1. #211


    oh man,on days where i feel so happy,and am dreaming big still,smiling,and laughing,what isn't know,is i still have suicidal thoughts. it's hard,today was a day where very painful memories were brought up and i find things that happened to me years ago,i have issues from that i didn't seem to have shortly after it happening..which isnt something i expected and i get so sad thinking i didn't sign for this,to be this girl who went through a lot of messed up things and didn't come from a lot..that stupid cliche that i feel that i am. i have a lot of fear in my vibration these days and for someone like me who wishes for more freedom,to have their freedom feel more restricted because they don't feel as safe,is very frustrating,and so it's been a tough week of that ever since that incident. on top of that, the painful messed up stories that go on in the world,just make me feel like i'm living in hell sometimes,how can people kill babies,and treat babies so cruelly. it's hard,i have anxiety and emotional issues and it bothers me because that happiness when life changed forever for me when i first discovered meditating,and then the loa,i had thought i healed those things,and could really change things,and then only some things changed,and more things happened,to create new anxieties. life isn't happily ever after,ever. even the frightful things that happen seem like dream like,like something another version of myself dreamt. it makes me ponder more how connected sleeping dreams are connected to our true selves..which confirms 3 really is just dream,we have multiple realities,and all of life is symbols and signs.

    -feeling my feelings
    -how great my face looks from all the sun,vitamins,and lemon
    -finding something i want to do
    -being inspired to do more visualizing meditating
    -getting middle eastern food for dinner that i like a lot
    -my best friend
    -my interests and likes
    -that on the outside looking in,i look like i have a lot going for me
    -learning and lessening and coming back to myself more and more
    -the peacefulness of the rainy day today while on my porch
    -having breakfast in my kitchen by the time i awoke
    -lovely compliments by someone i worked with who appreciated me and valued me.
    -getting cute new lingerie ordered
    -cleaning the kitchen today
    -inspiration in the form of others
    -becoming more and more of who i want to be
    -getting some yoga pics i had taken of me,and seeing my form is on point
    -summertime vibes
    -that E contacted me the other boosted my mood. idk why.i deny wanting him,and often think of him just as friendship and how much i just like hanging out,but then occasionally,i feel the other feelings that make him someone that isn't just a friend. it's complicated,but subtly so,at least to me. it doesn't have the dramatic complications others have had in the past,at least not in my perception.i really do just want to be friends,but have also acknowleged feelings. And,for now,i stand that there's not really any guy out there,i have found to be a match for what i want. My ex A is too player-ish,too old,and doesn't get my wants in some ways. he seems the guy who'd want to knock me up,not have me go out anymore(he complained that i'm still into clubbing which annoyed me),marry me,and provide for me sure,but also be flirtasious and whatnot to other women which is something i do not like.
    -living in a big city
    -that more and more women are doing things like what i do at my age,and older and it looks great,which makes me feel better now that i'm getting just slightly older.
    -that i've had no back issues,since i've made more efforts to move more
    -that i'm getting a sample sent to me
    -coffee and how warm and soothing it is
    -getting a job confirmed today
    -the beautiful aspects of me ive become and will become
    -inspiring pics

  2. #212


    Quote Originally Posted by newfreedom View Post
    i've never actually tried it, must make an effort ! xxx

    you should. not sure where you live,but i found it at my local grocery store. the flavor is mocha almond fudge by so delicious. i've had soy icecreams before and must say i like this even better then i liked the soy(which was great,too).

