advice needed on friend's suicide

[ButterflyWoman]

"Why would God make creation separate from the Creator? Why would the Supreme Being create anything outside of itself?" I thought as I sat in the mechanic shop. "Isn't one of the meanings of "Supreme Being" that It includes everything, that there is nothing that is truly separate from and outside of It?"

In that moment I knew that I was a part of the Supreme Being.

You got it.

Somewhere up "there," away from this plane, I could almost sense a radiant light. Whether it was my imagination or the "real deal" didn't matter.

Imagination is more "real" than people think, and "reality" is less real than people imagine.

And all of this is actually inside you, though it does feel like it's "out there". You'll experience this, eventually, as well.

If pain is an intoxicant, I can't even tell how much pain I'm in anymore.

Pain most definitely does have a way of cutting right through the bulls**t, if you'll pardon my language. I've spent a great deal of time "in the fire", as it were. It's painful to have this stuff burned away, no mistake, but later, when you're sitting in the ashes, you come to understand that the stuff that was burned away was not necessary and may even have been harming you.

I know it's not much comfort right now, but there you have it.

And what I'm seeing is that this event, your friend's death, has triggered a big "awakening event" in you, and part of what's happening is that a lot of your "ego stuff" (ideas, memories, thoughts, all that) is going to be brought out and burned away. It won't feel that nice. Try not to fight or struggle though, as that just makes it worse.

For what it's worth, my transformation/awakening/whatever you want to call it was triggered by the death of my grandmother. Her death wasn't even particularly unexpected, so I was surprised by how deeply it affected me, but in retrospect, I can see, that's what opened the floodgates and started the whole thing in earnest.

Many, many blessings.