Hello Robert,
I am very happy to have found your NEW technique and forum - thank you for your work
I am looking for the best way to deal with my problem of pain throughout my energy body - can you give me any advice?
Really sorry this is so long, it should be an entertaining read anyway; the rundown:
1.) Eight years ago I did my first 10-day Goenka vipassana meditation retreat - it was there that I became aware for the first time of my subtle body and how it is a mass of tension and pain - clogged up completely into the feet and hands. I was especially driven in meditation (too much so perhaps) but I was able to meet the sensations with awareness and equanimity and over the years since my spiritual practice has been very supportive. During the retreat my subtle body opened completely and I believe I experienced the 4th jhana of Buddhist practice and I had an internal experience of looking at myself as a light body for a couple of seconds which quickly vanished when a thought started to form
2.) After that first retreat I began a disciplined meditation practice of 2 hours per day, one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening
3.) Six months later (7.5 years ago) I did another 10-day retreat. On that retreat I went very deep in meditation and my body started doing symmetrical bowing motions and making yogic mudras with the hands. My 'higher self' took over my body as an extremely calm and benevolent state and my crown chakra opened like a flap at the top of my head. I started doing spontaneous pranayama exercises and my breath would stop for many minutes at a time as I was so deep in meditation. My 'higher self' just kind of took over and I allowed it - at one point I very quickly passed my awareness in a circular motion around my entire head to clear out the energy there and I believe that is what opened my 6th and 7th chakras. I was very contented (not blissful sensations) and when I asked myself if I could share my good vibes with the new students, my head tilted back and splayed energy out behind me to the rows of students in the back as I gently swayed with a contented smile on my face - again the crown chakra opened and it felt like a flap on top my head. Later that night I had something of a schizophrenic break down as I realized everything I had experienced up until that point was quite strange and I may have done permanent damage to myself. I was vacillating between a scared little boy aspect of myself (really myself as it was pretty scary) and a total peaceful Buddha nature purely calm aspect, with a slight contented smile - totally back and forth. As I freaked out in my tent things got to a fever pitch in the oh-no-I'm gonna-die sort of way and at a crescendo a bolt of lightning shot up my spine and everything went to normal all of a sudden - it seemed like it went to black and white - from extremely mystical to totally run-of-the-mill in a second. I said to myself 'I just opened my kundalini' although I had no idea what that was really. During the retreat my energy body cleared completely and stayed that way
4.) I continued to meditate although it was pretty scary at times because my body would make these movements and it felt like I was possessed. Whenever I felt a heavy, negative emotion like fear or anxiety the sensation would zip up out of my body through the top of my head, as if I wasn't able to contain it in my system - if I got fearful, I stayed with the sensation in the body and it was gone as soon as it had arrived
5.) At my girlfriend's house just afterward I was distressed about all the mystical stuff happening (I began meditation simply to be more content and at peace) and I mediated in her room asking my higher self intently if I could reverse the process. The wind started blowing really hard outside, my head tiled back and my mouth opened and big beads of heavy energy poured into my throat for five minutes or so. When it was over the strong winds outside stopped. It was otherwise a clear non-windy day and in the other room my GF commented on the wind. I (naively) thought that did the trick, but at dinner that night I felt my head tilting back again and heavy energy clearing itself from my body on it's own (again as if I was possessed) and leaving my body clear of heavy sensation
6.) I did a third ten day retreat one year after that (6.5 years ago) and cleared my subtle body system but I focused on my heart center for hours at a time trying to dissolve the last sensations there. I ended up fainting on day 7 and was kicked off the retreat - I think it was due to an out-of-whack energy system and also being dehydrated in very hot weather
7.) I kept up a meditation practice after that but the heavy blockages reformed in my body. It didn't concern me too much because at this point I had studied a lot about kundalini experience and I realized that I wasn't possessed (I hope anyway) and it was all a process. I have read (and it seems correct) that all the conscious and unconscious emotional changes I have made to improve my life through the practice of sustained awareness and equanimity bring up old energetic reaction patters (sankharas) and my body was simply cleaning itself.
8.) The thing is I am here now so many years later and my energy body is still totally clogged up with tension and pain. My mediation practice involves bare awareness and total acceptance of physical sensations and I allow my awareness to go where it does naturally. When I relax there is an audible clicking noise in my throat where it feels like ascending heavy energy is meeting with my cleared head area and 'popping' on the spot. Though my entire body is rapt with subtle tension and pain my head has remained clear to this day, so I never get headaches and I very rarely get sick (though I have the flu now and mild headaches due to that)
9.) The good news is that using your NEW technique clears out my arms and legs after 30 minutes or so, but my heart center is still like a leaky pipe, spraying heavy painful sensations out to the rest of the body and within a few hours my entire body is clogged up again - I get prickly pins and needles and when I direct my attention anywhere in my legs or arms it's a dull aching tension painful sensation. I read later that it is not advised to stare down your heart center for hours on end as the results can be bad, and old vasanas from past lives could be released and do a number on your system - and I read how you prescribe charging up the lower dantien and not the heart center for safeties sake
10.) I also read in your NEW book that problems such as these may be physiological when they persist like this - but I had an EKG last year that didn’t find anything – though my father has a heart arrhythmia and just needed a quadruple bypass surgery (he’s 74 and I’m 40). My aunts both have diabetes but my father does not. Anyway all recent medical physicals and tests I’ve had show up ok, but I’m concerned that my heavily blocked and painful energy body may lead to actual health complications if I can’t sort them out. From what I understand the kundalini passes up the spine through the crown chakra and then descends to the heart chakra to open it up for spiritual awakening. The clicking in my throat may be the energy descending back down again. I haven’t done a meditation retreat in years but I was considering a three week self-retreat sometime this year to speed up this process of purification.
Questions (phew):
1.) Have you heard of anything like this, is this a part of the process for some?
2.) I am not experiencing negative emotions in real time at all as my heart 'bleeds' painful sensations - it's pretty much continuous, are these deep vasanas limited in number as long as I'm equanimous? Will they eventually run out?
3.) Any recs for practice or energy work you can give me? I have just started with your work today and I wanted to reach out so I know I'm practicing correctly for my situation
Thank you so much and happy New Year!
Daniel
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