GRATITUDE LIST

[buttercup]

today's been a bit of a bummer. it's already summer. i met up with B yesterday. It went nice. We vibed. Afterwards,he said he is very attracted to me but thinks we arent compatible and should be friends. it literally makes no sense since he said chemistry is more important to him before.i think there's something else. he looked younger,and cuter in person and like a soft-hearted type. It's too bad. We were very polite to each other and everything. Afterwards,when he said what he said i stayed polite and wished him luck in finding his right person. I just cant help but feel maybe he is pushing me away. He seemed bummed too,i think saying he is just going to start focusing more on work. I think i am,too. Another bummer is,the guy G i was going to have a date with tomorrow looks like it may not pan out,he gave me his home address when i said where are we meeting and i said i don't hook up with guys i hardly know and no response yet and it's been hours. Ugh. But,at least i'm making progress and getting out there. Two dates in 2 weeks after not a single date in like a year.I need to trust the process and let it all unfold.
-that my room is finally finished
-mysteriously having more money in my account
-biotene
-relaxing music
-cuddle time with T kitten
-my outdoor cats
-my beauty
-nourishment
-iced water
-connection
-booking another job for primary career. maybe i am on my path to my goal of "becoming famous."
-lorazapam
-sleep
-newness
-TV episodes online to watch
-getting a check in the mail today
-cold coca cola
-M's husband talking to me when i felt sad today
-M's husband bringing me a donut for breakfast
-M's husband being nice to me today
-becoming more self sufficient but realizing there is still some agoraphobia there
-my therapist agreeing to write a letter that i can only work part time right now
-buying myself an om tank top and bach flower remedy to cheer myself up
-feeling almost ready to exit my gray phase i've been in
-beyond meat plant based burgers
-my phone
-my stomach starting to feel better
-night skies
-goals
-motivation
-doing some more reading today
-doing some more studying today
-reconnecting with people from the past
-faith
-hope
-getting another mental influence book in the mail i ordered
-music
-that im trying
-that i am making progress
-therapy yesterday
-compliments that i'm glowing from all the awesome skincare products i've been using
-compliments on my hair
-makeup
-my style
-great uber rates
-uber
-my gucci slides
-sportsbras
-my glitter slides
-cuteness
-self compassion

[buttercup]

-my strength. it's been a bummer of a week but i'm getting through
-protein drinks
-beyond meat vegan burgers with mustard
-nausea going away
-cuddle time with T kitten
-allowing myself to express my art and creativity
-TV episodes online
-cats
-sleep
-wearing my new yoga pants
-having nice hair
-focusing more on fitness and how good that feels
-lorazapam
-doing some reading
-doing some studying
-inspiration
-letting myself be more confident
-being easy on myself
-friend texting me today
-my beauty
-nice weather
-sunshine
-appreciation
-night skies
-getting a lot of work done yesterday
-self forgiveness
-taking things one day at a time
-aloe vera gel
-makeup
-hope
-my new bedroom walls
-my teeth being all bonded
-remembering intention manifesting
-my heart chakra spray
-art
-having nice hair

[buttercup]

-music
-confirming more jobs to exceed my bare minimum financial goals for july
-my child-like looks
-perfect cuddle time with T kitten
-trusting life
-my lifecoach
-the hypnosis recordings my lifecoach makes me
-going to sleep at my normal time
-getting the certificate for course i was studying for today. one more left and i'm done! can't believe i started this in like july
-ideas
-creative hunches
-becoming more free
-getting my power back
-my body getting nice and in shape
-my beauty
-going to spinning class last night
-laughing
-spinning class
-my appetite going a little more normal and nausea/vomiting going away
-being assertive
-treating myself to some mini donuts and coffee,beverly hills 90210 and cuddle time with T kitten after getting my certificate
-TV episodes online
-sending peace emails for my own healing to Dan's gf to her and him and then seeing her later in the day and her saying hi to me and me saying hi back. i'm not going to be her friend and i blocked her shortly after sending my message but i'm done being afraid of them
-my phone
-my cat socks
-getting appointment for specialist for health annoyance i've been having
-lorazapam
-feeling motivated
-my new fashion editor saying she is sending me something and asking for my address
-self compassion
-pinterest
-uber
-sitting down and buying myself lunch and a glass of merlot on my work break last week
-all the people from my past i contacted and the pleasant responses i got and healing i got from 2 people in particular that i really missed
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-aloe vera gel
-sleep
-wellness
-my room being organized
-treating life as an adventure and remembering fun
-my escentric 02 perfume
-all the progress and movement i've been making
-my goals
-my ambition
-things coming together
-protein drinks
-hope
-faith
-kindness
-trying new things
-the internet

[buttercup]

-my laptop
-the supplements i take
-stretches
-going with M on the train yesterday and getting some walking and watching her class then going with her to whole foods
-healing
-my succulent skin gel
-quality time with T kitten
-making a lot of money compared to two years ago
-rest
-going to the pool with M today and how great the water felt and then going to the mall and getting some new makeup,an american flag kimono/poncho,and some leopard print flip flops
-TV episodes online
-lorazapam
-M saying she is taking me shopping for my birthday
-that my checks will be coming soon
-my life coach
-my hypnosis audios
-saving money
-my sense of style
-my child-like side
-having a nice chest
-my beauty
-getting my recaps done
-getting a little reading done
-mike's hard lemonade hard mango
-my creativity
-my dolce&gabbana sunglasses
-prayer
-beyond meat vegan burgers
-protein drinks
-instagram

[buttercup]

