I was going to post to a law of attraction site,but then it'd take time to register,and get approved and I just really need to get this out now. I don't question the loa,I see it clear as day often and had too many experiences to doubt it being real. Last year,after having gotten sick and going through troubles,I decided to go through a sort of spirituality cleanse in the sense of kind of taking a break from loa intention manifesting and things like that. I needed to just get simple for awhile. But,recently,I started thinking I want to get to work with intention manifesting again more often as I see people who don't even believe in loa,or who do now,just using loa all the time in their favor meanwhile I am the worst I've ever been at it,ever since about two years ago or so. I just don't know what's my problem anymore. Sometimes,it's easy,I can see how I'm making things manifest by my attention simply with my authentic gratitude. Other times,it's like my mind is stuck,and I just cannot get myself to believe. I don't know why..maybe from going through things,it's made my mind get stuck thinking of times i've manifested negatively.

I find myself getting SO obsessive with some topics. Like love. I cannot get my mind to shut up. I did EFT just now and it helped provide me feeling better,but then a few seconds later,the thoughts still came back of along the lines of "oh,he'll contact me again soon," "oh,we would be good together," "of course he likes me." Those type of thoughts. They just don't shut up. I try to let go but thoughts along the lines of that trying to lure me back in keep at me in the money mind sort of way. WHY? It feels so uncontrollable.

Then,there's flow. I'll start to flow with a guy. It feels natural. There's a build-up,tension that feels good. You just naturally sort of know. The back and forth energy play doesn't FEEL bad at all. Then,boom,all of a sudden the flow stops and it feels AWFUL. And,I just can't get it back. It goes from seeming so easy,a natural easy flow to it feeling like nothing can get it like that,and it's just painful tension where it almost feels unpleasant to even hear from them because of the dread of it going cold again.

And,I remembered,back when I dated before and had more flow,I didn't know of the loa,and then later on was less versed in it. So,it was natural because there was no feeling like I had to think a certain way to keep things going. I had an inner knowing. The more aware of loa I became,the more exhausting and unnatural it became because who the heck wants to 1.)think certain thoughts to attract someone and 2.)Monitor thoughts so they don't go away. It's just not natural. And,so it's like I literally can't have flow,because I don't want to think thoughts to attract someone or keep them in my reality. It's just not fun. But,at the same time,it's happening all the time. You can't stop thinking.

So,I'm lost here. I tried to put it in words so it makes sense. But, yeah,i'm tired of these days having flow,then it all of a sudden stopping and things feeling like literally energetically painful and becoming so obsessive to the point where it's like I can't get the dang person out of my head. It's like they're imprinted on there in a way luring me to stay interested and keep hope.

My thought as I am writing this is,is the flow is what's natural. And,the flow stops when I "observe" things and become too aware of what's going on and start altering my behavior from that. The obsessive thoughts are thoughts of what is true,an inner guidance and that's why they won't go away,but they're not supposed to be obsessive,it's supposed to be just a quiet within knowing,but it's the blocking of the flow that's throwing everything off causing an energetic rift yet an inability to let go with ease. Back when I didn't know of loa then it was new,the thoughts could just flow,the inner knowing was easier,the painful tension could be waded through with more ease if it ever came up,and I don't think I ever had the obsessional type of thoughts i'm referring to in this post back then. I think it's like my intuition shuts off.I SHUT it off by trying to use loa in this regard. So,it's like how can I fix this if we are always thinking? The only thing i can think of in the moment is maybe don't intention manifest with love/dating matters because then maybe the flow will remain and the intuition can be heard? Though,im not sure even that's 100% the answer.