My Higher Self being an A-hole??

[Sparkwielder]

OK, two days ago I have this dream that seems to have no plot, but it looks like the symbols are what's important. These are hard for me to remember, and I forgot a lot of this one, but three things really stand out that I remembered.

First, I saw a mink (live animal) in a cage, obviously someones pet. The thing that really stands out is the detail. It was dark brown, but slightly lighter around the eyes. I have never seen a real mink, and maybe only saw a picture once in my life, but when I went to Wikkipedia to look up mink, the photo there looked exactly like what I saw in the dream! So to have a dream vision this accurate must mean that this symbol is very important.

Then I see a clear stream, and there is this huge fish in it. It had to be 4 or more feet in length! It was a very bright shiney silver color, with large scales.

OK, here is the really wierd, disturbing part. After I saw the fish, I heard this dream voice (disembodied audio) that kept repeating "You are not going to survive this" over and over again. I woke up angry, and replied to the voice "survive what? Am I going to die tomorrow? In 2012? Ten years from now? Who cares!"

So my questions up to this point is why did my dream suddenly go from symbolism to this looping audio?
I thought that the higher self could only communicate through symbolism in dreams so where did the voice come from?
Could it have come from something other than my higher self?
It really doesn't fit the M.O. of my higher self to be so cold and callous about my physical death! And if my higher self can communicate with plain language like that, why not just blurt out the whole message, instead of hybridizing the communication with symbols first, then plain language? There is something fishy here!

That's not the end of the story though. Last night, before going to bed, I asked for clarification of the dream and message while visualising the mink and the fish as I saw it, hoping to upload a clear message to my higher self. I asked for more dreams to help me understand the last one. I also let it know that I was disturbed at the lack of compassion behind that message.

At 2:00 AM, I was suddenly awakened by what felt like a high voltage electric shock! Now I was really upset! Why is my higher self being so abusive after I am trynig so hard to understand it's messages, now it's trying to electrocute me! Then I started in with all kinds of negative thinking that made me get too hot, and kept me up for another hour. After I decided that I have had enough, I was going to put on some soothing music, but I heard my cat mew, and for some reason, that influenced me to just clear my head, and just let the negativity die from lack of food, which it did. It just simply fell away. It even seemed like I touched the cosmic void slightly, before falling asleep again. Meditation - great stuff!

Then I dreamed that someone was outside in the dark, looking through my windows and stalking me. I called the police, and they sent "live in detectives" to to help me find, and arrest him.

Somewhere, I met this juvenile delinquent teenage girl. I knew that she could somehow help me catch the stalker, and I wanted to help her. I also knew that if I wasn't careful, and turned my back to her, that she could harm me. I suddenly discovered that my little house became much bigger now. I had multiple stories, and a fully furnished basement apartment. I knew that she wouldn't harm me if I let her stay in the basement because she would have everything she needs down there and she would help me solve the case. Dream logic - go figure!

Does anyone reading this see anything in the second dream that helps clarify the first dream? Can any of you "dream Detectives" help me solve this puzzling case, and help me see if/how the pieces of this puzzle fit together?

[Korpo]

What makes you think everything that happened came from the same source? I mean, the audio loop seems to have intruded on your dream. Same goes for the "shock". This seems more like disturbance than Higher Self communication.

I had several dreams where I communicated with others - two where I talked with my wife while dreaming, one where someone tried to communicate with me in the dream (not benign). I also have communicated between dream, wake and sleep - in that in-between - and most of the time I cannot remember. But again, with mixed results - once it was my mother, other time others I don't know, and once it was this angry voice.

So, I would not directly connect this voice with the dream necessarily.

As for the dream symbols - your basement is usually your lower self, or the lower aspects of your self, sometimes the subconscious. To let a known delinquent "move in" there who you wouldn't trust to turn your back to doesn't seem very wise. Sounds like asking permission to me.

I usually don't go down this route of thought, but when you get
* repetitive thought / audio loop of seemingly upsetting content,
* a shock that awoke you,
* a dream where it seems like someone you don't really trust offers you a deal and asks permission,
then I would look at least into some cord-cutting and shielding.

