1. #301


    -the air filter in my living room
    -drinking more water again
    -vegan food
    -going for a nice one mile walk upon waking
    -the sun
    -my favorite sunglasses
    -waking up earlier today
    -feeling more relaxed today
    -feeling more decisive today and having more clarity today
    -feeling able to slow down and be in the flow again
    -how bright and glowy and clear my skin is
    -having a nice flat stomach
    -the cat sleeping with me a lot last night/this morning
    -details about tomorrow
    -taking things one thing at a time
    -doing some writing today
    -colors of the sky as the sun goes down
    -having a unique beauty
    -burning incense
    -having toned muscles and venus dimples
    -putting a afformation from the past summer personal work i did on the fridge
    -finding interesting things
    -weather being a little cooler today
    -deep,calming,cleansing breaths
    -all the new instagram followers
    -my style
    -embracing the journey,and authenticity and the unfolding of who i am and transformation and mystery
    -calming thoughts

  2. #302


    -this new coffee flavor from the brand i get at the grocery store. this one is cafe latte and is my new favorite. so good. very sweet and light flavor.
    -the air filter in my living room
    -getting in an appointment to spa at the last minute for tomorrow. being open and calm really made a difference. last time,my mood was anxious and i was set on certain dates,but this time felt nonchalant and was aiming for more far off in the future dates and was more open. boosted my mood to get that appointment made
    -soda after a night of drinking. my hangover remedy.
    -these purple funky print pants i love. so comfortable.
    -the sun shining today
    -my style
    -how great i am at curating
    -the freedom losing as much as i have has given me
    -going out last night and how great it was to get out,even if i didn't really click with most of the girls. i know it's part of the process of finding the right people,is to get out there and try.
    -free bottle service
    -my best friend and all he does for me
    -the cat and how cute he is
    -being calmer about things
    -finding a bigger sharpener for my favorite makeup product that needed to be sharpened to be used last night
    -doing things to nourish my soul and energy
    -the beautiful,big city i live in and how great downtown looks at night
    -being easy and loving and merciful to myself
    -a acquantaince to text about things to
    -feeling that very slight almost sense of aliveness last night
    -knowing my likes and things i'm drawn to and that make me happy
    -that things are getting done and to just be patient and know all is well and unfolding perfectly
    -my beliefs shifting to ones that are more me even if they are spiritually "imperfect." Such as embracing my dark side and that there is a part of me that likes revenge. The book i've been reading has been inspiring me to look at my unconscious desires and my dark side. I am not saying the revenge is my unconscious desire,but my dark side. Perhaps,if we embraced that,instead of repressing it,we'd be happier since we live our lives as stories anyways and aren't meant to be perfect but to learn and evolve. This has been a great aid,allowing myself to have my little veangeful desires without feeling guilty or like i'm being petty. it just feels so much more real! perhaps,it actually is unconscious too since i do tend to do certain things and have little thoughts i'd repressed now that i think about it,that are slightly spiteful. idk,maybe accepting this part of ourselves even tames the desire and brings more peace. i mean,we are all seeking validation,and so acting like we don't want validation at least a little bit seems repressed.and so when we uncover that part of the reasons we do this or that is partially fueled by spite which is fueled by a desire for validation,we are being real,which only brings us more peace and healing.

  3. #303


    -feeling better
    -my style
    -my comfortable funky print purple pants
    -vegan chocolate
    -relaxing time
    -tibetan singing bowl audios
    -lavender tea
    -lavender oil
    -alchemy and temperance,blending. a passion of mine,blending.
    -getting a pedicure today and the lady being nice and actually complimenting my feet and gushing saying i have the feet of a 5 year with how soft they are and she's never seen that in her 20 years doing what she does.
    -animals and the cute dog at the salon. he was so tiny
    -going shopping today
    -getting a dry brush today
    -getting new eyebrow makeup today
    -declicious meal i've started having of vegan chicken on a bed of kale with cilantro,parsley,and cayenne pepper and italian salad dressing. sooo good!
    -how serendiptious this book i've been reading has been. it's amazing to me
    -tuning into what i'm drawn to
    -knowing my spa time is helping me to cultivate being a better receiver. just last night an insight came to me after feeling impatient that i'm a really bad receiver. so,a lot to work on still!
    -getting a little bit of an alter going on by putting the tiny buddha statues and healing stones by the flowers on the trunk which is being used as a table in the living room
    -all the twitter followers i received today
    -being downtown today which was nice
    -lemongrass incense
    -loving myself and being brave and confident
    -no longer being obsessed with spiritual enlightenment

