Re: .
I could have written that. Not recently, because there has been time to adjust. In a nutshell, the "self" is an illusion, as you now understand. A kind of mask we use to interface with this thing we call "reality". My realisation of that was a relief, to be honest, but later, when I saw and experienced that nobody else exists, it upset me greatly.
Like you, I've led a life of overcoming, a hero's life, some would say. I think of it as survival, but I guess some of it was heroic. It was certainly brave, at times. Sometimes, I feel like my purpose has been to overcome stuff that others could not, people in my lineage, breaking untold generations of abuse, dysfunction, mental illness, poverty, and on and on. I haven't beaten all of them yet, but many. Maybe most. Hard to know.
I've asked all the questions you're asking. For some I have answers that satisfy me. For others, I'm content with not knowing. For some, I suspect I will eventually know, but it's okay if I never do.
And as for purpose... I hate to say this, but more and more I think there really isn't one, not the way we think of it. It's more about... infinite storytelling, a self-perpetuating creation, where the creation is the creator.
Dunno if any of that makes sense. Maybe one or two things.
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
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