B and see him,well,obviously things would only grow with B more and B is starting to grow on me a little. not a connection yet,but i'm starting to feel sweet feelings towards him. if D really likes me and doesn't want to lose me,i'd think he'd not wait much longer to work things out with me.i feel bad,because at this point it is a little complicated. it seems like i'm giving D an ultimatum after giving him pain,but that was not my intention,life just happens. what am i supposed to assume from all this? we both said it was over,and he seemed really serious about it when he said it,but then again,i did,too and even when he said who that girl was,i said okaybye. the next day,i explained myself and my wrongs,and he was distant,but then seemed like he was going to forgive me based on his twitter post and making me sext him. then he doesn't respond to my facebook friend request and after 3 days,i cancel it. he also doesn't text me again for 5 days,the longest he's gone without iniating contact and he knew it was long,too. i have no idea where we stand but he seems to be laying low according to social medias.i can see how he'd be confused,too,perhaps
    -nice warm shower
    -a place to live
    -how pretty the snow is
    -living in a nice big city
    -weight going down a little bit again from the slacking off of last week. body bounces back super quick on this plan
    -how pretty my face is
    -how beautiful i can be
    -the industry i work in and easy it is to make myself feel better,and use success to ease my pain and get payback on pain from others
    -rebounding workouts and how great it makes me feel,and stretches me out and good it makes my body look
    -getting things done,decisons being made,and things happening
    -feeling good,positive,and faithful
    -using this time to work on myself
    -soft determination to better myself and progress
    -knowing i'm amazing and a great catch as a friend,date,girlfriend,etc
    -being a woman
    -great quotes at the perfect time
    -beauty products
    -all the dejavu last night
    -surrender to the moment,and moments of silence to just be
    -rain boots
    -my smarts
    -mature understanding
    -being sexy
    -beautiful and interesting life moments
    -emotions and feelings

  9. #109


    -my beauty
    -my artist mindset
    -my imagination and dreamy side,and the visuals and metaphors and concepts that run through my mind
    -my ideas
    -that the men and things i love will always become muses in my life,they'll just have to deal with it
    -my faith and positivity that D and i will work out,and he will talk to me likely tonight and we will talk things out
    -my funny side,and my craziness. that i'm an interesting person
    -perspective that is balanced. maybe D didn't really flirt with that girl,and i can see that being true,but also not denying it. it's ok to be uncertain at this point
    -feeling love and being love and wanting to surrender
    -silence,breaks,coming back to myself
    -feeling clean and new
    -knowing my feelings are making no sense at all,and being aware of that
    -being smart
    -literature and classics
    -my childish sides
    -when D would call me baby,i loved that so much
    -that D somehow understood a part of me that most maybe wouldn't and it felt good,the dynamics we were starting to was sexy
    -getting travel booked for upcoming business trip that i'm super excited about
    -my desires
    -my femininity and girlish side
    -things i enjoy
    -photo editing apps
    -coming back to me and being more confident
    -that i've been getting signs
    -that i'm a romantic,and my romantic side. all my leo energy!
    -all the new old photo options i have now from playing with apps on my phone
    -my european looks
    -reassuring myself rationally
    -how great my lower back is starting to look from workouts
    -that D did text me in the new year,right after i was upset about losing everything that ever comes to me,that meant something,and i know it. that was a sign
    -that friends are putting up with me repeatedly talking about D and my back and forth feelings of anger and hurt
    -my passion
    -newness that is coming to me
    -knowing what i want
    -the sun shining today
    -beautiful stories

  10. #110


    -how pretty the snow is
    -determination to be positive today. to keep D out of my mind today(besides mentioning him now in these posts)and to go a whole day without complaining. some slip ups,but felt vibe rise a bit earlier when starting it,so will keep it up
    -laughing at the insane weather,and the idea of anyone trying to hurry up and go on dates this week. it was -1 degrees yesterday and now it looks like a snowstorm practically. laughing at life
    -meditation and intuitive feelings coming to me during and also in mundane moments that D and i aren't done,and he will be contacting me by and the date i had in my head of that. realizations and reflections on life. quiet and space to just be,and see what's unfolded. appreciation for what was,though it does kill me how hindsight always makes one appreciate things more. there is no going back with me and D. something always,one moment someone is new and an interesting stranger and before you know it,a connection is forged and there is no going back.i feel in all my heart me and him are not done,i feel i will see him before this month is over,and i feel it in a way that is different then in the past when i knew things would work out,and it just blew up in my face with being wrong,i don't know how this feels different,though.if i can even avoid mentioning D to anyone today,that will be progress in the law of detachment,so that will be moreso my goal then keeping him out of my mind,though that is goal,too
    -booking something for my first job today. my first press of the new year
    -rereading my texts again before bed with D from the last day of our really awful fight,and feeling like he wasn't so kind,and i wasnt quite as crazy seeming as i thought,and i tried making good with him and seeming to apologize. and it just again made me feel like i'm trying hard for someone who is a jerk and who has done a lot of jerk things to me yet treats me like i'm awful villain. i'm glad to have the perspectives balanced and to even know i tried,because later on down the line,i won't regret it,then whereas other times,i wondered could i have done more
    -a place to live
    -being easy on myself
    -all the career things going for me which is solace right now. major solace
    -catching myself in complaints and turning it around
    -the tools at my disposal to raise my vibration and turn things around
    -my upcoming job on sunday
    -that any moment is a chance to turn things around
    -notebook and pen
    -how quick one can become happy
    -a day and half since using tarot cards! doing good with that,i just wasnt even tempted because of not just that they are negative,but that they're not accurate. anything can be real,if you believe it so,so choose the DESIRABLE perception
    -my desire to dance
    -my sexy body
    -my phone data being back so i can go on instagram again
    -beauty, and unique beauty
    -being able to laugh at life
    -how amazing this year is going to be for career
    -how really really close i am actually to love goals manifesting,i've just been not appreciating and shutting the blinders to it to really see it
    -my sex appeal
    -the glamour in my life,and the glamour coming this year
    -decisons for how im aiming this year to go career-wise
    -being able to be happy for others from my past,like exes,and see their purpose in my life,even if it feels a little sad,i can just feel detached and ok
    -how long my hair is
    -how attractive i can be
    -having model beauty
    -happiness,being centered,and faithful
    -laughing at life
    -realizations with friends that make me laugh,and feel more certain and decisons i make to keep things certain to go well
    -how skinny my body is getting
    -feeling more feminine,womanly,and delicate by losing the little bit of weight,and even embracing my height
    -my dancer's poise
    -using my pain to have faith and be inspired
    -embracing the darkness of life
    -my realness
    -loving myself,accepting myself,and forgiving myself
    -changing my reality
    -the possibilities i feel within me
    -the test last night that came that i got through,and feel stronger now for getting through it
    -all the appreciation for D traits i have now. it's like he is in me. it's crazy! i really wonder about that since we never had sex.i find myself missing being texted random pictures. which is weird,since that used to be one of the things i found weirdest about him,and now i find myself missing it and almost wishing to receive pic texts from people

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