Take care,
Oliver

[ButterflyWoman]

I agree with Korpo on the shielding and tie-cutting. My intuition here is that this is not your higher self (why would you even assume that your own higher self, your godself, as it were, would abuse you?).

[Sparkwielder]

As for the dream symbols - your basement is usually your lower self, or the lower aspects of your self, sometimes the subconscious. To let a known delinquent "move in" there who you wouldn't trust to turn your back to doesn't seem very wise. Sounds like asking permission to me.

I wish that I could be as intelligent, rational, and lucid in my dreams as I am in waking life, as you people apparently are!
I am a total retard in most of my dreams, as my rational mind seems to asleep at the switch so to speak
I would never do that in real life; sigh!

I had my suspicions about the voice. The two seemed to be speaking different languages (symbols vs. voice).
I am suspicious that the voice loop may even possibly be my own ego, and if the two dreams are related the delinquent might possibly be my ego as well.

I have been maintaining a shield now for a few years now out of necessity, since there are a few people that I must interact with that get a little hungry at times, but I program it to be effective "against all detrimental forces" so that base should be covered too. I just did a house clearing with sage three weeks or so ago too. Seems that my cat was seeing "something" so I wanted to be sure everything was kosher.

Thanks.

[Korpo]

PS - about the original dream...

Mink is the animal whose fur is used in these expensive coats. It could mean material wealth. Call it the 50s up to the 80s "bling". Nowadays wearing real fur OTOH is seen by many people as animal cruelty, also represented by the mink. So many associations are possible - "material wealth", "flaunting yourself" (all associated with mink coats), but also "protect animals"... It is unclear what the cage denotifies, but it could go with the protection theme, or with flaunting (to be exposed in a cage).

The fish in the clear stream could mean you are to pursue "bigger fish" - clear water seems also like a wholesome symbol to me. So, "go for the bigger fish of greater clarity"?

This seems like there was a symbolic sentence unfolding. Like a rebus. Maybe I'm missing some puns in these images - I'm not a native speaker.

I think the unfolding of this symbolic message was interrupted. Do you have any ideas about these pictures yourself or associations with them?

Oliver

[Beekeeper]

First, I saw a mink (live animal) in a cage, obviously someones pet. The thing that really stands out is the detail. It was dark brown, but slightly lighter around the eyes. I have never seen a real mink, and maybe only saw a picture once in my life, but when I went to Wikkipedia to look up mink, the photo there looked exactly like what I saw in the dream! So to have a dream vision this accurate must mean that this symbol is very important.

Try free-associating. When you think of mink, do you think of fur coats or something else? What do you think of caging wild animals for pets.

Now, could the mink be a symbol for a part of yourself that is being caged? Animals are often representations of body consciousness. It may be something precious (mink’s fur) or something wild (an ego aspect) or both that you are not permitting yourself to express freely. We tend to “cage” aspects of ego we don’t accept, however, sometimes, instinctual behaviours are completely appropriate.

Then I see a clear stream, and there is this huge fish in it.

Streams can be about the flow of pure energy or life force.

It had to be 4 or more feet in length! It was a very bright shiney silver color, with large scales.

Was this a big fish in a small pond? If so, what does that expression mean to you? Does it comment on a situation in your life?

What does a silver fish mean to you? Was it swimming with or against the flow?

OK, here is the really wierd, disturbing part. After I saw the fish, I heard this dream voice (disembodied audio) that kept repeating "You are not going to survive this" over and over again. I woke up angry, and replied to the voice "survive what? Am I going to die tomorrow? In 2012? Ten years from now? Who cares!"

What makes you think the voice is referencing your physical body? Might it not be an aspect of your identity that won’t survive this? Was the voice warning you about an action you’ve been taking? You may be caging an aspect of self to the point that you’ll kill it off. This may not be desirable or it may, in fact, be some ego aspect that you’ve been trying to rid yourself of.