  4. #304


    -vegan chocolate
    -the law of attraction
    -making an amazing steam room last night that had amazing benefits,including stress relief,removing depression,and causing me to sleep like a baby and have glowy skin the next day. it felt as if it opened chakras,too. was so amazing and inspiring. no wonder i had kept feeling drawn to try a steam room.
    -being almost done with this book i've been reading. Am ready to move forward!
    -finding greens very easy to eat now
    -a nice journaling session tonight that helped me to tune into my more mysterious desires and check in on how i feel about other things i'm repelled by
    -great quotes
    -a online comment made to me tonight
    -nighttime walks
    -going for a nice walk in the daytime today and walking for at least a mile but probably more like 2-3. hard to say as i'm not sure how to estimate it and there was stops to enjoy standing by the river which was nice and going to the playground and swinging on a swing. i really like this little sunday tradition going on. i even seemed to get a little sore after though though that maybe was other things like dry brushing
    -finding a substitute for vegan youtube channels which is nice,as i have a feeling little things like that has had a stronger effect then i realize on my vibration and i am ready to run fast away from the vegan community.i can be a vegan without it.also,keeping away from tarot for awhile after seeing how utterly pointless it is
    -getting side key here figured out
    -hot tea
    -ordering some eucalyptus oil as i'd been drawn to it
    -the internet
    -seeing calming things about the neighborhood
    -logic and coming down to earth more and more about my paranoid delusions.
    -becoming very comfortable with being myself. when you've lost it all in a sense and feel invisible,it eventually becomes easier to just not care anyways
    -cayenne pepper. love spices!
    -coming to conclusions about what my soul needs to be nourished and lhow repressed it had been earning to embrace that more
    -the clarity that comes after the pain,and the letting go
    -the beauty of the new canvas of what i can create now
    -writing some affirmations out
    -being done with my obsession of spiritual enlightenment
    -feeling like the things to get done is easy now and not so overwhelming.i really think that steam bath cleared some energy blockages i had. it felt as if a veil was lifted
    -clean clothes
    -learning more about the breed of cat this cat is,and seeing how much it actually does match his personality. it was helpful and interesting to read
    -wow,the relaxing/exciting feeling i just had of realizing the little stressful things plaguing me for over a month now are actually almost completed. that's been on the back of my mind for some time now,i bet once they are done i'm going to feel a boost of energy and more back to myself
    Last edited by buttercup; 24th August 2015 at 09:11 AM.