  3. #213


    lots of signs today.
    -green smoothie i got today and how great it was in taste,very sweet and easy to drink.
    -going shopping today
    -how great of a glow my skin has been having
    -feeling more confident about a physical feature of mine
    -beauty role models that inspire
    -feeling my feelings
    -the peanut butter cookie i had today and how delicious it was
    -roomate sleeping at home tonight
    -how friendly the neighbors in the building are
    -yoga pants
    -feeling confident about myself
    -my physical features altering slightly in a way i think is good
    -being someone comfortable enough to go without makeup sometimes
    -all the instagram followers i'm getting and likes
    -getting dishes done today
    -heart chakra healing music
    -beautiful songs
    -my best friend and how amazing he is
    -my silly,child-like sense of humor
    -how flat my stomach had gotten today. it had gotten really really flat,was nice.
    -advice from business partner about my first career that helped me make a decision
    -feeling pretty in the moment with life. i swear things have changed with me quite a big since this time last year. it's hard to put a word to it,but it's like i'm literally a different person. it is really eerie to me.i'd like to use the word happier,but that doesn't feel quite accurate. i just feel like i've found a plethora of tools to put to use which manages me much better. It may not even be noticeable to anyone else,but i know it's there..something in me has changed that makes me more present,detached,flowing with life,and happier. it doesn't mean i don't feel stuck or depressed at times,etc,etc but it's just different now..and,it's just amazing and eerie how much has changed in life since this time last year.
    -waking up early
    -living the seemingly glamourous life the "-----" life
    -my creativity and artist's eye
    -squats and stretches
    -just being able to see the positive changes in my life both physical,mental,and otherwise. it's bittersweet,but i do like transformation
    -my desires
    -waking up early today
    -the lights off earlier tonight which is peaceful
    -trust and surrender in life
    -my animal soulmate

  4. #214
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    N. Wales, UK
    Blog Entries


    Quote Originally Posted by buttercup View Post
    -green smoothie i got today and how great it was in taste,very sweet and easy to drink.
    Hi Buttercup, thanks for today's gratitude list, after reading 'easy to drink' i was then able / reminded of my Giant mug of Tea, sitting beside me & drink it.

    Absent mindedness causes difficultly at times xX
    " the core of spirituality is to optimize your personal evolution" ~ Robert Bruce

  5. #215
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    N. Wales, UK
    Blog Entries


    • Celebrating a Daughter's Birthday
    • buying
    • drinking
    • 'Crabbie's' Original Alcoholic ginger beer
    " the core of spirituality is to optimize your personal evolution" ~ Robert Bruce

  6. #216


    today,pms-ing and feeling inadequate,and reminded of all my anxiety issues. it's been a drama-full week this past week or week and half or so. i want to master loa and intention-manifesting and will. my guilts are biggest resistances.
    -green smoothies. the last one i had tasted like candy.
    -living in a big city
    -finally,possibly getting something i've wanted for came in the form of chaos and drama,and betrayal but it's always darkest before the also connected in my eyes why i had the snake dreams(an omen of change for me),the spiritual reason behind the incident with the creep on my steps,and so on,all became connected as happening for a reason in my eyes as it all just seemed to lead to one thing,and connect to what happened yesterday afternoon. it is so weird how this happened
    -helping best friend and being there for him through his messy dramas and seeing him with love.
    -getting some work back this week
    -coffee. sooooooo soothing,especially on gloomy weather days
    -how beautiful the skyline looks right now as i keep my door one door open and can see outside
    -the black eyeshadow i bought and how great it is for achieving a look i like
    -going tanning today
    -peanut butter cookies
    -having a skinny day today and yesterday. i've done 4 different things in the last few days so not sure what exactly has been the cause but very happy about it. idk what is is about skinny days that are so mood boosting
    -physical exercise,squats and stretches which i love how they make me feel.
    -yoga pants
    -how great my form is in wheel pose
    -how small and sculpted my arms are getting from the wheel pose work i've been doing
    -lemons.i super appreciate lemons lately.
    -finding another publication to submit a pitch to.
    -getting an order in the mail today
    -the lovely pastel lavender purple shade of nail polish i did my toes which is also a mood boost
    -strawberry soda and how great it tastes
    -how easy it is to get protein now
    -getting things done today that i've been putting off
    -best friend and i deciding on a more modest,more closer by neighborhood to move to instead may fit our wants more
    -being an understanding and forgiving person
    -feeling so ready to move out of this apartment. i'm at the point now where it's depressing me to even be here.
    -having more followers then most others in my city who do what i do,which is great as i'm marketing myself to be in a more competiitive market so although i'm low for market i'm desiring,i'm high for market i'm in.
    -that i can change things around at any moment
    -desire to delve into positive talk/loa more and more and make more focus on creating the reality i want
    -how hard my nails are
    -being wiser then ever before..knowing that things in my reality are a reflection of my OWN feelings of inadequacy popping up. it' so simple,really. more and more,i do see the world is a mirror. my own doubts reflect to me in my reality. that's all it is,so simple and i didnt grasp this before. my thoughts. i'll never forget last august having this shown to me,where i finally grasped that concept. i cant help but feel like last year was the start of a part 2 of a spiritual awakening for me..
    -being more confident then i was this time last year

