I'm at my wits end

lightningbug · 10th July 2009, 10:21 PM

I've been trying this creative visualization stuff for two years now. Nothing is working, despite the fact that I believe in it. I'm at my wits end.

I really wanted to get into this art publication, the largest art publication in the US, the most important art publication in the US. I've been wanting to get into that publication for several years now. This year, I finally found an opportunity to enter. I visualized my prized painting as the cover. It got my heart pumping.

Not only I'm I not the cover, I'm not even in the book. It pisses me off. I still look at my painting angry, because I feel I was jipped. It was supposed to be the cover.

There was the other time in a dream I was told I would get a job as vet. receptionist. The next morning I was so excited when I found there was an opening. I believed it to be fate. I believed the job was mine. For months I had been searching what was the right job for me. This finally felt right. I applied. Nothing happened. Tried again at some other place. Nothing. Tried again. Nothing.

I'm putting my heart and soul into these things, but now I feel like the Universe doesn't give a damn

:cry:

It's not a good place to be, and counter productive for creative visualization.

Please tell me your stories with creative visualization/law of attraction. I need to know! I really need to know! I need to know your success and not so successful stories.

**CFTraveler** · 10th July 2009, 11:58 PM

I don't do visualization as in "think of a picture and see it". What I do is, once clearing my psyche of unwanted stuff, imagine how I feel when/after I get what I want.
For example, instead of trying to 'see' the painting you wanted on the cover, I would put myself in scenarios where people congratulate me on having had this happen and how I would feel, I would add things to this scenario by 'being in the situation' and the feelings that would come with it. Like the phonecalls from the people that saw it, phone calls from people talking about it, etc.
That's how I visualize when I do it, but I only do it after a long purging process leading up to it.

lightningbug · 14th July 2009, 04:34 AM

thanks CF! that's an interesting way of doing it. I'll definitely give it a try

lightningbug · 3rd December 2009, 05:52 PM

I don't understand what I can still be doing wrong after three years

I've asked forum members for their own personal experiences, and still no one has given me any. If you believe in Creative Visualization, then tell me why. Tell me how you have used it in your own life to know what it works, to know that it's true. With every disappointment I get it only gets harder and harder. NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING is manifesting for me. To continue now at this point just feels like being delusional.

Again, I tried to use creative visualization to win an art competition. I did everything I know of. I did affirmations. I wrote in my journal. I thanked God, as if it already happened. I was grateful, and happy, as if receiving a prize. I imagined myself receiving the winning check, having the painting be the cover of the magazine. I imagined how I would use the winning money to ease my family's financial situation, and since the competition ended in December, I even happily imagined I would have money to buy Christmas presents. I imagined loved ones with the magazine featuring my artwork. I imagined receiving emails and online comments from viewers.

I don't have any doubt with my painting either. It's my favorite painting. I spent six months on it. I believe it's my best painting to date. Just recently I met with three professors about getting a Master of the Fine Arts, and all of them seemed in agreement, it was the strongest painting in my portfolio. So I don't have any doubt with the painting.

It was a themed art competition. And months ago when I first learned of this themed art competition, I was thrilled because I believed that my painting fit into it perfectly. I missed the first entry deadline even. But to my surprise, the deadline was extended. This gave me a chance to enter, and I even felt, this wasn't just coincidence that the deadline was extended.

There were five positions with this competition. First, second, third, honorable mention 1 and honorable mention 2. I just got the results today. It's like a huge slap in the face. Nothing. Nada. Not first, not second, not third, no mention. Nor do I feel that the winning paintings is better fit to win than mine. I am not being vain here. I judge a painting against itself. There are plenty of artists that I bow down to because they are just so ♥♥♥♥ing amazing. I didn't get that impression with any of the winners. I just didn't get the impression that they are better than me. That they deserved it more than me.

So what am I doing wrong?

How do I continue from here? When after three years, nothing...nothing?

Will you or will you not tell me your stories? Do you even have a story to share? Honestly, have you actually manifested something in your life or not? People tell me they have, but then they won't share me their stories. I am telling, I am doing this on a DAILY BASIS. I am the optimist. And remain optimist, because of new scientific discoveries, that this is true. That this is real. But nothing is changing. Nothing is manifesting. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING!!

Again. Tell me your story.

**CFTraveler** · 3rd December 2009, 05:57 PM

Yes, I have, here you go.
http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-at ... on-manual/
Hmmm, there seems to be a technical difficulty with the website in which I published my method. If I can't get it (did it crash? is it down?) I'll publish it either here or somewhere else.
Someone else has it:
http://www.zimbio.com/Spirituality+and+ ... ion+Manual
Weird for me.

