URGENT help needed PLEASE

[lilao]

Please kindly help me! i am new to the forum and energy work and i might not be entitled to asking for help, but i really do need... i feel catastrophically bad, i have attacks of agression against myself and the one i love. he left yesterday because he cannot anymore be with me - i am like possessed, i cannot open up for him and i feel the whole world is against me. i have been in this condition one YEAR! now i am really hopeless, becuae despite all promises to my beloved i cannot change the attacks, they come and then i feel nothing but pain. can it be negatives???

could anyone PLEASE try to help me! i do not imagine how and why should i live without him, but it is ONLY MY FAULT that he goes away. i love him but i have no energy and hope to fight against myself. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try to help me i know there are healers that have power, please help!!!

[lilao]

and before you ask - i am on medication, i am going to clinik, i have been using a lot of self-help methods, and meditations, oyu name it - but there is seem to be something beyond my power. maybe i have really under attack of negatives or something? the pain takes hold of me and i no longer know what to do. it has been bad for a long time but it is extremely BAD NOW!

[CFTraveler]

Before last year, did you have any of this type of aggressive behavior? Is this alternating with periods of depression?
If this is a long-standing thing, introspection (as you have described) can be beneficial, even though it may be painful to start.
If this just started happening a year ago, I would ask you to share with us, if it's ok with you, did you start any type of new discipline, or met someone new, or did something new?
I recommend salt baths, and see if you feel any better. There are other countermeasures you can have, like moving water- have you done the 'hose test' to see if you see a change in the way you feel?
The hose test (crossing moving water) should be in the PSD section of the website. (Under countermeasures).
Even if you do decide that you are being overshadowed, please do not stop going to the clinic or taking your meds. These measures should be done in addition to whatever therapies your health care practicioners advise.

[CFTraveler]

Meanwhile, I will send a prayer your way.

[lilao]

dear CFTraveler, thank you so much for the prayer. my freund was here last few hours and he said he will re-think everything and maybe come back. but I have to CHANGE urgently, not a single person would endure what he has to endure with me...

it started to happen a year ago, but i had NOT started any practice then. Quite to contrary, I stopped all my practices - prior to this i was a devotee of the COurse in Miracles and did a lot of self-clearing with Pilot book (scientology).

it all started as i allowed the fear of the future to be a constant component of my existence. and then my boyfriend become for me more important than anything, even more than connection to the God, and that what broke me. I have even difficulty to pray!

I started the meditations half a year ago, but the accidents started BEFORE my new regular meditation practice. still after meditations i have very crasy dreams and lately felt someone in a bed with me... it was weird...

i will not stop to the doctors - but my one year experiences were frustrating, no help from different changing antidepressants, either.
and i did tons of retrospection with the analyst and by myself - i know the reasons for my sickness but it helps no further.

At the same time, i am very sensitive to different energies and pains - i have read something about the "pain body" but did not ifnd any comprehensive staff on it.

i also tried several techniques described here - to find an inner healer, or Higher me or some spiritual guides - without any success.

i feel that I have ONLY pain body and nothing else... will chek the psd section (have no bath to try salts)...

thank you again. am pretty desperate at the moment.

[lilao]

i also feel - and my boyfriend feels that too - that i am taking his life force and energy from him. can i be a vampire???? is something else feeding off me??? because i feel no energy at all, i have no strength, for a year... and there is always something telling me repeatedly "I dont want to live.-- i dont want to live... i dont want to live" but I do want to live and be happy!

[star]

You didn't return my PM, but I'll start anyway. I'll just hope that your Higher Self gives me permission to do what I can do.


James

[star]

i also feel - and my boyfriend feels that too - that i am taking his life force and energy from him. can i be a vampire???? is something else feeding off me??? because i feel no energy at all, i have no strength, for a year... and there is always something telling me repeatedly "I dont want to live.-- i dont want to live... i dont want to live" but I do want to live and be happy!

That makes sense, your in a relationship where you depend heavily on your boyfriend. Its expressed with energy too. Since you feel so down your feeding off him. No big deal, I'll tell you what else, you can feel better when your supporting yourself.

James

[star]

dear CFTraveler, thank you so much for the prayer. my freund was here last few hours and he said he will re-think everything and maybe come back. but I have to CHANGE urgently, not a single person would endure what he has to endure with me...

it started to happen a year ago, but i had NOT started any practice then. Quite to contrary, I stopped all my practices - prior to this i was a devotee of the COurse in Miracles and did a lot of self-clearing with Pilot book (scientology).

it all started as i allowed the fear of the future to be a constant component of my existence. and then my boyfriend become for me more important than anything, even more than connection to the God, and that what broke me. I have even difficulty to pray!

