Palearse said;Parables, schmarables...sounds to me like you fell in love.The final piece of that puzzle was of course to fix my broken heart chakra, so the piece that I am could find its natural place within the rest of the puzzle, and plug into the love being exchanged by the puzzle itself. Not all of the fear, axiety, pain, struggle and searching has ceased yet, but as my system acclimates to a whole new way of being, I can at least say that "this is where it's at, yo."
Well, I did that too, but the love part got a lot more functional after I got all me parts fixed.Originally Posted by Tempestinateapot
Palearse said;Parables, schmarables...sounds to me like you fell in love.
Or, did your parts get fixed because you fell in love? Is it the chicken or the egg? If you fall out of love, will your parts get unfixed? Will you go back to not trusting and feeling alone? This is rhetorical, because you won't know until it happens. Love can make us feel on top of the world, feel safe, feel protected, feel a Oneness. Being a person who has fallen in and out of love many, many, many (did I say many?) times in my life, it is the acceptance (not the emotion) of Oneness that keeps my parts fixed.
I was going to edit my post after thinking more about it, but this actually underscores what I was thinking...Or, did your parts get fixed because you fell in love? Is it the chicken or the egg? If you fall out of love, will your parts get unfixed? Will you go back to not trusting and feeling alone? This is rhetorical, because you won't know until it happens. Love can make us feel on top of the world, feel safe, feel protected, feel a Oneness. Being a person who has fallen in and out of love many, many, many (did I say many?) times in my life, it is the acceptance (not the emotion) of Oneness that keeps my parts fixed.
I realized I've never liked the phrase "falling in love." That makes it sounds like something that "just happens" on its own; one day you trip and find yourself "in love." Another day you might trip again and find yourself "out of love." It may happen that way for some people, but the whole passive approach has never really been my thing. That's probably a good thing, as I don't think I'd be able to maintain a relationship based solely on the feelings it evokes when things are good, for reasons I'll explain.
In this case, I saw a strong pre-existing connection, and an opportunity, and made the decision to give my love to both of those as well as the person on the other end.
My parts got fixed largely because the person on the other end happened to be proficient in scanning for and removing etheric implants and healing energy body damage (although the hunch is that this too was no accident), and as those were discovered I was getting more proficient in self-healing and enforcing healthy and selective boundaries so the problems recurred with decreasing frequency over time.
I would technically separate "not trusting" from "feeling alone" although they're often found together. I trusted Gehenna implicitly (or I wouldn't have had her do the work on my e-body), and trusted other people to varying degrees before all this happened, but the "feeling alone" was not resolved until the work was done on my heart chakra.
Whether I "feel alone" or not seems to be largely an energetic function. There are still the rare days when I go to bed feeling super loved and connected, and wake up feeling cut off completely, even though intellectually I realize all my relationships are still intact, and thus don't react to the feeling. I'll be feeling like total hell; subjectively it feels like being collectively abandoned by the world overnight, but responding mentally as "mild annoyance" rather than "utter catastrophe" because I know it's something easily resolved. Lo and behold, something pointy and etheric is usually found lodged in my heart chakra. A quick removal and some healing from either one of us, and the fuzzy feelings return.
Likewise, my ability to feel loved and connected is not dependent on any single relationship -- it's dependent on my ability to connect to Love (the energy) itself, which in turn depends on the shape my heart chakra is in at any given time (which in turn depends on how well my SP chakra is doing *its* job). Outward feedback from other people (such as healthy and fulfilling relationships) are a reflection of my ability to connect directly into the underlying field of love energy, and mutually exchange that energy with others in various forms of expression, not the other way around.
The mileage of others may vary, but this is the understanding I've come to as I've worked to reach a position on all this that I consider healthy and functional, and it seems to be working.
Addendum!
Was reflecting more on the subject of trust, and thought it'd be useful to explore for the sake of the discussion.
Much like love, my take on that has changed a lot since getting all my chakras back into working order.
There was a time long ago, in a galaxy far far away, when my motto was "trust no one." I simply saw no good reason to do so, and so I didn't, and that was that.
Eventually as of a few years ago, I did start seeing good reasons to do so, and so I did choose to start trusting others. At that point, my trust operated on a sort of sliding scale. Everybody started out by default in roughly the same position. If someone proved trustworthy when the opportunity came up, they moved upward. Betray my trust, and they moved downward. Betray my trust repeatedly in a way that would seriously affect my quality of life if allowed to continue, and they were bumped off the scale, and out of my life, entirely. As far as I knew at the time, this was the only way to "do the whole trust thing" -- with continuous trial-and-error. Unfortunately I was attracting an abundance of the third kind of person, and didn't yet have any idea why. But I continued with the whole trust experiment mostly out of sheer stubbornness and a desire to "get it right," meanwhile taking a lot of damage.
Since I've gotten my chakras back into working order, particularly the ones up top,and my subconscious cleared of counterproductive "protocols" both implanted and self-imposed (and deliberately put in better ones of my own choosing), I've found there hasn't been much need for that scale. Some people just "feel right," others "feel wrong," and there are glaring warning signs that are pretty clearly visible even if no overt offense has been committed. I would attribute this to my subconscious taking in info through my upper chakras that the conscious mind is not necessarily aware of, and giving me the "heads up" that I've learned it's best not to ignore or second-guess. This is my understanding of the process usually referred to as "intuition." Now it's not so much a matter of "giving someone trust" vs. not, as it's a case of knowing who is trustworthy. At this point I seem to be attracting more trustworthy people that I somehow "know" are not likely to commit deliberate or repeated breaches of trust, and issues that do come up are likely to be resolvable with communication and understanding, because we were both roughly on the same page about what constitutes "healthy boundaries" and "acceptable conduct" to begin with.
