hi, it is me again. thank you again for all your responses - there was a lot of food for thought. i have also recieved some healing help from another forum and am feeling somehow a bit better. the feeling in the throat has subsided, maybe also because i did not allow myself to think the frustrating thoughts, about my inability to strat new live, etc.
these few days i have continued to do energy work, reading the materails on the forum (amasing, fascinating - so much info!) and continuing meditations. yesterday night i had some spontaneous OBE experiences, i felt like i have been pushed out of my body and it was scary and i did not want to experiement. then i have also felt that someone was touching the midle of my head and saying something that i could not really understand because i was so sleepy. i thought it was my partner but when i managed to turn and look, he was fast asleep... i do not know whose presence it was.
i also wanted to ask whether there is someone who could have a look at me from the distance and see if i am also plagured by some negs... it is just i had incredibly bad manic episodes during my depression, horrible agresssion against myself (do not want to go into details) and against my loved one. i am in a huge pain when i think of what was happening and how much destruction i have done. still, i cannot tell that i was loosing conciense, no - unfortunately i have been realising what was going on but was not able (or willing!?!) to resist the pain and agression. reading more about energy things i start to think that it might be energy beings dealing with which beyond the realm of antidepressants?
before all this hell started - something like a year and a half ago - i have been in the best condition ever. i had a major crisis three years ago and then could pull myself out due to the Course in Miracles and concentration on love. my live went upwards and for almost a year i felt connected to the Source, but soon i felt in love and the conflicts at work started - and then the hell broke loose, and i am where i am now.
regarding the help to others - i find it extremely hard to communicate with people, at all. i went to the day clinik this week and i found it extremely hard to be in the presence of strangers... let alone to speak to them... i used to be able to speak to strangers, i have been hitchiking for years, travelling a lot, enjoying human contacts. i had also some limited experiences with hand healing, and a long time ago a stranger in the undeground told me that i have to find a way to deal with my energy or else i start "eating myself". that is what is happening, i am afraid.
CFTraveller, maybe i am in a wrong theme, i start to think that maybe i should have rather posted in the request for healing forum?
thank you again - and will be grateful if you could continue guiding me for a bit...
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Originally Posted by lilao
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