So my questions up to this point is why did my dream suddenly go from symbolism to this looping audio?

So that it would get your attention and be remembered. It worked. You’re meant to be exploring this for your own growth.

I thought that the higher self could only communicate through symbolism in dreams so where did the voice come from?

The Higher Self can communicate in myriad ways.

Could it have come from something other than my higher self?

It could have been your ego. You'll need to work this out for yourself.

It really doesn't fit the M.O. of my higher self to be so cold and callous about my physical death!

This is simply your perception. It’s not likely to be your physical death and it’s possibly not your Higher self. Even if it were your physical death, your Higher Self would know that you continue beyond this, just in another state, and you’ll be back to continue the work in another incarnation.

And if my higher self can communicate with plain language like that, why not just blurt out the whole message, instead of hybridizing the communication with symbols first, then plain language? There is something fishy here!

Is that what the fish symbol wanted you to think? Is there something fishy that this dream is commenting on, warning you about in your waking life? Do you need to be suspicious of a belief system?

That's not the end of the story though. Last night, before going to bed, I asked for clarification of the dream and message while visualising the mink and the fish as I saw it, hoping to upload a clear message to my higher self. I asked for more dreams to help me understand the last one. I also let it know that I was disturbed at the lack of compassion behind that message.

At 2:00 AM, I was suddenly awakened by what felt like a high voltage electric shock!

Was the shock painful? Really? I’ve had the electrical experience and I found it exhilarating. I experienced it as part of an astral projection. Maybe you were just getting back and only had partial memory of your experience. Maybe the shock is a warning. Maybe your HS is being cruel to be kind or maybe it was some type of attunement.

Now I was really upset! Why is my higher self being so abusive after I am trynig so hard to understand it's messages, now it's trying to electrocute me! Then I started in with all kinds of negative thinking that made me get too hot, and kept me up for another hour.

Heat energy is associated with anger and fear (along with lots of dynamic good things like ability to manifest in the world). Perhaps you need to meditate on water energy sometimes (I’ve been having the opposite experience – dreams telling me to ground water and Oliver suggesting fire meditation ).

After I decided that I have had enough, I was going to put on some soothing music, but I heard my cat mew, and for some reason, that influenced me to just clear my head, and just let the negativity die from lack of food, which it did. It just simply fell away. It even seemed like I touched the cosmic void slightly, before falling asleep again. Meditation - great stuff!

So where did that sudden feeling of grace come from if that electric shock were such a bad thing?

Feng shui specialists say cats are drawn to erratic energy. The mewing may well have been in response to your energy.

Then I dreamed that someone was outside in the dark, looking through my windows and stalking me. I called the police, and they sent "live in detectives" to to help me find, and arrest him.

The person “in the dark”, as far as I can tell, was you. Looking in is an act of introspection. Calling the police, is calling on your own self-regulation. This part of you is what Kurt Leland calls the Delimiter:
Delimiter: the portion of consciousness responsible for establishing, maintaining, or dismantling belief systems, or identifying and eliminating problems created by the shadow (what Charles calls shadow logic), often represented by the legal profession, government officials, judges, the police

Someone in the shadows may also be a representation of your dream shadow. Leland describes it as:
Shadow: the portion of consciousness that resists the learning required of you by the soul, often represented by a criminal type, an antagonist, a dark or sinister person, a dictator, etc.

Somewhere, I met this juvenile delinquent teenage girl. I knew that she could somehow help me catch the stalker, and I wanted to help her. I also knew that if I wasn't careful, and turned my back to her, that she could harm me.

You want to find your shadow, that is the part of you resistant to the soul’s plan for your growth, and correct it. This resistance may have begun when you were a juvenile. Presuming you’re not a girl, I’d say it’s a female/yin aspect of self that you repress because you consider it “delinquent” or because it’s gotten you into trouble, that you will need to draw on to solve this problem. You want to help yourself express this aspect of self.

I suddenly discovered that my little house became much bigger now.

Growth in consciousness.

I had multiple stories, and a fully furnished basement apartment.

