OW, I can relate and I think Alex's advice is really interesting and valid. It seems to me that however much you rise above a largely unhappy childhood, the cracks always appear again eventually, usually at critical moments where you feel threatened or hopeless by newer events. There is no greater gift you can give a person than the confidence that comes of a loving, well-directed childhood but it's a gift that a parent can only give if he'she has achieved a certain level of awareness.

Jman recently gave me a bit of advice about all the crap that resurfaces during trying events,

But remember one thing - all those things that come up are not connected except by the frustration & upset. You shouldn't do an A=A on them - they are separate events & they don't actually add up.
For me, that was excellent advice because I tend to turn the events of my life into a continuous narrative (along the lines of what a loser I am) when, in fact, each event is separate and often distorted by memory and emotion (at least in my case).

What I find, also, is that there's always some act of grace when you are most in need, like seeing the whales frolicking, the warmth of a friend's words or a beautiful act of gratitude that cauterises a wound. Even losing yourself temporarily in the right book or a good comedy gives temporary relief. As for the recurring patterns though, I think I'd follow Alex's advice.