From waking up to fits of tears

[abalone]

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[Beekeeper]

You need to consider diet if you wish to keep your moods in balance. Your local health store should have a naturopath who can advise you. Ask for something for depression and anxiety if you can afford it. They'll also advise on the hair loss.

Eat a good diet.

Exercise daily, whether you feel like it or not. Preferably get outside in the sun and air but, if you can't, do something anyway. Working out to cheerful, lively music is good or just dance for an hour. If finances will stretch, join a dance class or a yoga class or go for a swim. Make sure it's something you'll enjoy.

If you're not getting a lot of positive physical contact, including being touched in warm and appropriate ways, address that, even if it means offering to walk a neighbour's pet and giving it some cuddles. I'm serious.

Take care of your physical appearance. Don't let yourself feel unattractive. Wash and style your hair in a way you like, dress the way that makes you feel attractive and wear makeup if that picks you up.

If your mum spent a long time as an alcoholic she may have been responding to voices similar to those you hear or she may have picked up an entity/entities who derived vicarious pleasure from her drinking, souls who were addicted to the booze and didn't want to move on.

Take control of one aspect of your life that you can take control of and do this in a positive way. It'll help you build self-confidence for other things.

Your life isn't ruined. You're still here, reaching out for help. You're intelligent. Each change will happen a step at a time. Yours is coming, hang in there.

[ButterflyWoman]

even my friends are creeping me out, I keep wondering if they are part of the problem!

They might be. When I went through my very difficult spiritual emergence, I lost or gave up everyone I thought was a friend, with only a couple of exceptions (one of the exceptions is now my husband).

It's gotten so that I wonder if my parents are part of the problem.

I don't know about yours, but mine certainly were part of the problem for me.

My mother was alcoholic for over 20 years (we were abused), and being sober for more than a decade she also has strange physical, mental and emotional disturbances...

Probably she had the strange disturbances before, and used the alcohol as a sort of self-medication (or, more likely, a self-numbing). That's a pretty common scenario.

I'm sorry that you and your siblings were abused. I was, as well (no alcoholic mother, but one who was the child of an alcoholic and mentally ill).

she refuses to acknowledge them as being strange or out of the ordinary. She has a medical or alcholic explanation for everything.

Denial is powerful, and unless someone wants to break free of it, they won't. Ever.

I'm 28 years old and my life is ruined!

I was about that age when my life started to disintegrate and my trials and dark night of the soul and so forth really started to ramp up. It's not an uncommon pattern.

I've lost over half the volume of my hair! Every day at least 50 strands fall out. :cry:

Same thing happened to me, actually. Stress can and does have a profound effect on the body, including losing your hair. Fortunately, I have a lot of hair, so it didn't really show, and the stress took its toll in other ways that were more long-lasting (the hair did come back when the stress was finally relieved).

Optimism isn't really necessary, though it can help. The best thing you can do most of the time is turn up your collar, keep your head down, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

I also second Beekeeper's suggestions about nutrition. Stress can have a terrible effect on your body, and nutrition can help not only lessen the longterm damage, but also make you feel somewhat better in the immediate.

I'll be honest, I don't know precisely what's happening to you, or why, but to me, it does sound (and feel) very like spiritual emergence.

[abalone]

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[ButterflyWoman]

This sounds not at all unlike the shamanic journey, wherein the shaman-to-be journeys to hell (or similar region, depending on the culture) to do battle with demons or dark spirits or evil deities or whatever.

It's pretty awful to endure, but you can and will eventually triumph. That's the point of a shamanic journey.

I also think it's no coincidence that you're in your parents' house, in the presence of your abusive mother. My journey started in a similar way, though I didn't recognise it at the time. I can see now that being in her presence brought on a lot of the "demons" I had to battle (and eventually conquered).

[abalone]

Redacted

[ButterflyWoman]

Have you asked for or sought healing? Or any sort of transformation at all?

But whether or not you ask, sometimes these things are entirely spontaneous. It's not common, but it certainly happens.

[abalone]

Redacted

[CFTraveler]

Dear abalone:
In trying to respond to your post I mistakenly deleted most of it. That's the problem with having an 'edit' button right next to the 'quote' one.
Sorry about that.
My intention was to reply to the quoted part.

However:
I'm sorry that you are referring to the posters that are having long standing problems. That is why they're in the Serious Neg abuse forums. There are others, me included, that have had successes. Dan would be one of them, and a few others here too. I'm sure if they want to, they'll talk to you. In another circumstance, I'd advise for you to talk to one of them. However, if your focus is going to be on what doesn't work for some, that is the only thing you are going to find.

(I had her post open in a tab so I was able to stick the text back in there. --PH)

Thanks PH; I thought I had had a stroke and imagined the whole thing!!

[Palehorse Redivivus]

RB may have intended to create a solution, but unfortunately from what I see, hopelessness and empty superstition seems to be all that is offered. Unfortunately the way it goes for everyone seems the same.

Can't speak for anyone else, but I am to the point of feeling like I can say I've been successful. I still have my share of challenges that I'm working on, and I think anyone who is energetically sensitive will probably encounter the odd uninvited critter. But, I've gotten to where I feel like my internal space is my own, it's very rare for a deliberate intrusion to find its way in without my consent, my quality of life is way up and continuing to rise, and I no longer have the sense of being targetted and blocked at every turn in a well organized way. I've integrated at least enough of my own "stuff," and extricated myself from that which didn't originate with me, to the point that my boundaries are pretty well established and maintained. It's still a work in progress, but considering that as little as a year ago I was feeling similarly buried by this stuff, I'm pleased by where things are at now. I can say I'm no longer having to spend large amounts (or often, any) time and energy every day on the subject of neg interference and personal defense, and that was one of the major goals. Yay.

So, it is possible. And while RB's material and countermeasures have been a tremendous help, I would say that the most important thing was the intention, without counterintention, that I WILL be free to maintain my internal space, and create my experience, as I see fit. I set the goals, I was uncompromising about achieving them regardless of what was thrown at me, and I'm seeing them come to pass.

I don't mean to toot my own horn -- I'm not superman, and there was nothing I've done that you can't do. I also had a lot of help at key points -- but IMO said help was attracted by my original intention that this was getting dealt with no matter what. Meaning, success has to start with envisioning your goal, and then resolving to get there no matter what.

Once you start standing up for yourself, it is generally a given that whatever is behind the attacks will increase its resistance with the hope that you will get discouraged and back down, allowing it to further entrench itself. When it reaches that point, that's when it's time to increase your momentum and resolve, and basically force your way over the hump. I'm not one to "expect the worst," but the ramping up effect is so predictable that in this case I'd say it may be best to anticipate it so it won't be all that surprising or discouraging. Even if it's painful or disturbing, it's a good sign that you're making progress. It's also a lot harder for something to keep up that level of intensity that's sustaining itself with YOUR energy, so every hump you manage to get over, should improve things in a sustainable way.

Just something I'm throwing out for consideration -- but by abandoning all efforts to improve your situation, aren't you doing the same that you accuse others of, which is to give up and accept it as part of your experience?