  5. #305


    -steam room. it's changed my life. last night i did it,and didn't stay long then felt a bit depressed for a few reasons but then had lots of wild dreams which i wanted to explore so that convinced me to stick to the steam rooms so did it again earlier tonight and stayed in longer and felt sooo relaxed and got so sweaty. i am so convinced in the last year that sweating is amazing for humans. i'm still feeling very relaxed.
    -the dreams i had this morning. so many. i think one was psychic. i'll get to that one last. So,i had a dream friend K added me on a social media . She's never added me on any,which is odd and i suspect is because of jealousy. she is older,and a little bigger then me and i work in a very looks-required industry so on social media there's things on there that may make some feel a little insecure. i've already had people admit to this. i had a dream that D from last winter was following me and i kept trying to get away and in the dream there was pools so it was like at a swim park. i had a dream that i was upset with my apartment but then i realized i'm moving in two weeks so that's ok and then felt relief. and,finally,the dream that was the longest,and had emotion to it,too which is very rare,i feel E is the only person I ever had dreams that had a feeling with them. This dream happened before the apartment dream and felt pleasurable like recurring dreams I used to have with E were that ended up being psychic. In the dream,E was dressed up in a suit and I was at his place and he told me B had said some awful things about me in a way like i should know such as that I had rabbit teeth and something about sex with me like that he only dated me for sex or something alluding to a thumbs up on sex and then I burst into tears at that and E started cuddling with me and to make me feel better. Very,very rare for my dreams to be like this.....The dream felt very warm like he was the warm,hero presence. As he was holding me,I then exclaimed how could he cut me out and not have seen me in all these months and he smiled warmly and said he actually kissed a girl two and half months ago. It was implied that was over,and that it's not something serious for me to get upset about. The whole scenario played out like me as the feminine,submissive,little girl and him as the patriarch type as if he was the one to tell me it was all ok now. Very odd this dream happened because just last night I wrote in journal how i'm only repelled by E now,which could've been me psychically detaching and then this happens. The dream was so specific,too and I never have specific dreams that answer questions even if the answer may or may not be true. It was just a very long,drawn out dream scenario that was very uber specific as if a message was sent to me. Of course,i can't see how that'd be possible but i can't help but wonder if this was a psychic connection here. It's funny because I read a feng shui tip before bed that i thought about doing some other time about putting a bowl of water by your bed for clarity. Maybe even that thought,somehow manifested this dream. It's hard to say but only ever with E have I ever had dreams that also came with a feeling too. Like a lightly pleasurable feeling that feels good and makes me feel wanted and want to smile. It's so odd that it makes me think something in his consciousness is sending me messages. Not only that,but in my dreams E always serves perfectly the role i'd ideally want him to play as a male. Alpha,confident,making moves on me,forceful,soothing,caretaking. In those dreams that feel good he is somehow exactly what I want,but consciously I've NEVER seen him that way. I'm so confused on what dreams really mean,so it's hard for me to say. I believe they can at times predict future events,and mostly just tell the subsconscious but at times are psychic links between others. The ambiguity makes dreams at times hard to figure out. The psychic dreams also would happen more often with E when we stopped speaking or when i felt myself on his mind. One ability I have is i'm a very good receiver of energy,i'm very in tune. I guess it's just annoying because I literally was over him,and them boom,I have that dream and it's made me go hmm and wonder what it really means. I've even had someone else on my mind lately so it's all very odd.
    -forcing myself to heal and be myself
    -that i get to go and get my card tomorrow finally
    -tv shows on youtube i've been watching
    -being reminding/realizing what i want in a guy. a very alpha,patriarchal type guy. this character is shown as the norm on the show i'm watching and it's so sexy. the male characters are very dominant and controlling. it's rare to see that even nowadays and this show is only like 15 years old and is a normal teen tv show. as weird or whatever as it may be,i've realized i do like hero type guys and like guys that make me feel like the little girl. that is my ideal relationship put in words. there's different types of feminine types,and that's the type i most prefer to identify. the other type is the very submissive 50's housewife type but that's actually not my ideal of what i want to be like. An ex has an ex who seems to be like that. My femininity is a little less mature,a little less graceful,and just a slight feistiness which i think is a good thing to have,that slight bit amount of. My femininity is also a little bit more helpless. All these are to know who i really am,where i'm happiest,my dark sides,etc
    -the cat sleeping with me
    -my healing stones and little buddha statues. i like having them displayed out now.
    -mobile editing apps
    -feeling relatively upbeat,and in good spirits for the most part the last two days
    -high heels
    -being forward looking
    -feeling just slightly more connected to life,and interconnected

  6. #306


    -mercy,compassion,and forgiveness
    -how amazing the painting print of transitioned loved one looks on the trunk
    -my beauty. it's important for me to say this because my anxieties and image disorder have really been grappling me lately. i've been thinking more and more about talking to a professional for help on my bdd. i was looking at old photos of myself earlier and see a hideous monster and it's causing me to behave in bizarre energy sucking ways.
    -my eye for curating
    -coming out a winner and giving myself some resolve from the fight in my head
    -the amazing steam room session that had me feeling amazing for a few hours. the sessions are another form of meditation for me these days,and during it i felt a strong wave of emotion saying to myself i'm done being perfect. how ecstatic it would be to let go of all perfection and to just be! to be truly real and free from the bondage of fear of what others think and imperfections and how in effect surrendering to that,would have me become only even more beautiful,free,sexy,alluring,and "perfect." i just want to live now,and have fun. i'm so over trying to find spiritual enlightenment and holding myself back because of what others would think and being afraid to shine my light or seem superficial or not enough,or weird or dramatic,or anything! I just want to be. I just want to be! I just want to be! I just want to be. I have been in a bondage of overthinking and trying too hard. It's caused me to grapple with an image disorder and be paralyzed by fear of being physically harmed and to just hold myself back for far too long. I'm ready to be free and invincible and empowered,and powerful and loving every step I take and the tune of my song and expression of me that I am. i also got sweatier then i ever have during this session and just feel cleaner every time after. it's so interesting to me as i used to think of sweat as gross before.
    -being productive today
    -compliments and brava
    -hot lavender tea
    -allowing myself to feel emotional
    -pretty things
    -going tanning today
    -living in a nice city
    -trust in life and certain things building,a feeling of connection i cannot see
    -clean towels
    -observing my feelings,desires,and so on

    -getting emails caught up
    -getting social security errand done and it being done nice and quick and easy
    -a few minutes on the porch at night
    -how cute the cat is
    -how amazing my hair has gotten,perhaps from steaming. it feels like barbie doll hair
    -knowing that this too shall pass
    -feeling like at the least,i've been getting in deeper touch with myself lately or even ever before which is nice. although this year has been what feels like the biggest hibernation year in years,i also feel like i'm finding myself deeper then i ever have in ways
    -how fresh the air felt today

