1. #751


    -confirming a job for primary career. haven't done a job like this in years and i think it'll be good with my plans i have.
    -agency from winter who gave me a lot of work giving me a ton of jobs for april and how nice it'll be that from im going to be very busy with paid stuff until may
    -T kitten
    -compassion for self
    -finishing my book letting go of shame that i had been reading.
    -a wonderful,affirming serendipity today! I went out to back porch and seen a tiger striped cat that i was sure wasn't dad cat,as this cat was definitely smaller and then i noticed also much less afraid. I got excited thinking was this S kitten(she looks just like dad cat). It was a cat that had some white on him,and he was a boy so it wasn't S kitten. I think he was a stray since he meowed at me,and even let me pet him. But,to me this experience happened for me. As a sign that S kitten will be back. I've had many things like this happen before,where a similar or more minor version will happen and then shortly after the ACTUAL thing will manifest. It just kind of felt sign-like as well. The cat didn't even stay long,he ate a bit of the food i put out for him,and then went on his way. Shortly after,i was on instagram and seen a photo of someone with a logo outfit saying "womb mates." That's the nickname I used to give T kitten and S kitten...Maybe that part was me thinking too much into things,but even still,so interesting life is. I also think the cat coming was an experience echoing what a friend had said in messages to me the other day...that there will be times when you will be there for others,and times when others will be there for you..when she had said that it felt profound and seeing the cat today got me thinking of how naturally,i fed the cat and pet it and was going to find a way to offer it some warmth and started thinking ok,how will we help this kitty...and someone could've very likely had done and is doing the same when they seen S kitten...i found myself getting very excited almost like..electrified about the possibilities.
    -being appreciated
    -feeling wanted.
    -pindi chana kitchens of india food. this flavor has the perfect amount of spice i like and is so good. i had it with some slices of french bread.
    -having an amazing realization..unfolding of hmm,maybe THIS is why THAT happened before bed last night..So,I had always said i don't think i need an anti-depressant. I even got mad and didn't know why at something someone had said thinking i need something for my intrusive thoughts and feeling jealous they got something i thought was something i heard was good for that. I threw away the new med i was supposed to be trying and so was on NO antidepressant. The other day,i had noticed gosh,my intrusive thoughts have been much worse. I also acknowledged I have an eating disorder. The psychiatrist looked as if he was laughing at me as I was trying to tell him what i wrote in my notes(before this realization). So,maybe he was seeing something i hadn't yet? Just before bed,it clicked in intrusive thoughts got worse...after I threw out what was supposed to be my antidepressant...I got mad because I wanted to be on anti-depressant for OCD. I had been resistant that being on an antidepressant was something i needed. Well,i realized,for me,it IS something I need...not for depression but FOR my intrusive HAD been helping my OCD. So,I finally realized an antidepressant is for me,and for what i believe is "intrusive thoughts." Ever since this realization I cannot WAIT to pick up my rx. My mind has been out of control and i didnt know why. He also switched my rx when i told him what i said to what i think is a good one for intrusive thoughts,though at this point the main theme for me i do need to be on antidepressant,i do need that extra help,but for the intrusive thoughts aspect of it. I had gone of for months saying depression can be healed naturally,blah,blah,blah not thinking i really needed an antidepressant until i finally understood that's what is prescribed for OCD. I think part of me since therapy had been obsessed with labels and trying to self heal myself since i don't trust doctors. even that's part of my control freak side..
    -listening to some root chakras and thetas music playlist
    -creative expression and expressing myself
    -becoming more confident
    -yoga stretches
    -cleaning the litter box
    -cleaning out my beauty products drawer
    -how much it's easier it's become to manifest paying jobs with ease
    -all the job offers that have been coming in and getting better at allowing it in
    -sweet soda
    -craving soda less now that i've been on my new plan of naturally detoxing and cutting back on it
    -la croix
    -posting some new pictures of mine online
    -newness and reinvention
    -sending more emails out
    -reassuring myself with all the mind-wandering that keeps popping up
    -laughing at life
    -my eyes
    -my eyebrows
    -being smart
    -how great my stomach is becoming
    -my phone
    -my uniqueness
    -my taste in things
    -my goals and desires
    -TV episodes online
    -my beauty
    -having a nice body
    Last edited by buttercup; 16th March 2017 at 06:00 AM.

  2. #752


    -deep cleansing breathes
    -meditating today
    -french fries
    -finding out by checking my account,that M had transferred some money in it yesterday
    -all the job's ive been confirming
    -realizing it's probably the meds that is why i've felt like crap the last few days. And,learning I do need to be on antidepressant for my OCD.
    -the internet
    -so many lately wanting to accomodate me and meet closer to me and even give me a ride when i have to meet up
    -my goals and desires
    -weather being unexpectedly warmer then i thought and a lot of snow melting
    -enjoying an savoring the night air for a couple minutes
    -my body losing weight
    Last edited by buttercup; 18th March 2017 at 09:54 AM.