-doing some rearranging with my trip dates and finding it cleared some energy for me to change it to what i think is more fitting for me
-buying a concert ticket to a concert i always wanted to go to with the extra money i'd now have
-M saying her son doesn't want to do anything in the evening with her tomorrow so we can go to my favorite mall that i mentioned to her the other day
-indian food
-orange flavorings
-TV episodes online
-clearing and decluttering my papers drawer
-getting my awesome marble print balloons blown up and how beautiful they look
-the beautiful birthday card my associate fashion editor sent me
-buying myself a certificate for a chemical peel
-getting an check unexpectedly in the mail today
-cuteness
-sleep
-yoga
-responding back to publicist today
-self compassion
-having a kind heart
-fun
-laughing at life
-art
-fashion
-making more money then i did last year
-beauty
-inspiration
-my femininity
-enjoying a little bit of fourth of july sweet with coffee for breakfast
-the internet
-my phone
-doing some reading today
-doing some studying today
-the supplements i take
-relaxation
-the fireworks dying down for the night
-reaching for the moon
-feeling more energized
-naps
-smiling
-my uniqueness
-colors
-sunshine
-meeting amazing people
-night skies
-quiet
-my heart chakra intention spray

[buttercup]

-the internet
-getting my laptop charger in the mail
-finding a tiny kitten in the yard today. M's husband seen her/him last evening while i was asleep. We took her with while bringing me to my job and have been feeding her,and keeping an eye on her She is so cute but the other cats haven't been taking very kindly to her. Even so,she seems content and still has been staying near us. Even my baby T kitten,hissed at her when i tried bringing them in the room together. The cats also run from her even though she is so tiny.
-unexpected beautiful surprises
-hot guys
-deciding to buy myself a concert ticket the other day since i want more fun in my life and am trying to change my focuses a little bit
-getting my lorazapam. finally feel like myself again
-all the paid jobs i have booked
-my power
-all the money im earning this june and july
-fashion
-motivation
-physical exercise
-night skies
-sunshine
-my progress and growth
-soda pop
-rags
-feeling better
-water
-growing confidence and overcoming mental blocks
-doing some studying today
-love
-kindness
-happiness
-appreciation
-friendliness
-colors
-the flowers i got for my birthday
-deciding to give up one of the programs i was on since was feeling it was too much and was burned out.
-deep cleansing breaths
-iced coffee
-smiling
-TV episodes online
-my bed
-deciding to go for some mini bike rides alone just to show i could
-going for a mini walk around the city after work the other day and perusing the gucci store

[buttercup]

-l the little kitten that came out of nowwhere in our yard with our cats and has been trying to fit in with them. she is so sweet and docile. very pretty and fluffy. We've been taking care of her. She likes to lay on my neck and has been making T kitten very upset for some reason.
-blondie bites
-water
-eating less
-vegan veggie burgers
-mustard
-my phone
-being back to normal
-my lifecoach
-my lifecoach giving me a bracelet from the cayman islands as a birthday gift
-an acquantance from my past saying im really beautiful and asking when he can take me on a date and saying he's liked me for awhile
-TV episodes online
-being prescribed xanax
-deep cleansing breaths
-makeup
-magazines
-learning
-new perspectives
-beauty
-my new leopard yoga pants i got in the mail
-motivation
-getting my whole room cleaned this morning despite feeling not so well from allergies and not taking any naps today
-doing more studying
-finishing off the last book i was working on
-doing rebounding and how mood boosting that was and how it gave me more energy
-night skies
-fashion
-window browsing neiman marcus the other day
-my new gray comforter
-my eyeglasses
-yoga
-music
-great reflections
-kindness
-happiness
-confirming more jobs today
-finding out i have another job i didnt think i had which makes up for a job that was cancelled
-my miu miu clutch
-iced almond hazelnut lattes
-scalp massage
-face massage and face yoga
-exchanging my certificate and ending up with one of an even better value
-buying another pillow type thing for S missing kitten and describing what i wanted to seller and she offering to make me a mini version of the one she made me before of the older cat for free of any extra money then what i had just paid so instead of the 2inch i paid for,she will make 7 inch and usually theyare 10 inches which is perfect since S is kitten and T is cat.

[buttercup]

l keeps trying to hit me up for sex but saying he only wants sex not a relationship or friendship or dating.i told him again to just leave me alone if that's all he wants. i dont get him at all. the problem is i actually really enjoy him as sex and he may be one of the better sexual partners i've had. And,i enjoy hanging out with him. he's been acting weird and confusing ever since we had sex.
-T contacting me the other day randomly saying i am so beautiful and that he's thought this for awhile and is just finally speaking up about it and asking when can we go on a date. of course,now i've been thinking about him. i'm over B and T and L are the ones mainly on my mind. L used to ignore texts all the time and disappear but now he's actually coming back after some time and responding.
-compliments
-flowers
-my appetite coming back
-being able to help L kitten
-vegan food
-motivation
-drinking more water
-my phone
-my job going well the other day and feeling like my first career job again
-beauty products
-physical exercise
-walking
-pictures
-the magic book by rhonda byrne i got in the mail
-healthy digestion
-earning more money then last year
-benzos
-TV episodes online and on my phone
-going with the flow
-my kind heart
-my miu miu clutch
-colors
-getting things done
-rags
-calmness
-my strength
-naps

[DarkChylde]

y digestion
-earning more money then last year
-benzos
-TV episodes online and on my phone
-going with the flow

my word! nothing better than benzos! , once you figure out how good they are there's no going back , they are a definite life changer.


so glad your'e doing well

Much Love
DC

[buttercup]

my word! nothing better than benzos! , once you figure out how good they are there's no going back , they are a definite life changer.


so glad your'e doing well

Much Love
DC

they sure are. they're so controversial but honestly for me they've made me a new person.