  7. #307


    -finally being there. that point of clarity. idk what it took.after striving and striving and looking for spiritual enlightenment and to better myself while on the inside feeling angry,hurt and inadequate,i stopped seeking spiritual enlightenment. I let go,I am embracing more fully imperfection,ME,and mystery and from this my inner knowing has become stronger again. I've made some small changes as well and that's played an affect too i'm sure. I no longer distract myself with things such as tarot since i now believe it's not only pointless but harmful and actually blocks your intuition. And,i've moved away from the vegan movement. Even just by distancing myself from vegan vlogs for a few days now,i actually feel much better. I kept that on as an interest for over a year which is unlike me. It was only a few months ago i started to notice that it's made my anxieties worse and my vibe lower. So, I know now that this is the way. Good came from the initial interest of becoming vegan and some of what it reawakened in me,but i have no interest to have vegan friends or be heavily interested in vegan culture anymore. By distancing myself from things like the vlogs,i can come more into myself and better serve the world. This just feels so right to me. I was meant to change my diet,and become reawakened to animal advocacy but that's all. I am grateful for that path,and that it's come full cycle and now time to continue on being vegan in my own way and cut these distractions now.
    -steam rooms and sweating. another thing that perhaps played a part. maybe cleared some things for me. i literally felt drawn to go to a steam room. before i did first start it,,i kept having visuals of my skin being cleaned out,and looking very cleansed and glowy as if it had gotten good skin treatments. i now wonder/and feel this was part of the insight drawing me to go to the steam room. side effect is my skin is looking glowier and really nice and it looks as if my face is decreasing in age. my eyes look wider and glowier too. i'm really a big fan of sweating and will now consider it as important as sunshine,for example. it really is so simple. we get little things drawing us all the time,little connections we feel all the time,etc,etc. I really think the mistake i had made blocking my clarity now is the little distractions i thought were too minor to make a difference(the vegan vlogs and tarot). It's strange because in the past i'd notice quicker when little things were having an effect. my insights and inner knowing have gotten so strong in the last few days. it's crazy.i'm really grateful to be where i wanted to be,and i definitely say if i had to point out what i should've done all this time since march or may,i'd say it was those two tweaks. i'm finally feeling cocooned in clarity.
    -embracing and loving imperfection. i finally realize my obsession with trying to find spiritual enlightenment was really just an excuse to not love myself.this may have been hinted at me before. i have tried way too hard. it's like i thought i had to try and try and try to reach perfect spiritual detox in order to manifest a perfect moment,and be free to live. i was keeping myself prisoner with this mindset.i'm emotional even at the realization of this.i used it as an excuse to not live. I don't need to have a perfect diet. I don't need to be a perfect vegan.I don't need to say the perfect words. I can make "wrong" decisions. I can be superficial at times. This is all ok. It's no wonder i couldn't align with certain things. It's so weird,and amazing to me that THIS is what it took to reach this moment. It seems so mundane and simple. But,then it usually is. I have been afraid to express myself yet expression is one of the biggest things for me that is essential to my nourishment. No wonder i've felt so unfragmented.
    -sleeping wonderfully lately
    -ordering a halloween costume today,because i want to make sure i go out this year for it and something told me to get a costume early today
    -seeing a cute costume for the cat possibly that made me smile
    -the tv show i've been watching
    -how amusing the cat is
    -feeling more secure i've been feeling
    -making appointment for spa
    -reading facebook comments on someone's post about my primary industry and smiling remembering and feeling that drawn to going back to that
    -sending an email i meant to get done
    -how amazing the little altar area looks with the stones,statues,and print
    -the air filter in here
    -how amazing best friend is now
    -having arrived and how good that feels. i feel such a sense of security now. no rushing,no apathy.
    -hair clips
    -my style
    -being a woman
    -how my energy has become softer
    -being in the mood for a love life again and thinking about qualities i want for someone. it's nice to feel ready to move towards someone new
    -getting a little cleaning done today
    -hoodie sweaters
    -how amazing my facial features are,and their symetry
    -body looking a little more toned and smooth possibly
    -hot tea
    -cafe latte and maple cookies and how good the go together
    -social media
    -the little things
    -feeling both child-like and feminine
    -how by surrendering,i feel more in control
    -my desires for adventures
    -a little bit of happiness in my heart
    -feeling cleansed
    -smiling at timing sometimes
    -simplifying. keep it simple. enjoy the human experience.
    -how amazing my nails and hair have been in the last few days