**Korpo** · 4th December 2009, 09:46 AM

lightningbug,

what you can manifest depends heavily on what is possible and what Spirit has in store for you. What role does Spirit want art to play in your life?

I want to play through several possible scenarios without claiming the truth or appropriateness of any of it. So please bear with me.

Doing art is creative, and can be a wonderful expression of who you are, and get you in touch with deeper aspects of being, regardless whether you ever get published or not. Maybe your soul is blocking getting you published, because it would lead you down the wrong way. That does not mean your art is any less, and not even that your art is not important to your soul, but maybe winning the competition itself is not in line with what your soul wants (at this moment of time).

All the massive amount of "manifesting" work you've done is the ego's way of saying: "I want this." Maybe it is more about what you need instead. Maybe your soul would rather you'd create "l'art pour l'art", for the sheer enjoyment of doing it. That doesn't mean you would not have an audience. Maybe an audience would be drawn sooner or later by the sheer joy expressed in your art when you do it for no other reason of expressing yourself. Instead of seeking approval, you could just go and do what suits you. Your art, regardless of what anyone else says. Many an artist compromised their art by chasing recognition.

I'm not saying this is what it is, but this is a possibility.

Then, there is also always the chance that some part of your psyche is blocking this. You might have an aspect that believes in failure. A part that believes you are not good enough. Whatever intention you have, your expectations, hopes and beliefs skew it. This changes the outcome of any manifestation process. It is widely believed that all of this is about wishful thinking and so on. But your own un- and semiconsciously held beliefs, the emotional states you find yourself in most of the time, etc., all of this might need work before your intention can actually manifest in the outcome you want.

You might say - "But I do affirmations about that, too!". But usually the biggest of our problems hide behind denial, and are not recognised. This might need some soulsearching.

You had an intent and you had action to go with it. No find out what you inside expect to happen, limiting and blocking beliefs, matters of self esteem. Work on that, there are many tools and techniques available. Then observe if the outcomes of your manifestation attempts change and in what ways. This shows you if your intention is coming through clearer without being skewed. It is important to not get depressed, disappointed, downcast or angry - or at least not to get caught up in that. Try to limit your reactions to possibly disappointing consequences, and continue your process of creation.

Ask to be guided towards what blocks this. Ask to experience what blocks this. I can almost guarantee you it is *not* an issue of technicality (like doing a ritual right or not having imagined "vividly enough"). All of this manifestation stuff is not a technicality, even though many people present it that way. Everybody creates all the time. Creating something from intent however involves way more of your being than you think. It does not stop at imagining vivid pictures. That's just a way of setting intent. The work on the inside matters more - why are your desired results blocked? You can learn about this if you want. You will learn something about yourself and this might transform you.

Oliver

lightningbug · 4th December 2009, 06:03 PM

Originally Posted by Korpo

Doing art is creative, and can be a wonderful expression of who you are, and get you in touch with deeper aspects of being, regardless whether you ever get published or not. Maybe your soul is blocking getting you published, because it would lead you down the wrong way. That does not mean your art is any less, and not even that your art is not important to your soul, but maybe winning the competition itself is not in line with what your soul wants (at this moment of time).

All the massive amount of "manifesting" work you've done is the ego's way of saying: "I want this." Maybe it is more about what you need instead. Maybe your soul would rather you'd create "l'art pour l'art", for the sheer enjoyment of doing it. That doesn't mean you would not have an audience. Maybe an audience would be drawn sooner or later by the sheer joy expressed in your art when you do it for no other reason of expressing yourself. Instead of seeking approval, you could just go and do what suits you. Your art, regardless of what anyone else says. Many an artist compromised their art by chasing recognition.

I understand your concern. But I started my soul-searching three years ago when I started taking the, what I knew back then to be the LOA, seriously. I call it Creative Visualization now. In that time, I learned a lot about myself and the role art plays for me. I found out for example, I feel ashamed to sell prints from a painting that has never been to an art show. I haven't bothered trying to mess with that feeling, instead I seek out art shows to be a part of before I even consider making money off of my paintings.

Why is the art show so important to me? Because I'm not happy with my paintings sitting around in my bedroom doing nothing, collecting dust and rotting. I've spent thousands of dollars at school because I'm not okay with just being a closet artist. I try my very hardest to not compromise my art for anything or anyone. And I have found, if something leads me to compromise, my stomach ulcer flares up again. With that said, I know I did not compromise at all with this painting. I found out about the competition after it was completed.

I want my artwork to be published because I myself enjoy published art books. It's the best medium for an artist to get recognized. And I want that recognition as much as I want to be a productive artist. I don't see anything wrong with recognition or that kind of attention. Nor do I see any conflict between it and my being. It is not the same as seeking approval. Being recognized means being loved for who you are. Seeking approval is not loving yourself enough. This is about getting out there. I have HUGE plans for my artwork. HUGE, HUGE plans that involve helping to bring back Spirit into the art industries where it's been denied.