  3. #753


    still feel like there's a dark cloud over me and my body has felt weak and sore and my head feels so heavy.i think ive had like 2 mini panic attacks in my sleep and once in the car on my way home. I really do need to listen the doctors a little more. Both times i tried to get off a different type med or take extra,it was always a bad mistake. im' just taking it easy the next few days and being easy on myself.
    -doing my job today
    -being easy on myself. Had another bdd episode that to me,to be able to work through it is hard. I think it plays a key part in why I didn't do more,sometimes. Intrusive thoughts are such an energy sucker. I used to take showers like 5 times a day sometimes just because my energy lowered and now it's more naps. At least now I know what my main issue is.
    -T kitten for making me laugh
    -person i worked with bringing us some water which is great because then i was able to take my pills which quieted things a little and took my headache away.
    -fashion and style. i've been so fashion obsessed lately.
    -seeing how much H kitten has opened up. He still gets very nervous and doesn' like to be picked up but he walks right in the house sometimes,lets me rub his stomach,and walks me to the door to show me he wants back out now.
    -hearing news that another person,a neighbor 4 houses down saying she's seen our outdoor cats and that they come in her yard sometimes and she feeds them,too.
    -my cheetah print cardigan
    -finding new inspirations
    -another day without soda.
    -meeting my goals and manifesting my desires.
    -scalp message
    -ordering myelf a teddy bear hairbrush that was super cute
    -partner at job today picking up the kit and dropping it off which saved me a trip
    -how nice it felt to sit outside a for a couple minutes and enjoy the nightskies
    -la croix

  4. #754


    been taking it easy since i havent been feeling so good. My head has felt heavy,my body week and my mind just so overwhelmed from the intrusive thoughts. I feel very stressed by it and like there is a dark cloud over me. I'm never throwing out my antidepressants again.
    -going to whole foods today
    -winning and getting what i want
    -unique beauty
    -scalp massage
    -going to look for s kitten today and posting more flyers
    -creative expression
    -my phone
    -T kitten and how cute he is and how he always makes me laugh
    -listening to the sound of water
    -hot guys
    -eye stretches
    -feeling more and more rerooted back to myself
    -getting a dentist appointment
    -gong outside last night and seeing T kitten sleeping with mom cat. So adorable and love to see her bonding with them,especially since she is always wacking all her children.
    -newness and positive changes
    -all the upcoming jobs,meetings,etc
    -deep cleansing breaths
    -gin gins
    -my beauty products
    -that i almost can finally get the face cream i've had on mind for awhile now
    -being smart
    -being creative
    -starting to find cola kind of gross tasting now
    -W cat letting me hold. He is such a cuddle bug
    -waking up early today
    -having nice eyes
    -being able to see
    -having nice hair
    -being able to work in the industries i do
    -one of my exes agreeing to see me.
    -my goals and desires
    Last edited by buttercup; 20th March 2017 at 04:44 AM.

  5. #755


    I cannot even believe i used to feel like this on a regular basis. My intrusive thoughts have been out of control. I ended up not going to my class the other day and today pretty much stayed in bed all day and slept a lot. It just sucks the life out of me and i feel like i want to lay low until it's over.The good thing is i got off one of my meds that i feared going off of because i thought i needed it to sleep,and ive managed to sleep fine,maybe even better as i'm dreaming a lot less(thank god) and waking up without as much of a struggle. I also just feel a little more like me again,so i think it's good i stay off this med,it's just a matter of getting the anti depressant right as so far the paxil isn't doing anything for me but making me depressed. im just unbelievably stressed.
    -sleep and sleeping fine without the quetiapine
    -orange juice
    -going to my dentist appointment today
    -finding out my insurance does cover the surgery i need
    -still meeting my cut down on soda goals. didnt drink any today and felt fine. however,la croix nicola flavor is not so good so i wont be getting that one again
    -la croix
    -cats. T kitten sleeping with me.We have such a strong bond. H cat sleeping with us too for part of the time. Technically H cat is still a kitten too. He is from the 2nd litter.
    -yoga.i did ten minutes before starting this and it did help me a little bit to calm my mind
    -ex A and i speaking to each other again.
    -self compassion
    -all the money to be coming in soon
    -the internet
    -cool people

