Serious Help

[rapidlearner]

I haven't joined any organisations to be honest. I think because I always tell myself that its the last time and I don't feel the need to encounter a problem that isn't currently there. Its a strange condition as its not like a yearning addiction like drugs. Its an impulsive reaction on the spare of the moment (only on a regular basis.)

What positives not in a good way? I'm not sure I understand the question. For me positive = good. I suppose the main positives than can occur is being financially better off than when walking in to the betting shop. Egotistically...Hmmm... I don't know, maybe its control. Control that I outwitted the bookie. Control that win or lose its my responsibility. Control that I can escape reality and lose sense of time and physical world responsibilities. Maybe its massaging my dreams ego, where I have a scenario of what I would do with a certain amount of money if I won it. I'm not sure.

The real pay off is that it creates a mess in the real world.

Aaaahhh... This is frustrating me because I know how stupid I've been. Wreckless is a better word.

[CFTraveler]

I think you answered the question yourself.
Not positive but 'feels like you get something out of it'.
Control as something you think you will get but actually control you lose willingly. After all it is liberating to get so low that you have nothing else to lose. That seems to be the payoff. So I guess you need to address that, in your own way, or in a way that doesn't destroy you and those you love.
Btw, you're not being stupid, you're being human. We all do stuff that is not good for us- it's just that the drive to do so is stronger in some people than others.
I hope you can get the help you need. And I do urge you to get help- not because you need help, but because you need support, and a GA (or whatever they're called) group will give you that support.
God Bless, hon, we're all there in some way.

[Mystikal]

I have no real training or experience with this sort of thing, so I may be completely off-base, but here are my thoughts.

It seems to me that personal problems - illnesses, in a way - produce symptoms to call your attention to them. Fixing the problem will remove the symptoms; however, for various reasons, people often hide the problem and suppress the symptoms. This may seem to work for a time, but the problem won't stay benignly removed. It will remanifest itself with different symptoms, symptoms which can be even harder to fix as they have no obvious connection to the now-hidden problem.

I don't think gambling is your problem. You've recognized the gambling. You dislike it, you want it gone. If gambling were the source of the problem, you would no longer have any desire for it. Yet you find yourself still wanting to gamble, and still gambling. This indicates to me that your problems have some other source - something which you have not recognized yet, something that may be forgotten, or perhaps something you do not want to recognize.

How to find the source of the problem is something I do not know, but I may know things which could lead you to it.

Gambling is not evil. Believing that gambling is evil will not help you. The compulsion to gamble is simply a message from the problem deeper within yourself. If you do manage to suppress the compulsion somehow, you may find only momentary relief, quickly followed by the appearance of a new, perhaps more destructive, and seemingly unrelated compulsion or other symptom.

What you must do is listen to the compulsion you have now. Perhaps meditate and try to evoke that feeling, try to understand it while not being overwhelmed or controlled by it. Perhaps even set aside a certain amount of money for gambling, and gamble regularly with it, so you can allow this feeling to express itself in a safer, more controlled, and less destructive way.

(Trying your best to not gamble at all has, so far, merely kept you in a cycle of can't gamble / must gamble. Getting out of such a cycle isn't as simple as "apply more willpower!" - you can't fight yourself with willpower, as you have exactly as much willpower as yourself. Try something else.)

May you understand, and solve this to your satisfaction, in time.

[Korpo]

I wholeheartedly agree with Mystikal.

BTW, just from your reply to CF I think you have a problem with an over-analysing mind. Like "Oh no, what does this word mean", "Oh no, this has a different meaning, let's argue of the meaning of <thing beside the actual point>". Your ego personality gets you to pursue such trivialities and makes you miss the point.

Don't analyse things as much. I know from your posting history that you always dwell on the meaning of words, on trying to be right, or trying to think through things. Same is the obsession with willpower and trying to be in control - it is the attempt of the ego mind trying to overpower your inner world. And that doesn't even work very much, does it?

Do you feel free in the moment when you submit yourself to Lady Luck? Out of control, not in charge, the outcome not determined by anything you could do? Does the winning feel especially good because it came "for free", without having had responsibilities, hard work, more effort? Does the losing not feel as bad because something outside yourself determines the outcome? Does gaming take you outside your own little world?

If gambling gives the feeling of letting go, of being free or just a high only you can know. The first step in real life is: Observe, observe, observe. How do you feel when you gamble? What are your emotions? How do you feel? What sensations arise in your body? Try to observe yourself, try to recognise what drives you - by *feeling* it when it happens. Don't analyse. Train for presence. Be present to your experience.

Over time this might help identify what actually drives your gambling problem and allow you to work on it instead. Over time this might help you identify the little point in your inner world that is touched before things get out of hand, where you can still decide whether to gamble or not, and then you can work with that and make true choices about it. You can work on obtaining true freedom then.

All of this must be felt - in real life and in meditation. Thinking goes in circles. Thinking that you know is not knowing. Real knowing has an entirely different quality to it. It feels finished. You don't scratch that itch again. You don't come back over and over again. You don't rethink it in two to three weeks again. Real knowing comes from experiencing and feeling your inner world, resolving what numbs you and understanding from a deeper level of mind, not from habitually thinking about it. In regards to your inner world, thinking is not the answer. You have to experience it to the fullest in order to allow to let it go and be free.

Take good care,
Oliver

[rapidlearner]

First and foremost, thanks for putting in the thought and effort to your replies. I really appreciate the advice.

[rapidlearner]

Hi Just thought I'd give an update as promised...

It has been difficult to break the habbit. Again, for anyone thats not convinced about the addictiveness of gambling... its like being really thirsty, having an ice cold glass of water in front of you and trying not to drink it. Gambling plays on your mind and is always there lurking in the background until you give in to it. And sometimes, just sometimes, it rewards you for listening.

Anyway, for the last 3-4 weeks I've been commited to an exercise regeime and its made a world of difference. I do still think about gambling everyday but it consumes a lot less mind capacity than it used to. It seems to be fading into the background and dieing a slow death. So I'm exercising hard and eating well and I feel very good about myself. The endorphines are definately rampent and it fills better than any big win I've ever had. The funny thing about this feeling is that its kind of time released, where I feel good for most of the day. Whereas, when I was in gambling mode, I may have a little shot of adrenaline for 2 minutes and then spend the rest of the day on a real downer.

I know its a common piece of advice that is easy to come accross but I would say to anyone that doesn't do it already to get an excercise regeime together, stick to it and it will work miracles for any kind of depression or self esteem issues.

Like I said, gambling is still there lurking in the background and Im not sure it will ever go but I have a lot more control and strength and hold over it than it does over me.

Will continue to keep you updated.

[ButterflyWoman]

Good on you! Sounds like you're doing well. Thank you for the update.

[rapidlearner]

Update time

[ButterflyWoman]

Hmmm... I've fallen off the wagon a few times. The thing is, when I do fall off the wagon, its normally quite a big spree and as usual I dont stop until I've lost everything, even if Im up. Again, I've noticed that I gamble when I feel in a good mood or an invincible mindset. I seem to get the idea that I 'today' I definately have the control to quit when im up as 80% of the time I gamble I will be 'up' at some point.

Hmmm. Have you considered that you might be experiencing manic (or hypomanic) states? The behaviour you describe sounds very like what happens with mania (not all manics gamble; some just go on shopping sprees or similar overspending).

I mean, it may not be an issue, but it's worth considering, anyway.

[chipster]

These types of problems are always the worst. You control it but really you don't. Knowing you have a problem is definatly your first step in the direction of healing but you need to think of it like a disease or really bad habit like smoking. It's not easy to quit but you just have to take it one day at a time.