Downs syndrome child.

[Neil Templar]

okay, many years ago i was in a relationship with a girl, she became pregnant, and we both agreed that neither of us was ready to be parents.
she had an abortion, and it caused her much distress, and we eventually split up.

this morning i had a dream, i met her, and she had a young child with her.
it had downs syndrome.
it felt like i knew the child, and it (i'm not sure if it was a boy or girl) knew me.
i felt alot of love for this child.
we walked together thru a tree covered park area, sharing a nice time.
we sat on the grass, i was holding the child, when an old VW van full of young folk came by, we waved at them as they passed...
then we walked up a hill between some trees, following a dirt track.. on the ground i saw little figurines/statues, of various animals, i remember penguins, pandas, polar bears, elephants, all about 6 inches high.
i was concerned that any vehicle coming up the track would crush them.
just then, a horse drawn cart came into view, with folk on the back.
one of these people was a little blue-ish skinned creature, a bit like a little cherub.
as the cart went by, the blue cherub began peeing of the side of it.
i recognized it as the Manequin Piss, a famous landmark/statue in Belguim.
a fountain, with the water coming out of a little boy peeing..

the cart passed by, and we followed it for a while.
at some point the child's Mother disappeared somewhere.
i don't remember completely what happened next, but somehow, the child i was in charge of, ended up being pee'd on by the manequin piss.
the pee was going everywhere, and i shamefully took cover behind what seemed like a bus stop- a transparent glass wall. i watched as the child got covered in pee.

eventually the peeing stopped, and the child walked away, from the manequin, and from me.
i ran after the child, but it was clearly not interested, then the mother came back into view, and i felt terrible.
i started to weep uncontrollably, and confessed to the girl that i hadn't done what i should've to protect the child.

then my crying woke me up. :cry:

i'm assuming this was some repressed guilt about having aborted the baby, back when i was not more than a child myself.. or about the pain it caused the girl at the time.?

[CFTraveler]

That's what I would guess. Maybe it took for you to come to this part of your life to process this. Is there anything in your life going on now that would spark the memory? (you don't have to answer, it's for you to ask yourself).

[Korpo]

Hey, Neil.

Maybe a change of attitudes in the different symbols - the Manneken Pis is a young boy, it comes in an old horse cart (reminiscent of "old times"). The young folk goes by in a VW van (surely more a more recent transport than a horse cart), adolescents, I guess? Young adults? This is the happy, loving part of the dream. Maybe it says you could handle the whole situation now. You have grown in your capability to love. Like a comparison between past and now, harder to recognise because it is out of order.

A dirt track into the hills might symbolise that you tread towards an issue that's not easy for you to get at.

The vanishing of the mother might mean that the issues you are still having are more about the child than the mother.

The Manneken Pis might indeed mean that at the time you were too young to act "in an appropriate manner" (peeing at someone is surely "inappropriate"), but that does not necessarily mean you are to feel guilty. If the boy represents you handling the situation it could just mean that you were not grown up enough back then to be able to handle the situation. Maybe you would have had a down syndrome child with this girl. A huge task. Having a child is already quite a handfull for a couple, but any additional complication is a lot of additional responsibility, work and very hard on you. The way everything went back then might indicate this relationship was not meant to last or capable of handling the challenge, anyway.

Whatever it is, you're still hiding from the realisation, though you are at least willing to look at the issue (the glass wall). The child walked away, no matter what you did - you cannot really fi this issue anymore. You just can fix the way you feel about it.

The crying might mean you were using this dream for emotional release of the guilt, but the carryover into waking life might mean this dream could not complete that.

I hope some of this feels right to you, and I hope you can heal this old wound. It's past and cannot be changed. Guilt cannot go on forever.

(No idea about the little animal figurines. Seems like a wonderful symbol, but for what?)

Take care,
Oliver

[Korpo]

PS -

maybe the symbolism is that the old boyish self would have been a piss-poor parent to that child, but the person you are now would be up to the job?

"figurines" - figurin' something out?

Oliver

[Neil Templar]

hey thanks Oliver.
alot of that does feel right, and most of it i'd kinda figured myself.(i'm getting better at this)

one thing is for sure, i'd have been a terrible parent back then, but i never really felt any guilt about it, i knew it was the right thing to do at the time.