  6. #756
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    New Zealand


    gratitude enhances the freedom you already have

    Gratitude is the source of abundant abundance - spiritually rich enhancement

    I made a oath to god that I will practice gratitude for the rest of my life

  7. #757


    managed to lift myself out of the dark funk i was in a little bit.
    -deciding to go to work today if for no other reason to help me get out of my funk and get back to myself a little
    -the weather being warmer then i expected today.
    -T kitten and how much he loves me
    -all the cats that come to our yard and have made it their home.
    -M buying me a brownie the other day from starbucks
    -the new mouthwash i've been using which is supposed to help dry mouth
    -deciding that i really dont want or need to be on an antipsychotic after being off it for the last few days and still being able to sleep.
    -pants getting looser on me
    -my job i have coming up this weekend
    -compassion for self
    -TV episodes online
    -deep cleansing breaths
    -sitting with myself for a little bit and sorting out my intrusive thoughts which was what really helped lift my mood
    -kind people
    -my beauty products
    -dreaming less ever since stopping quetiapine. so nice.
    -manifesting my desires
    -seeing G at yoga studio. was very weird since i hadnt seen him in months.i was completely over him though at this point and didnt feel anything about it
    -getting a ride to work
    -seeing the joy/amusement in life.i had to go to laundromat because washing machine is broke and the laundromat was always one of those weird ones that stood out,and going in i couldn't help but be amused.i felt like i was in another country. the whole setup was so bright and colorful it reminded me of being in japan or tokyo. it was very interesting.
    -becoming more confident and competant
    -my new teddy bear hairbrush
    Last edited by buttercup; 24th March 2017 at 10:06 AM.

  8. #758


    funny how i start to get myself out of my funk just a little bit,and someone starts giving me ---- That threw me off all last night and today. on top of that,just minutes ago,i found out breaking news that is huge that i know ex's parents arent going to be happy about,at all. seeing what i seen made me feel a weird mix of smug amusement and sad for my ex. apparently...his gf is pregnant. i can just imagine him freaking out right now. I warned him so much about how she is. hopefully it is wrong or a false alarm,i guess.
    -sleep. it's all i've wanted to do all week. I've slept like 20 hours a day some days,it feels like.
    -my new hair color
    -doing a job for primary career and how good that feels in some ways,though in other ways i feel too old for it,not in looks but in years that have passed on since the last time i did a job like that.
    -making it to work on time today,even though i woke up super late and almost was late,i ended up perfectly on time.
    -having model looks
    -T kitten and how happy he makes me
    -bringing T kitten in even for only 5 minutes today which helped me feel a lot better
    -self reassurance with my ocd thoughts
    -all the walking i did the past days. good natural exercise.
    -kind people
    -cucumber water. seems to be a theme with hair jobs lately. i've grown to like the taste,though i don't like cucumbers.
    -my heart's desires and goals
    -getting the vouchers printed tonight
    -that it's spring time
    -that T kitten has been wanting to spend more time outside anyways
    -beauty in life
    Last edited by buttercup; 29th March 2017 at 06:32 AM.

  9. #759


    -seeing the good in the bad
    -feeling slightly more normal today
    -bringing T kitten in room even just for a little bit and how good that feels
    -being smart
    -seeing the universe bend to what i want and what i am going through via the law of attraction and how interesting it is. for example,seeing someone i know mentioning raising an outdoor cat they adopted from a shelter
    -being done with the job i started last saturday
    -how good it feels to do those jobs again from primary career
    -having new hair
    -being appreciated
    -the goody bag i got filled with so many hair products
    -T kitten sitting on my lap on the porch earlier
    -seeing my unique features becoming more mainstream and accepted.
    -seeing old mental blocks being gone now
    -having a large chest. im in shock when i see pictures of myself
    -clients liking my look
    -the hummus on the last day of my last job
    -putting a litter box outside for T kitten
    -going looking for S kitten today
    -seeing ANOTHER tiger striped kitten that looked like it'd be about S kitten's size run out of the yard and W cat following the kitten which was odd. Idk if it was the same tiger striped cat from a week ago or what but it definitely seemed like signs.
    -feeling T kitten was nice and warm when he came up to me one of the times yesterday. I think he was in one of the shelters that the shelter gave us that we had inside the scaffold shelter
    -seeing some materials available to purchase to leaflet about a cause i am passionate about,including something in spanish which is perfect so i ordered it.
    -realizing before i didn't use to feel like i give enough and now these days i do feel like my giving side is more balanced which is nice
    Last edited by buttercup; 29th March 2017 at 06:26 AM.

  10. #760


    -some cuddle time with T kitten
    -all the funny things T kitten does that makes me laugh and that all the cats do
    -dental floss
    -clorox wipes
    -catching up on emails and calls a little bit
    -positive possibilties
    -remembering bliss
    -working in a creative industry
    -the fields i work in
    -stomach getting flatter
    -deep cleansing breaths
    -meds to take when i feel my moods waning
    -yoga stretches
    -deep cleansing breaths
    -gently allowing wellbeing and positivity back in
    -the cat houses outside
    -the weather getting nicer
    -orange flavorings
    -happy memories
    -having lived a lot of cool experiences
    -my heart chakra spray
    Last edited by buttercup; 30th March 2017 at 05:50 AM.

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