I realize this, it's that every time I ask for it I think I'm ready to deal with it and it always surprises me. I think I've thought of everything and the awareness reminds me that I'm not even started. It is quite amazing.CF,
Fear creeping up during a Kundalini process you ask for for example is not a sign of "that you cannot handle it." Instead it is a sign that the process works into the deeper layers of you, confronting your "less conscious layers".
I do, which is why this process is so bittersweet. For example, for the past few days I've been emotionally vulnerable, and in a 'mind fog' that truly surprised me. The mind fog is lifting, these new insights about myself (that just cropped up) are something new that I didn't realize. Now, I get it- at the time, it was surprising in many levels.You cannot expect to shine a light of awareness unto something and not experience it. You have to come to terms with it somehow. You can ask for a different speed of progress and you can experiment with what you think you can handle, and the speed will determine impact and intensity. You actually get what you ask for.
By handling it, I mean being able to live in the 'everyday world' while processing all that came up, some completely surprising. Plus I've had a headache ever since that hasn't yet lifted.
But that's ok, it'll pass.
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