  7. #217


    Yes,i know what you mean. positive self talk is so great.i also remember there have been some things for me in the past,not so easy to drink and then i'd not stick to it.

  8. #218


    -lemon water
    -peanut butter cookies
    -how easy it is to get protein. crazy,i thought again maybe i didn't get enough,and checked some things i'd eaten earlier enough that had way more then i thought to me getting exactly what my goals are with the dinner i had made. so amazing,i got rid of this protein resistance i had.
    -sun and sunshine. now the weather just needs to warm up!
    -sweaters,socks,and other clothes that keep me warm
    -my vegan omega supplement i recently started taking. still having a skinny days and think this may be what has been causing it. so great!
    -how toned and sculpted my stomach has been looking. and i've only been exercising lightly.i think it's vitamin integration. very pleased.
    -the cool highlight and various tones of color in my hair
    -putting a bag of stuff in the living room so i'd make more of a focus to get rid of more things
    -finding out more things that were very shocking but now will lead to more peace that are a continuation of the previous day's things coming out. again,so strange how this got revealed too,and have no doubt it was meant to. it connected a lot of dots as well. the positive is it now unclutters things in friend's life,and leads to more closeness and understanding. it's been an intense,stressful week and a half but at least i can see where my life is going for the next few months.
    -canada and u.k agencies possibly taking an interest in me
    -using a rejection this morning as affirmation and inspiration
    -stretches and squats and that exercising without videos is finally starting to work for me now especially with the diet and vitamins i'm learning more and more.
    -that my body is actually a little sore,too which is great,my exercises are paying off
    -that i love physical exercise,but that it seems with omegas i'm now not needing to do as much,which is great,and feels more natural
    -cute animal videos
    -great publicity and endorsements for wonderful animal advocacy organizations
    -heart warming stories in the news i come across
    -being of a good heart
    -the green color of the leaves and trees this time of year
    -the topics of spirituality and metaphysics and the possibility of magic in life that keeps me going
    -hair brushes and brushing my hair,and how great it feels as something as simple as brushing your hair
    -being a strong woman
    -doing a checking in with myself questions in my notebook session
    -the glow my skin has these days
    -being kindhearted
    -my realness
    -how great my hair looks
    -how nice and toned my muscles are,and the nice shape of my curves
    -little progresses in past months such as no longer having to get to a certain neighborhood before taking a cab because i now use ridesharing service from my home