Accessing that which you’ve suppressed in your subconscious because it has been unacceptable to you.

I knew that she wouldn't harm me if I let her stay in the basement because she would have everything she needs down there and she would help me solve the case. Dream logic - go figure!

No, she’s just a part of yourself that you don’t feel you can express outwardly.

Does anyone reading this see anything in the second dream that helps clarify the first dream? Can any of you "dream Detectives" help me solve this puzzling case, and help me see if/how the pieces of this puzzle fit together?

This is the best I could do. Really it’s your job now. To help yourself, try here:

http://www.kurtleland.com/content/category/3/4/128/

[Korpo]

I like BeeK's ideas.

Oliver

[Sparkwielder]

Thanks Beekeeper,

That's a great site! A lot of useful ideas in that crash course.

I tried doing the free asscociate thing he recommends, and took off running with the idea of the voice being my ego self that wants to be in control.

Animals don't belong in cages. I don't like the idea of having pets that need to be in a cage, so I could be off base with the free asscociation I came up with:

Mink:I didn't know a thing about minks before the dream, other than the fact that they are very valueble in the material world for coats, however, I assume that my higher self has a much greater knowlege pool to tap into than "little me" has. My higher self also knows that I have Google, and know how to use it! The mink is an animal which possesses a very high intelligence, and is very inquisitive. Studies show that they beat out primates in intelligence tests! These qualities are very useful, but to let a wild animal such as this have free run of your house would be a very bad thing! They have webbed feet and are adapted to living near water.

My ego self is very intelligent, very inquisitive, and loves the water (I am female, and Cancerian by the way). The ego in general is considered to be very valueable to survive in the material world. This "wild animal" can be a hindrance to personal, and spiritual growth, and should not be in control of my life. Looking at it this way, I can see that the ego shares a lot in common with the mink. Perhapse the dream is showing me that the ego is a valuble tool, we shouldn't desire to "kill it" the way a lot of spiritual traditions teach. We just need to be in control of it instead of the other way around.

Fish: When I was shown the fish in the clear stream, I think my ego sort of blew a fuse (felt threatened)! I think I was slowly waking up, and my ego self was comming on line while the image of the fish was still present. I always knew that fish were symbolic of spirituality, but I looked it up in a dream book by Betty Bethards, and she says that a fish symbolises need for meditation, spiritual food. The bigger the fish, the more meditation is needed.

Something isn't right, because my fish was perpendicular to the flow of the stream instead of aligned with it. Its head and tail were pointed at each bank. I am an angler, I know that ain't right! Perhaps I need to practice a different type? Or perhaps I have the wrong attitude, or intent behind meditation. I have been doing it, feeling like it's something I should be doing if I want to grow spiritually, rather than that it's an actual need. The reason I say "need" is because I was in the middle of doing a project the morning after this first dream. I felt myself kind of drifting into light trance, and felt a compelling urge to meditate. I didn't fight it, I stopped what I was doing, meditated for an hour, and then raised my energy M.A.P. style. I was totally fine after that, and actually enjoyed the rest of that third straight day in a row of rain! This event is part of what is influencing my interpritation.

Was the shock painful? Really? I’ve had the electrical experience and I found it exhilarating. I experienced it as part of an astral projection. Maybe you were just getting back and only had partial memory of your experience. Maybe the shock is a warning. Maybe your HS is being cruel to be kind or maybe it was some type of attunement.

It felt like high voltage; maybe 20 KV at 10 micro amps (electric fencer type power - not much) at a very short duration, call it a "micro burst"(Typical day at work for Sparkwielder ). Painful in the fraction of a second that it occurs, but when the current flow stops you are ok, just a bit shaken up. The muscle contraction was a bit more intense than a typical sleep spindle, and I heard a ZZZAP noise as it happened.

You want to find your shadow, that is the part of you resistant to the soul’s plan for your growth, and correct it. This resistance may have begun when you were a juvenile. Presuming you’re not a girl, I’d say it’s a female/yin aspect of self that you repress because you consider it “delinquent” or because it’s gotten you into trouble, that you will need to draw on to solve this problem. You want to help yourself express this aspect of self.

