Oh Ia,
If I was you I wouldnt worry one bit about where you are going when you leave here.
Those already there are probably laughing their socks off at all of us trying to understand .
Even those who write books about their experiences dont know it all.
If I could give you any advice, take it or leave it but it's meant kindly.
I was once frustrated at not experiencing beautiful landscapes that have been written about. Why couldnt I?
Do you remember I wrote in the journal one morning that I woke to some beautiful words but couldnt find a pencil to record so when trying to remember the words were clumsy but suggested.

" The destination is not important, but what we do here leads us to our destination".

That is enough for me to think that if you have a kind heart, do your best for yourself and others you have nothing to be concerned about.
Trust your inner guidance and as long as you stay of sound mind and carry on showing the kindness that you do then you may be gently guided.

There's something that bugged me for a while and even frightened me a bit. This thought that we are all one. It doesnt frighten me anymore because I go from what I experience. When I experienced being the little girl for a few seconds but I knew That I was also still ME over in the corner . I knew I was ME but I knew the fears this girl had and why she behaved why she did. I believe as some have written of experiencing of merging minds and knowing everything about this person.
Maybe this is what GOD is. All minds collected together knowing all and everything about everyone and all species. But still able to seperate to our own individuality.
Maybe Im wrong but I doesnt matter to me. I go by this loving inner voice to guide me, and you have one also.
Sorry ,Ive rambled on and may have gone off track a bit here Ia but I only wrote how I think and what I've experienced in the hope you will clear yourself of this fear you hold