  9. #219


    -lemon water
    -lemon tea
    -coffee. and having an extra cup today!
    -vegan burritos
    -the weather being a little more pleasant today
    -getting to go for a nice little walk today in my neighborhood. made a difference in my mood actually. the little things really really do make a difference
    -being in a little bit better,and more positive of a mood today.
    -how peaceful the rain sounds right now
    -being able to go with friend to his work after panic attack at my apartment last night
    -feeling more inspired by happiness,loa,and the magic of life again today and devoting myself more to deeper meditations,surrendering,and immersing in happiness
    -creativity flowing just a little,and some new business idea excitement too
    -getting body scrub in the mail today
    -my supporters
    -great brands
    -great ideas
    -being exposed to great ideas,cultures,and learning
    -getting started on throwing some things out from bedroom
    -getting some apartments emailed about last night
    -meditation. and my meditation technique of saying a mantra/affirmation here and there to myself during to empower me through the day.
    -classic sitting meditation pose. i like this.i didn't use do this pose for meditating very often at all,and did more relaxed pose but i'm glad to do this,and also put hands in prayer position,as i find it really strengthens the meditation
    -meditating on the porch
    -yoga on the porch
    -vitamins and how great they've made me feel and look
    -seeing the subtle face changes
    -the shape of my eyes
    -the glow my skin has
    -the texture of my hair,and how great looking my hair is
    -brushing my hair
    -having another skinny day. really has to be the omegas.
    -this website
    -esoteric/metaphysical topics and online communities.
    -colors. and the spring green color of the trees and leaves
    -how smart i am
    -how much i've evolved since two years ago. two years ago does NOT even feel like two years ago but suddenly reflecting on me back two years i realize i've evolved quite a bit,and it's crazy,eerie,and bittersweet how much time has passed.
    -my beauty and my look
    -my femininity
    -how slender and toned my body is
    -stretches and squats

  10. #220


    -fashion designs
    -my style
    -vegan chicken
    -lemon water
    -a yoga mat so i can do porch yoga more comfortably
    -the nice weather today
    -laying in savasana pose on the porch and somehow right where i was at,the sun hit me so strongly,it was like i was sunbathing which sent me some deep relaxation energies
    -an apartment getting looked at today,in a nicer neighborhood and amazing price
    -feeling more normal after that awful sexual harassing message i got from D last night,the idiot from last fall. he then called me crazy and was a jerk and i deleted him,blocked him,and even deactivated my fb,and put my ig on private for the night. he really brought me down with that but i'm feeling better now
    -going for a walk today and how nice it is to see my neighborhood like that,and how much safer it makes me feel,and going to the metaphysics shop a few blocks from my place and getting some incenses. at first i wasnt pleased with the selection,but then found exactly what i wanted,and some other interesting ones i bought.i enjoy this shop because the guy who works there and his name,and the shop itself is so charmingly weird,it literally could be in a episode of buffy the vampire slayer. his comments on one of the incenses i picked out was also entertaining and he had said a lot of people he's noticed have been very stressed this week after i had commented it's been stressful this week.
    -appreciating my face more
    -getting my monthly time of the month,and the release ialways feel once i do.i just feel more relaxed.
    -deciding i'll start doing more visualizing starting today
    -best friend putting two more notices in today
    -intention setting
    -my vitamins
    -my body being nice,slender,and toned even only with lighter exercise lately
    -the amazing blessing of finding something amazing from the bag of stuff i had put in living room to go through.i found two photos of my loved one who left this physical reality that i had not know i had and hadn't seen in the past over a year since she departed. what a blessing! a picture from her first year of life in the first apartment she lived in with my family and a picture of her with the childhood hampster.i hadn't known for yearssssssssssss that i even had full pic of that hampster,so it really is miraculous and shocking this manifested. it was such a blessing especially since i had been in tears just shortly before looking through that crying about her. it almost partially made me wonder did it come from her.
    -beautiful heartwarming news stories
    -amazing art
    -tuning into my desires and feelings and having some direction in my life
    -being able to soothe and rationalize to myself
    -flip flops
    -that i create my reality,and have manifested so many insaneeeeeeee miracles already and seen so many proofs of this.
    -the huge thing i manifested this week,actually. it did cause chaos but it was for the best of all involved,and was actually effortless once i just randomly said the affirmation in anger 4 times. seriously,the power of just not thinking about it,and letting go is amazing,especially when your not trying to let go,but just do it naturally.
    -dark chocolate and how relaxing it is
    -loving myself and how easy it is to do

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