I never posted about this, because I think it may be personal, but this would be a good time to do it.

This is relevent for later: Before, I used to dream about medeval armies trying to enter a cave forcefully, they would all get slaughterd. In the last dream, a native guide brought a general and his army to a hidden jungle cave. "No amount of helpless men can penitrate this cave general." They were killed, I fought also this time, but had to run. On waking I realised that this cave was the unknown within me, and that I cannot enter it willfully, so I started letting go of my will.

The army dreams stopped, but then I had more cave dreams. This time they were caves covered in ice, or ice growing in them, and I still was desiring to enter it. Along the same theme, I had dreams of walking through a snowy field at night, all alone, trying to get somewhere.

Long dream short: me and my dad were looking for giant letters hidden in the terrain around where I grew up. suddenly the dream went from a sunny morning, to a snowing night in a few minutes, we called off the hunt. As we were driving off the sun came back again, but the land had totally changed, it was now a craigy place with rediculous cliffs. There were tree's clinging to the cliffs for dear life, they looked ok at the moment but I said; "Soon they will all die," I blamed 'the children' for the soil erosion and the tree's living conditions.
We drove past a huge cave in one of the cliffs (300ft mouth). It was really impressive, there was a wall of ice or a glacier sliding down over the mouth of the cave like a garage door. The cave wasnt totally sealed off, there was still enough space for a person to get inside, but 95% of the entrance was blocked by thick ice.

I am very concerned about this dream. If I cannot enter the cave, then my journey has stopped. Darkness (the snowy night theme) is something that blocks me from seeing. Snow and ice is frozen water, water usually means emotion. The cave is the unknown mystery and wisdom within.

What confuses me about this is, it is saying I need to embrace emotions. But... what I have seen from emotions is all bad, causing nothing but trouble in those around me. they all seem to lower you, either to the plane of normal humans, or lower (like with hate, jealosy, greed etc). My practice also says that human desires are bad. So why such insistance to be tossed around in emotions?

My only thought is that it is telling me to go back to what I used to be like. I used to deal in what I can only describe as 'higher emotions'. I wont go into the details but it is like a language without words that can describe anything in an instant. My first contact with it was when I was 17ish and some being told me about the universe as I was walking to school, years of information in an instant. It has caused me all kinds of super intense, random experiences as a byproduct; once I was in the entire northern hemisphere. I became so buisy with work and ordinary life that I neglected to explore it more. I wasnt so sure of it's use either, it held a lot of power, and the things I learned from it could not be formed into words or thoughts, it couldnt even be stored in the human brain, there is (almost) no way of remembering what I had learned. I am not interested in powers, I have enough trouble with myself as it is. But.. perhaps its not about what you know, perhaps it is only about entering deeper dimensions, through this could someone who knows nothing about the universe become a god? Hmm.. kinda makes sense now that I wrote it all down. Still, I would like to hear thoughts.