But as I've already said, I've experienced love, and trust, as technically separate but usually interrelated issues.
Hmmmm, I'm a basically trusting person, and actually don't have a lot of boundary issues. Yes, I've had many instances of people betraying me, as well as times I could have been accused of betraying others. I deal with it and move on. I don't get overly caught up in making judgements about who to trust and who not to. I suppose I assume that everyone is human, everyone makes mistakes, and that things I have done, and what others have done to me, could be considered untrustworthy and may have emotionally harmed another person are all part of what we are experiencing as humans.
I guess you could say that I trust everyone and I trust no one, and so it is a moot point. They cancel each other out. I've come to a point of not judging them or myself, knowing that at this point I do not know the full measure of the damage I may have inflicted on someone else without being aware of it. So, that's what it's come down to for me...everyone is ok in my book. That doesn't mean that I hang out with the local serial killer, I'm not stupid.
"Companionship on the Path"? Yes, that does help, but as Palearse so eloquently put it, you've got to "fix your own parts" to have a healthy relationship.
TIATP... what you've said touches on forgiveness, which is another important, interrelated yet distinct concept well worth exploring in depth.
It's also yet another instance where I've found that whatever lodges in the subconscious is what's creating our experience. I've forgiven and been forgiven by a lot of people -- or so I thought -- but what I've found was that there was still what I call an internal "archive" that was holding a record of all these offenses committed by myself and others, continuing to make new records, and using them to color what I'm experiencing now... even though I decided a long time ago that my approach was to let things go, get over it, not hold grudges and so forth. So I'd make every effort to get over things, and feel like I had, but some part of me wouldn't, and unfortunately that part had a lot of influence over present and future experiences.
So, naturally, I burned down the archive and instructed Subby not to rebuild it.
In any case I don't want to make it sound like I spend a whole lot of time judging, putting people into categories, etc... the difference is that after doing the clear-out, putting in the boundaries and new parameters by which my intuition measures things against, I don't have to. If I encountered a serial killer for instance, I would probably just perceive them as "someone I should probably avoid permitting into my space in any capacity" and going on my merry way with no further thought in the matter.
In summary: cool stuff, man.
So, I don't want you to think that I'm in any way judging your journey. You seem to be reflecting and musing, and it's encouraged me to do the same. I'm merely stating my interpretation of my own journey, not so much commenting on yours.
Having said that, I would like to comment on "forgiveness". I know it's a new catchphrase that has been popularized in New Age literature, although it's origin is Biblical/New Testament. Being the expert you are, maybe you know of some further back origin.
"Forgiveness" implies that something "wrong" has been done. Since I cast off the notion that true right and wrong exist (I think they are just perceptions), I also threw out the notion that there is anything to be forgiven from. "Acceptance" implies that there is no right or wrong...no act so horrible that it can separate us from Source. Accepting doesn't mean forgiving, they are completely separate terms and definitions, at least in my mind. No, don't go getting a dictionary, 'cause it won't sway me one bit.Acceptance can be better defined in the old pop culture saying, "I'm ok, you're ok". Forgiveness says, "You're not ok, but I will try and believe that you are", or "You're not ok, but I'll move past that", or "You're not ok, but I'll bury my anger deep inside where it won't see the light of day". Acceptance says, "I'm ok, you're ok, period". Utlimately, isn't that what Source thinks? Or, is Source up there planning all kinds of punishments for our wrongdoings? No, don't talk to me about karma. (You were going to, weren't you?) I think karma has a limited existence, and may only exist for humans who actually believe in it. Don't get me started on that topic...
CTF- I agree there about "forgiveness". I have stuff I cannot forgive, because I will not condone the actions involved. "Acceptance" resonates more. It prolly is just semantics tho.
To comment on earlier points raised, as far as the whole love thing.. I dont think it is ever down to meeting any one person. In my experience people either have a giant chip on their shoulder about the other sex..or not. Meeting "a good one" just shoulders all the responsibility on that person and they end up as the ambassador for their sex! And hey..if the people involved split up, the person who had the giant chip reforms it twice as huge.
It's true, we need to heal before we can truly love; love in itself doesn't heal a damn thing if you are incapable of giving and receiving it. (/clumsy)
The laptop deleted my post! Damn! Starting from scratch..
I use your symbolic method and actually beat down or throw away thboughts that get in my way like that. Its soo wierd, becuase it works. Sometimes the feeling stays other times it doesn't. I want to follow the feeling itself to the source and get some better understanding their.Whether I "feel alone" or not seems to be largely an energetic function. There are still the rare days when I go to bed feeling super loved and connected, and wake up feeling cut off completely, even though intellectually I realize all my relationships are still intact, and thus don't react to the feeling. I'll be feeling like total hell; subjectively it feels like being collectively abandoned by the world overnight, but responding mentally as "mild annoyance" rather than "utter catastrophe" because I know it's something easily resolved. Lo and behold, something pointy and etheric is usually found lodged in my heart chakra. A quick removal and some healing from either one of us, and the fuzzy feelings return.
Love is great, I was lucky enough to be spoiled for nearly a year from an awesome lady that was very good at astral projection. I had to fix myself after she left. I think I was the clingy one. Then some of the ladies I have run across over the years have really helped me keep my balance. Although the love thing only happened once, if that is what it was. I have trouble being sure. I had a heart chakra healing thing done to me with love energy over the period of an hour and a half. I felt like superman... Seriously, that love stuff is amazing. It was like I could do anyyything!
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