Negativity :-(

[Genevieve]

Hi folks,

I'm new on here, found the site tonight and was wondering if anyone would help me?

I went to see a medium today by recommendation of a spiritualist friend of mine, he was very helpful to me but warned me that I was extremely negative and that I must change my ways. I have always had extremely low self confidence despite being attractive and talented. He said that he could see notihng bad for me except myself! He saw my friend for a reading afterwards and said "was that your friend in before your?" "you must not be like her she is extremely negative" I didn't take offence to this as I understand what he means, he even asked me to go back and see him for free in a fortnight and he would help me more, he was an amazing man he knew so much about me physically etc, it was amazing I am just worried about the negativity and more to the point what to do about it, I mean, its easy to say stop being negative but how do you actually do it? Somebody at the fair said for me to take salt water baths? Any help would be extremely welcome..
Thanks for reading x

[Tom]

It is a matter of energy, yes, but primarily being negative is a set of bad habits. If you want to change your habits, the first step is to identify the ones you want to stop. This will make it something you can watch for and measure. It is also useful to have another list of ways you want to react instead that are more positive. It would be a bit challenging to give more specific advice without knowing which negative habits it is that you are trying to stop doing.

[ButterflyWoman]

It's mostly a matter of habit. You learned or were taught that the easiest or at least the expected way of viewing the world and dealing with it is to adopt a bleak outlook or expect the worst and so on. I know this one VERY well. I've been working at this for many years and I still have habits of negative thought that I'm trying to uproot!

It can be undone and changed, you just have to be vigilant. When you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself or about your situation, you STOP, and you rephrase it. It's always possible to frame something so that it's neutral or even positive. Instead of, "Oh, damn, it's raining!" you consider that the rain is good for crops and gardens. That's a very simplistic example, but that's basically what it is. Even thoughts like, "Oh, I'm always a day late and a dollar short," or "I never have good luck with this," need to be changes.

Step one is to become aware of the negative thoughts and attitudes. Step two is to acknowledge them, that is, to understand you have them and what they are. Step three is to reshape the thought/attitude to something more positively framed, or get rid of it entirely and replace it with something positive.

It's just like weeding a garden, really. When you spot a weed, pull it out.

[Genevieve]

Thanks for the replies Tom and Olderwiser, Yes my habits would be thinking negatively about myself, putting myself down, I was thinking before that being negative is almost (if I am honest) safe and well, comfortable, the clairvoyant was almost suggesting that I get a satifaction from being negative and seemed quite angry..I kind of identified with this in a way..at the end of the day just brings misery no matter how comfortable it is, a bit like over eating or smoking - feels good at the time but bad for you and negative...
To be honest my feeling towards myself is that I just don't want to be 'me' I always wished I was someone else, anyone but me, I just don't like myself and costantly beat myself up for any little weakness, yet I see people in this world alot more wicked than me who are perfectly content.
Also I am incredibly sensitive and just find I generally dislike most people cos I see weaknesses in them and feel people are always trying to make me out as weak and that they are confident..I just tend to withdraw from people to be honest..does any of this make any sense?

[Genevieve]

Olderwiser,

Yes that is a good point about identifying, I know my faults inside out just so hard to fix them as you say...

If I could have one wish it would be confidence and self assurity, alot of people I think would pick physical features or money etc but you can't put a price on being a sorted human being..kinda made me laugh though that the medium was so shocked by me that he was giving out to my friend in her reading too! I must be a bad case! I know I am really.

[ButterflyWoman]

It's not the faults. Everyone has those. It's the way you think about them, and the things you believe about them. It's all about attitude.

For example, just thinking of yourself as being flawed is negative. You're not flawed, you're a normal human being. It's just habits of thought, patterns of behaviour, etc., and all of that can be changed. You can think differently, you can change your beliefs, you can alter your patterns and habits.

[Tom]

What I mean to say is that "negativity" is a little vague. If you snap at people in the morning before you've had your first cup of coffee, that is something you can work on.

[Genevieve]

It's not the faults. Everyone has those. It's the way you think about them, and the things you believe about them. It's all about attitude.

For example, just thinking of yourself as being flawed is negative. You're not flawed, you're a normal human being. It's just habits of thought, patterns of behaviour, etc., and all of that can be changed. You can think differently, you can change your beliefs, you can alter your patterns and habits.

Yeah i know what you mean there, as I said i see alot of people who are flawed and yet they have perfectly relaxed attitudes to things, i have a friend for example who is quite a selfish kind of person, quite a few people really dislike her (and she doesn't care!) she treats her boyfriend badly and always sees her faults as others problems not hers, though I think this is a bad attitude, I would kill to feel that relaxed and have no conscience like that for one day. I just feel like a mouse sometimes.

[Genevieve]

My dads another one he always tells white lies to my mum and I mean white ones, just petty stuff, I found myself telling a white lie the other day and i felt completely ridiculous or the rest of the day, I felt like a silly child, but I am sure others do it..

[ButterflyWoman]

This was just posted on an excellent blog I follow:

Change your thoughts and change your life – The Art of Cognitive Reframing

http://www.urbanmonk.net/258/change-you ... reframing/

Thought it might be of interest.