A bear in the living room

[Korpo]

So Oliver- does your gf snore? *ducks*

She was not present, so - I guess not?

Oliver

[sono]

(What's happening, my first reply attempt has not been posted?) Anyway, here goes again - Thanks, Korpo for the blast of fresh air, I needed that, made me smile! I was brought up Buddhist, but in a very negative way, & in a very Catholic environment; a sense of deep self loathing was inculcated in me early on, probably in a misguided attempt to humble my "self" so I guess I have a lot of wrong perceptions to work through.. . . I don't "believe" the gnostic stuff any more either, but I realise it has conditioned me. My "thing" is that I really don't want to have to be in a body again after this one, so am obsessed with finding the "truth" & moving on.

[Korpo]

(What's happening, my first reply attempt has not been posted?) Anyway, here goes again - Thanks, Korpo for the blast of fresh air, I needed that, made me smile!

Phew! I was sitting here, a bit anxious I might have offended you, but this is how I feel about... that stuff!

I was brought up Buddhist, but in a very negative way, & in a very Catholic environment; a sense of deep self loathing was inculcated in me early on, probably in a misguided attempt to humble my "self" so I guess I have a lot of wrong perceptions to work through...

That's how I started into awareness meditation, and I got into a spiral of "Oh, I was not aware, oh no, not again" and it was making my days miserable. It is the feeling of "I'm not conforming to the ideal, I must try harder". The irony is: Pushing and forcing leads nowhere. Feeling guilty removes you further from being present here and now. But I know how you came to the same conclusions - at least a bit.

This is in a way sad, because it achieves the opposite of what is intended - instead of enjoying the moments you are actually aware you chastise yourself for the moments where you are not. But the power to be aware grows oh so slowly, and chastising yourself is - well - unnecessary. And avoid the next trap - chastising yourself for chastising. Yes, the ego can be a devious little bugger.

I don't "believe" the gnostic stuff any more either, but I realise it has conditioned me. My "thing" is that I really don't want to have to be in a body again after this one, so am obsessed with finding the "truth" & moving on.

sono, perhaps you might find that it is easier to find joy in being in a body and expanding on that and through that finding the truth, instead of transposing "the truth" into the future, a bodiless state, or whatever. Learning to be alive, human, compassionate and enjoying it in peace, that's my goal. It sounds a lot less mystical than "enlightenment" or "breaking the cycle of incarnation". Just being, calmly, relaxed and in peace. That's what I strive for.

Oliver

[sono]

I actually know you're right, & I do agree in my more lucid moments.. when I was little , sometimes I used to just gaze at my hands in awe. I shouldn't (here I go again) be so blase about being in a body, it is an amazing machine!

[Korpo]

I actually know you're right, & I do agree in my more lucid moments.. when I was little , sometimes I used to just gaze at my hands in awe. I shouldn't (here I go again) be so blase about being in a body, it is an amazing machine!

It's more than that. After I started reviving my body from the blockages more and more often I got the feeling of "Hey, I enjoy being in a body". It is a good thing, and only the start.

So, sono, what negative thoughts can we exorcise from you as well, today?

Just tell. No blame attached. Guilt not allowed. Seems like you have quite some ideas to speak out - maybe they lose a bit of their then if you really see them written out.

You actually made me quite curious.

Oliver

[sono]

O dear! Now I feel I'm indulging the ego You'll see you have unleased a monster ! BUT: How about excorcising the notion that my life is a result of some misdeed - that I shouldn't have had to come back again if it weren't for that wrong attitude or action? Most likely a result of my sharp tongue & nasty temper; plus the temptation to use some sort of magic to control outer circumstances, instead of being impervious to them?
I shall subside now (until tomorrow)

Go well & thanks!

Noelle

[Korpo]

Hey, Noelle.

I started to think different about my life, how about you might as well:

Maybe your heightened awareness of your life's circumstances is your lucky chance to "make it" in this life.

I was born with an "itch" I cannot possibly scratch. An urge. It is always there, a simmering discontent. Something that drives me. Before I knew meditation it made me restless. Now it has become the fuel for doing my energy work every day, for going on, for releasing what's binding me.

Over time I came to believe that the itch that at first made me miserable is a chance to scratch beyond the surface, to know what is beyond our day-to-day lives and what I am here for. Would I have asked for answers if I were content?

Maybe you feel it to. It can feel like being out of phase with everything and everyone. Not belonging. My existence felt often like a drag, lacking the goals others had, lacking drive.

Now that I found the something I was looking for I start belonging to myself. Everything feels better, I have a feeling of progress and doing the right thing. That is important.

10 years ago I felt miserable and out of control. Now I feel those times taught me sth.

Perhaps you can find a similar feeling for yourself and about your life, too? I have not much experience about this, but my perception seems to be that spiritual people tend to be torn until they find at least their way to go for things. And then change becomes their life blood.

Be well,
Oliver