Re: Please help me. Really need help...confused.
I understand 100% about the connection you can have to someone via the net. I met my husband on the net, actually, when we were on opposite sides of the planet. Neither of us was looking for romance, certainly, but we became friends and it blossomed from there. We met in the early-mid 90s, long before net relationships were widely known and when they were even less understood...
We had a spectacular bond. He's one of the most non-intuitive people you're likely to meet, but it was strong enough that even HE could feel it, was aware of it. Had we severed our relationship, it would have been beyond excruciating. So I understand the situation you're in.
Sorry to talk about myself, but I wanted to establish that I really do "get it" in a tangible way.
Okay. Long distance relationships are HARD. Even when you love the person, it's super difficult to maintain. So there is that. The other thing is... okay, maybe this is just me thinking weird thoughts, but have you considered that your girlfriend (for lack of a better term) might be a sex addict? Or that she might suffer from significant self esteem issues that she can temporarily ease by "being found attractive" by men?
I also saw a red flag with the way she broke up with you and the beastly way she treated you. It makes me think that she feels she doesn't "deserve" to be loved. The fact that she broke up with you right when it was going to get serious is a big hint, and the rage she lavished on you is something that people who hate themselves will do to other people. It's twisted, I know, but it's a very common and recognisable pattern, unfortunately. (I know about this first hand, too; I won't give details, but I really understand the behaviour pattern.)
I suspect very strongly that she has big self esteem and commitment issues and she doesn't know how to deal with them. She seems to particularly have problems accepting that someone actually loves her. You'd think that someone who feels unloved would welcome love, but when you feel that way inside, you feel like you're deceiving the other person, that when they find out how awful you "really are", they'll leave you, anyway...
As for what to do... I don't know. Trust your instinct, I would say, and decide that if you want to continue a relationship with her, it's going to be a very painful ride until and unless she addresses her issues.
I can say that until she wants to heal, she won't, and she'll make herself and you miserable indefinitely. That's a miserable prognosis, but from everything I've seen and experienced and lived, it's pretty much the size of it.
I will pray for you. I'm already sending you healing and love as I write this.
Oh... I definitely absolutely recommend going through a ritual to cut the ties. I know it sounds extreme, but you can always re-establish a bond if it's meant to be there. In the meantime, you're going to be in pain. Clamping off and cutting the bond(s) will help, believe me.
May the light surround you, may you be blessed. May the light surround us, may we be blessed. May love and light surround us all, and may we all be healed and blessed. And so it is, and so it shall be, now and ever after.
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