My teen years were the the darkest days of my life! Literally every one was against me, and I even hated myself!
I am so glad those days are over! That "shadow self" was all about hurt and anger. I don't know how I could constructively "express this aspect of self" without killing someone! (please don't take me too seriously!) I know that it expresses itself when painful memories just spontaneously pop up out of nowhere from time to time. Perhapse these memories that still haunt me is the "stalker"! So both the stalker and the delinquent represent a part of my ego that is a danger to my emotional and spiritual well being. She is the key to solving this case because she knows that stalker very well, and I know her very well. If she is that part of myself, I can't kick her out of the basement, and treat her the way the rest of the world treated her in my next lucid dream. She needs unconditional love to break the cycle. I should give her a dog like the stray I couldn't chase off my property last week. No matter what I did, it wagged its tail and tried to get into my real basement! That's a whole other, very bizarre story!

[Beekeeper]

Sparkwielder, I'm so glad your dream came to make sense to you. I hope it leads to much growth and further insights! Now, dog totems... I like dogs!

[Sparkwielder]

Sparkwielder, I'm so glad your dream came to make sense to you. I hope it leads to much growth and further insights! Now, dog totems... I like dogs!

Now I feel compelled to tell the dog story!
I purposely left it out because my posts about the dream were getting so long, but I think I left out something important, and you did ask:

So where did that sudden feeling of grace come from if that electric shock were such a bad thing?

The grace came from the dog! Let me explain:

Last week, I was on the computer, and I heard something bump into one of my windows, and then a dog yelping. I went outside and my poor cats were terrified. I grabbed a broom, and went into my screaming lunatic chase (This usually works), but all it did was cower against my house, so I kept smacking my rain gutter with the broom, which would make loud, dramatic bonk noises. The dog kept yelping in fear, and wouldn't budge. I couldn't bring myself to smack the dog with the broom. I realised I was getting nowhere, so I stopped smacking the gutter. I looked behind me and the cat was just sitting there watching all this instead of hiding! I looked at the dog and it was just sitting there wagging it's tail at me, not interested in the cat.

I walked over to the door, let my cat in (I couldn't find the others)and told my mother what was going on because she was freaking out. While I was inside the dog was barking and lunging at the door. I thought it would break the door, and my mother was screaming at me to chase the dog. I yelled back "I already tried that, you do it!" She tried, but didn't fare any better than me.

It had a name tag, so while I am fiddling with it to read the name, the dog is trying to lick my hands. I finally get to read it, and it's neighbor B's dog, so mom goes in and calls neighbor A because we don't know neighbor B. I looked into that dogs face and I could see love in its eyes. I felt really bad for being mean to it, as it seemed to have no interest in the other two cats that were now out of hiding, and spectating. Neighbor A said that neighbor B was looking for that dog all day. We go inside figuring that the guy will pick up the dog, and it started to try and break the door down again! After a while, it stopped. We figured it probably went home, and things were quiet that night.

When I looked out the door the next morning, it was still there, and tried to get in again! I ate my breakfast, and decided I was going to take the dog home myself, but when I went out it was gone! I looked everywhere and couldn't find it. Maybe the neighbor finally came and got it.

I know this sounds crazy, because it was only a dog. What's even crazier is that I became so obsessed and philosophical about it. That night when I woke up from the 'shock', had a myriad of negative thoughts, then heard the cat meow - the cue to meditate, I thought about the unconditional love of animals. That dogs face appeared in my mind while I was meditating, I saw the love in its eyes again, unconditional love - the love of god. I felt that love fill, and surround me. That's "the grace" you were wondering about Beekeeper, but you can see why I left that 'little' part out!

could have been the compressor in your fridge kicking in

Alex, I have had many good dreams spoiled by compressors in my lifetime! Ice makers too.
I think you are right, it probably was re-entry. I tried to remember if I dreamed anything since I was looking to have a clarifying dream, but it was like I awoke from a coma. No dream fragments or anything.