Okay, I know this is easier said than done, but you really, REALLY need to work through that fear as soon as possible. Set the intention to resolve that starting yesterday (you can do that; time, like space, is an illusion).
Fear is a very strong energy of belief, and when you fear something... well, let me quote the Bible when I note Job saying, "That which I feared the most has come upon me". This has been my experience of a lifetime. That which we fear gets a lot of attention, and where attention goes, manifestation happens. Fear is a very powerful energy, and it's not one that's easily controllable, either, so it's best to just release it as completely as possible, as soon as possible.
I was very much afraid of going into a psych ward, and guess where I ended up? I didn't know what kundalini was (only learned about it in the past ten years or so, and my big transformation was in full motion a couple of decades ago), but I was very much afraid of whatever was happening to me, even though on some level I understood that it was a healing process. I believe that part of the reason my transformation was more of a spiritual emergency (that, by the way, is now officially listed in the DSM, the "Bible" of psychiatry, though I don't think it was at the time) than a joyful awakening. There were other factors at play with me, as well, so I don't want to frighten you more (I was a complicated mess, to say the least; the term "real piece of work" is not inapplicable), but my fear and resistance made the process considerably harder than it had to be.
So I urge you to try to let go of your fear, even though that seems like a big task. Intention is the only way I know of to get that process going, the process of releasing fear. For all we know, your fear-release has already begun, however, because time is an illusion....
You do not sound at all insane, by the way. You don't feel that way, either (yes, I'm exceptionally empathic, though I'm very guarded and I don't just scope out everyone who particpates here, but you're asking for help, so I'm just doing a little perception). You feel confused, exhausted, a lot of things of that sort, but I'm also picking up resistance, like, you want to keep as much control as you can. While that's understandable, please believe me when I say that the harder you hold on, the more difficult it will be, the longer it will take, and, frankly, you won't be able to resist the forces of spiritual awakening (beause that's what this process ultimately is), so you may as well just let go and know that you're not going to drown or be lost (at least, you won't lose anything you need, though it may seem needful at the time) or become irretrivably insane. You are safe, because "you" are as much an illusion as everything else, and the true self of Consciousness is unchangable. This "you" thing is a character, a mask, that Consciousness uses to interact with the illusion. (Right now, that may sound all guruspeak and stuff, but it will make sense in time.) So it's all good, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
I hope this makes sense to you. I am so familar with what you're going through, and I hope my experience can help you.
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Originally Posted by Atticus858
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