I started the meditations half a year ago, but the accidents started BEFORE my new regular meditation practice. still after meditations i have very crasy dreams and lately felt someone in a bed with me... it was weird...

i will not stop to the doctors - but my one year experiences were frustrating, no help from different changing antidepressants, either.
and i did tons of retrospection with the analyst and by myself - i know the reasons for my sickness but it helps no further.

At the same time, i am very sensitive to different energies and pains - i have read something about the "pain body" but did not ifnd any comprehensive staff on it.

i also tried several techniques described here - to find an inner healer, or Higher me or some spiritual guides - without any success.

i feel that I have ONLY pain body and nothing else... will chek the psd section (have no bath to try salts)...

thank you again. am pretty desperate at the moment.

it sounds like I'm trying to be upsetting ,but really I'm just trying to help.
People can help, but when you turn to looking outside yourself for help, then rely too heavily on outside factors things break down.
You probably know what you need. Think about what scares you the most right now, and what you would have to do to fix it.

[CFTraveler]

dear CFTraveler, thank you so much for the prayer. my freund was here last few hours and he said he will re-think everything and maybe come back. but I have to CHANGE urgently, not a single person would endure what he has to endure with me...

Remember that we're all here to teach each other. He may be teaching you about independence. Or you may be teaching him about forgiveness.

it started to happen a year ago, but i had NOT started any practice then. Quite to contrary, I stopped all my practices - prior to this i was a devotee of the COurse in Miracles and did a lot of self-clearing with Pilot book (scientology).

Well, I don't know enough about scientology to have any opinions, but I am familiar with ACIM (not a devotee-I believe my higher self directs me at what to believe and what not to) One thing that you should tell yourself that the fear of the future is representing something else- perhaps you don't want to repeat a previous negative experience, (fear of abandonment?) But by giving in (I'm sorry if I sound harsh, don't know how else to say it) to this behaviour you are causing what you fear. Have you considered that you are trying to test your bf to see what he'll put up with? Think of this and realize that at some point or another he'll fail that test.
Of course, I'm making a lot of assumptions with this statement, so forgive me if I'm wrong about any of this.

it all started as i allowed the fear of the future to be a constant component of my existence. and then my boyfriend become for me more important than anything, even more than connection to the God, and that what broke me. I have even difficulty to pray!

If you remember in ACIM there is such thing as a holy union, in which your relationship with someone else is beneficial to cement your connection with God. By separating your idea of your boyfriend from God you are denying the central ideas in ACIM- That God is the ony reality and our relationship with your bf cannot be anything else but an earthly expression of your relationship with God. As you know, God loves you unconditionally, so you don't have to think that your relationship is something separate from this. This is unneccesary guilt and is doing nothing for your understanding of this reality.

I started the meditations half a year ago, but the accidents started BEFORE my new regular meditation practice. still after meditations i have very crasy dreams and lately felt someone in a bed with me... it was weird...

The 'feeling someone' in bed with you doesn't have to be a scary thing. When you separate but don't transfer your consciousness to your energy body, you can be perceiving your energy body as separate from you, but what you may be feeling is yourself. This could also be from dream memories of your previous relationships (if there are those). In other words, in the world of the in-between sleeping and waking, reality is very different, and doesn't have to be a bad symptom. Just scary if you don't know what you're experiencing.

i will not stop to the doctors - but my one year experiences were frustrating, no help from different changing antidepressants, either.
and i did tons of retrospection with the analyst and by myself - i know the reasons for my sickness but it helps no further.

I think if you do a lot of self-forgiveness you will find that in the long run you will find that knowing the source of your problems will be helpful. Just please give yourself some time.

At the same time, i am very sensitive to different energies and pains - i have read something about the "pain body" but did not ifnd any comprehensive staff on it.

Have you read 'The Power of Now?'

i also tried several techniques described here - to find an inner healer, or Higher me or some spiritual guides - without any success.

i feel that I have ONLY pain body and nothing else... will chek the psd section (have no bath to try salts)...

You mean no bathtub? I use salt showers.

thank you again. am pretty desperate at the moment.

I will continue to pray for you.