Originally Posted by
howdihi
So why do I, (a person has plenty of empathy) need all these hard lessons?
Your lesson isn't to learn empathy. My guess is that part of it is to learn how to filter your empathetic reactions. I'm extremely empathetic (I can feel your pain and what seems to be near panic, actually), but I've had to absolutely learn how to detach somewhat (or even completely). I was bleeding myself dry, psychically and emotionally.
So I'd say that would be one of your big lessons, and until you learn it, unfortunately, you keep being challenged on it. That's just the way it works.
As for being tired of being tested... been there, done that, too. The feeling of being tired is normal, but there's a danger of developing a bad attitude about it all (I know I sure did!). There's this tendency to feel victimised by it all, even if you don't say it out loud, you still feel it, and once you get into "what else can go wrong" mode or "why is this happening to me again" mode, it just spirals downward.
So as difficult as it is, you need to try to pull yourself up and work on positive thinking. You don't have to be happy about anything, but you need to just breathe and look at the things that you DO have to be happy about, little things, just find a few things every day to be grateful for. If you do this every day, I guarantee it will help your entire outlook.
Please know that I'm writing this with absolute compassion and from the perspective of "been there, done that, got the therapy". I'm not judging you or anything else of that sort. I'm just trying to offer some perspective from the POV of someone who has had to deal with some extremely harsh lessons and who is almost shockingly empathetic.
I do feel your pain and your weariness. I'm sending you love and positive energy, as well as to your mother. I hope you can feel it and that you benefit from it, as well as your mum.
Love and blessings.
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
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