  8. #308


    -alter area in living room
    -steam time and sweating
    -how smooth my skin has gotten
    -that feeling that i'm about to come september step into something new
    -being in tune with my body and not pressuring myself to do too much today
    -the amazing print of transitioned loved one
    -getting my eucalyptus oil in the mail today and how great it is
    -hair clips
    -how amazing my hair is
    -my bone structure
    -my teeth
    -watching old tv show episodes
    -vegan maple cookies
    -my fave vegan coffee currently
    -going for a short night walk and seeing the moon and how great the moon looked and how healing that was
    -a nice meditation today
    -best friend
    -becoming more grounded in logic,which is in effect allowing me to see the unspoken in a more clear light instead of feeling deluded,out of sorts,and confused. feeling very pisces and virgo,and funny enough that's where the horoscope currently is. sun in virgo and full moon in pisces. makes sense.i feel logic and yet in tune with the unseen and it feels amazing to have that balance.
    -how much better i've been sleeping. i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
    -writing. i had started to feel panicy before bed,and picked up my notebook and just wrote what i envision myself to become,envisioning my desires and what i want and who i want to be and it lulled me to calmness and i then closed it and fell asleep
    -finding out answers and making a decision
    -embracing the bank i resisted and deciding maybe that bank isn't so bad,especially since it is starting to seem more and more not so bad,i even was able to quickly order checks for free after i thought they didn't have checks so it was odd but great. i had felt so much inner resistance to simple things since may and it made little things come up that were just stupid,and tonight,after i applied to two more new ones,i felt calmness,like of course i'll be approved. so,i think i will keep this one and get one new one so i have a bank that fits the need this one i have doesn't fit.i have been panicy about getting little things done which made them feel like mountains to climb so calming down has really clarified my perceptions and made me realize there IS no problem. I've really let go of alot this month. A lot of inner resistances have melted away. It's funny how much we fight,and fight,and fight things on the inside,and call it stress. Just let it go. It's so nice to finally be where i wanted to be for months now.It doesn't look how i thought it would look and the solution was so simple,it's stupid,but it doesn't matter. I'm there.
    -while on my walk,i seen these townhomes,and inside the lighting was so nice,i thought,if i could just have that light,i'd be so much happier with my place. the places looked more high end because of the light and just so warm and inviting. so,now i will soon try and see what i can do about that. that to me was a piece of inspiration. i've been mentally jotting down notes of what i want in an apartment,in my ideal apartment what do I want and it's been helpful for me. being in a place i want to move so quickly away from,has motivated me to ask what do i want,really. Contrast,i guess.

  9. #309


    -eye massage
    -steaming time and sweating
    -my hair
    -doing some writing
    -full moon
    -hot tea
    -having great facial features
    -skin being smoother
    -nails being smoother
    -delving into new
    -paying attention to my dreams and that my dreams are now more positive;dreamt about A today along with someone he knows. It was a weird dream. Casual and displayed a sort of manifestation of desire i have. can't say it's a psychic dream or not,the only reason i even thought that E dream was,was because of the feeling i had and that it seemed to have similarities to recurring dreams i used to have with E that have come true.
    -envisioning true surrender and what it would feel like if one was completely blissed out in relaxation,trust in life,and surrender to the moment how they would really feel
    -the cat and how amusing he is
    -that i've been sleeping like a rock lately.
    -dry brushing
    -appreciating and being more in my femininity,i just feel more in that energy and it feels nice.
    -the shape of my body
    -a new month coming

  10. #310


    -a celebration today. celebrating the full moon,a new month coming,a new season is here,transforming and becoming new from the spring and summer,and in honor of secrets
    -finding smores oreos today and how great they taste
    -going to the beach today and how great it ended up being,the water was perfect
    -finishing up my show i was watching
    -feeling pretty light most of the day to the point that i was spontaneously giggling at the little things.
    -before bed when i was already very tired deciding to do some affirmations and then having it turn into journal-esque slightly as it revealed things to me that were powerful and transformational,and gave me a reason to celebrate today
    -the quiet
    -feeling more intense positive emotions again
    -my stomach getting sculpted again
    -ordering a humidifier today
    -feeling good
    -feeling excited for autumn
    -being truly transformed and back to me again
    -having let go,of the attachments and perfection and fears
    -smiling at timing that makes it seem as if there is a "fate" at work
    -an inner smile
    -the power
    -stretching the imagination
    -getting that awful cheap painting that came with the place off the wall already. it made the place feel so much better once it was gone.

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