I'm definitely one of those annoying new age hippies in that I want to help the world change, out of some crazy belief it's the only way the world will change is when we change it. I feel I have a great potentional to help create that positive change via art. Alex Grey is my hero.

I don't feel the problem is with my relationship with my art.

Then, there is also always the chance that some part of your psyche is blocking this. You might have an aspect that believes in failure. A part that believes you are not good enough. Whatever intention you have, your expectations, hopes and beliefs skew it. This changes the outcome of any manifestation process. It is widely believed that all of this is about wishful thinking and so on. But your own un- and semiconsciously held beliefs, the emotional states you find yourself in most of the time, etc., all of this might need work before your intention can actually manifest in the outcome you want.

You might say - "But I do affirmations about that, too!". But usually the biggest of our problems hide behind denial, and are not recognised. This might need some soulsearching.

You had an intent and you had action to go with it. No find out what you inside expect to happen, limiting and blocking beliefs, matters of self esteem. Work on that, there are many tools and techniques available. Then observe if the outcomes of your manifestation attempts change and in what ways. This shows you if your intention is coming through clearer without being skewed. It is important to not get depressed, disappointed, downcast or angry - or at least not to get caught up in that. Try to limit your reactions to possibly disappointing consequences, and continue your process of creation.

[/quote]

But I already 'know' of all of this. I have already tried, in my best attempts to apply this in my life. Which leaves me at a loss.

The guide that CFTraveler has posted, http://beyond-within.com/blog/law-of-at ... on-manual/, is a guide I started practicing almost TWO YEARS AGO. It's nothing new to me. This is my point.. A year after finding this guide I found Shakti Gawain's Creative Visualization book. I've read and tried to absorb it three times. And it's great that it's given me a much clearer focus than I have ever had. But still after three years nothing has manifested in my life. I feel different, but my outer life is exactly the same! And its driving me INSANE.

Tell me why you KNOW it works. Why you KNOW it's real. What is the impact it's had on your life? Right now it sounds more like people just want to believe it works, and tell other people to believe it works, even if it hasn't worked for them. I'm coming to this conclusion because after asking three times on this forum, not a single person has shared with me their personal experience with Creative Visualization to know that it works.

I want to talk to the people whom Creative Visualization has worked for them. I want to talk to the people who have manifested abundance in their life. Because it's only in these people, who have the walk to back up their talk, that I can treat as teachers. That I can ask the real nitty gritty questions of what I am doing wrong. I keep a good record of what's going in my head via my journals, dream diaries and sketchbooks. I can go all the way back to the three years ago when I started, and we can travel back in time to see my progression and miss-steps. And even the times where there are NO journal entries speak bounds. So if you KNOW, and are willing to be a teacher, I've got my poorly written class notes.

Been living with my parents for three years even though I received my bachelor's three years ago. Maybe last year I was more patient with my financial situation. I've run out of patience. I need to move out. And when I say need, I mean need in the same way as you need food. Flying the coop isn't a luxury, it's a biological evolutionary need. And I'm starting to get desperate with all of this Creative Visualization because it hasn't helped me with changing my outer life. If anything now I feel like it's hold me back, because there were soooo many jobs I didn't apply to because they weren't aligned with what I wanted to manifest in my life. Because I believed if no part of my being even wanted this crappy ♥♥♥♥ job, even if the pay is decent, then it would be impossible to even get this job.

That's about to all go out the door. Now I'm starting to feel like, I might as well just give up my life to mindless chance, just apply to any school, any job, anything, and let some magical God in the sky figure it out

I need help. And I want help. But....

I don't want your advice, and I don't want your guides. Not unless you KNOW it works because you have made it work in your life. I don't want a back-seat driver telling me how to drive. But if you KNOW it works because you have made it work, then I am all ears. I am willing to accept the mistake is mine. But I want the confidence to know that the mistake is mine. Not just believe the mistake is mine.

I wish I was psychic but I'm not. There is really only one way for me to know if someone has the experience to back up their advice, if they share something, anything, even a tiny teeny bit of that experience. So what do I have to do to hear even just a little bit of what you have successfully manifested in your life? Can anyone share with me a little about their manifesting experience, with strawberries on top and sugar hearts?

Palehorse Redivivus · 4th December 2009, 06:13 PM

I missed this thread the first time around, but Beyond Within was having technical difficulties. Is back up now (and will hopefully stay that way *shakes fist*)

Need to be off at the moment but looking forward to reading the rest of this thread...