I am living alone after a 5 year difficult relationship. We have children which my ex has with her. I go there on the train when I can to see them.

The relationship was a nightmare a lot of the time, my ex has masses of issues and i have tons of bad memories of her being aggressive, screaming in my face, humiliating me in public shouting at me in crowded places, keeping me always confused and unstable by asking me for conflicting and self contradicting things, making chaos and confusion. I keep having stages where I'm OK for weeks and the bad memories crash in and I'm sick ffor days, self harming, punching myself, getting ill.

She's like 2 different people,she turns from a vulnerable, gentle kind person into a cruel mocking person and she doesn't remember what she does when she changes, she denies it.


When she's miserable she just pours despair and anger on the people around her, angry at people on the radio, angry at the newspaper, she just sits in the corner talking about how crap we all are and how crappy her and her family are, in a mocking triumphant voice, and i can feel it pulling me down like sinking into mud. Nothing wins, I've tried shielding and ignoring her and she just turns back into the gentle self and apologises and then pulls me back down again when I trust her. Then lose control at the constant bad feelings dumped on me and become aggressive and she smiles triumph "I told you all men were violent". If I point out that all her family don't want to see her she just uses that to do more despair moaning.

If you look at the wiki page for destabilisation that describes how it was and how I feel.

There have always been times she improved, last year I was living apart but close and I was seeing friends and she decided to sort herself out and stop being negative all the time and got out to see friends. But she started arguing with her relatives again and dumping it on me, asking me round so she could shout at me about her relatives, using me to dump her bad feelings on.
After months of this I screamed and pushed her over and she moved away 3 hour train journey.

When I go and visit she's either being seductive and ass kissing or difficult and miserable. and it's just the litte things, like always I'm fine and she starts saying, what's wrong with you,why are you being weird, and its her in a bad mood not me.

I just can't describe, I worked so hard helping with the kids,I did so much, and she just screamed at me and gave me putdowns the time. Even now she was giving me little putdowns about my body when I visit