I'm at my wits end

[Palehorse Redivivus]

Thank you so much! You seem to really understand what I'm going through! And I really love that word, sovereignty, I can just fall in love with it

Undecisiveness has been a huge battle for me. You can say there are two career paths in front of me, and I've been struggling to know which to follow. And I've just recently realized, one is closer to my heart, while the other is just more of a logical way to make money. . . . I never was a very logical person

Glad you found the ramblin' helpful.

Good call, and you might actually get something out of Steve Pavlina's blog. He's one of the most motivational guys I know, and specifically has a lot to say about "following the path with a heart" (rather than the one that seems "logically" more secure, safe, etc.). Even his latest might be helpful; he talks about setting a meaningful goal, not just by deciding what you want, but by imagining the most likely consequences of getting what you want, and consciously accepting those too.

I have found that there is not any one person, ever, that is not a sovereign entity, that it is equally so as to be insignificant. therefore, neither is one's soveriegnty up for metaphysical trade.

Just to be clear, I take "sovereignty" to mean that there is no universal authority over the Self; nobody "out there" who is inherently authorized to decide an individual's course except the individual (to be brief about it and not go into all manner of politico-spiritual theory ). There are beings of various alignments and agendas who *can* alter our course, even coercively, though ability does not = authority.

Practicality is another story. LB's mom has no inherent authority to keep her from moving out or gaining independence, for instance. However, when you've got someone who at some point set a strong intent with a lot of emotion put into it over time, and has spent years maneuvering things so that they hold all the cards, logistically, subconsciously, psychologically and so forth, then finding a way forward when it starts becoming relevant is not always so simple.

I recommended meditating or connecting with the concept and energy of sovereignty, because it will create a contrast with the energy, influences and programming that conflict with independence, and serve as a way to gain clarity about what effectively exercising one's own sovereignty actually feels like. Thoughts, actions and patterns that resonate with that energy can then be more easily recognized as something worth sticking with.

[Tutor]

I agree with what you have written in principle- but I don't call it sacrifice. I call it circulation and gratitude. The reason is simple, and it has to do with how I see the world- to me a sacrifice implies that God requires me to 'suffer' or 'give up', and I don't see it that way- it is simply trust that God will provide, for in giving I fulfill one of those 'God Given' impulses or drives. Now if I can Trust God as much as I say I should, it'll be all right. I think.

Good call...you are so right.

I agree, it isn't sacrifice in practice. yet, most would view the concept as sacrificial, and in explanation of the practice, 'sacrifice' seems to be the best word to fit. because it does go against the given conditioning that when you have, to keep it for one's self or to hoard the excess for unknown future needs.

so, it is sacrificial upfront in the concept, but in the practice it is just as you have indicated, proving itself. I worded the reply to fit the general view revealed in the thread.

Your "trusting god" is exactly what it is. but, lord help me if i'd (timotheus) have brought god into it.

to tell the truth, i sometimes go back and forth with old conditioning alarming me to my own financial security, a voice in my head telling me that I must be in control for that rainy day of my own.

one thing I was urged to do, I ended up not doing. so, even as i say that I/we practice this, it is just that...practice, and not perfection. i also feel out of sorts for having added the above reply, and had come specifically to 'delete' it. but since you have added further in the thread i will leave it. though, i feel to edit it a wee bit. it reads like i am arrogantly boasting.

[Tutor]

PR said, "Just to be clear, I take "sovereignty" to mean that there is no universal authority over the Self; nobody "out there" who is inherently authorized to decide an individual's course except the individual (to be brief about it and not go into all manner of politico-spiritual theory ). There are beings of various alignments and agendas who *can* alter our course, even coercively, though ability does not = authority."

Hey PR,

I have never seen that more beautifully worded, and in this that you've stated, 'sovereignty' is certainly not nonsense at all.

few folks though, understand it as you have uncovered it to be seen. so many identify this within the confines of spiritual ambition, not understanding that it is them always, as well as everyone always.

But, i hope you agree, that what is aligned and does have agenda applys to those 'selves' who as well are aligned with agendas just so resonating. one must ask them self whom alters and whom coerces. is it the field's authorized resonance or the 'self/authority' which reciprocally resonates to the particular field.

I feel, as you have suggested, that the authority rests in each one for them self.

i wish folk understood better what you have stated above. you've pretty much written the key that would unlock the tie that disabling binds one to abilitated alignments and agendas.

you are always a more than interesting read. yup, the hierarchy, while vastly interesting, need not apply when such maxims key the gates.

sometimes the nuances of 'busting chops' would bring from another what otherwise would not be brought. so I challenged this word "sovereignty" set loose, calling it 'utter nonsense' in hopes of the counter challenge, where either someone would reveal the nonsensical ideal of it losing the word, or someone would make sense in the word.

yet, i see it as insignificant, with consideration to whom isn't sovereign?

i can only explain that with an image. there is a painting called 'The Father'. in it he is sitting with the earth in his left hand pulled to his breast. his right hand with fingered sign pointing upward, and at his feet his crown.

thus, is our freewill by the goodwill of that crown cast to his feet, and ours with that given freewill to practice goodwill just as he, with crowns cast to our feet.

shall a father's child walk with a crowned head while the father does not. this is the challenge it seems, to give with all due respect.

[Palehorse Redivivus]

But, i hope you agree, that what is aligned and does have agenda applys to those 'selves' who as well are aligned with agendas just so resonating. one must ask them self whom alters and whom coerces. is it the field's authorized resonance or the 'self/authority' which reciprocally resonates to the particular field.

Who alters and who coerces -- IMO, pretty much whoever believes, for better or worse, correctly or not, that it's in their own best interest to do so.

As for why it happens, resonance and whatnot... I tend to think it's something like a "glitch in the system" rather than something "for our good." *splains*

There are a lot of different beings who might send someone off their current track for a variety of reasons, but most relevant here is probably the concept from Castaneda (and likely elsewhere) of Petty Tyrants -- people we end up in the position of being forced to depend on in some way, who then take advantage of their position for the purpose of control. In my experience, the PT is also an archetype that can manifest subconsciously in ways the human playing the role could not have planned (which likely gives rise to a lot of paranoia in those who aren't aware that the subconscious mind is easily capable of such).

It has been said that the "purpose" of such encounters is that we develop mind, will, patience and control of our emotions -- i.e., to outsmart the "captor" and find a way out from under their control when they and the archetype have done their best to block all options. They're also useful for learning what control feels like, and what sovereignty is *not*, so ideally one can be conscious enough to not fall into the pattern of turning around and inflicting the same on someone else.

As to the "why" though -- the PT phenomenon seems to operate in a predatory fashion not unlike the tiger in the Jungle Book who says "this kid might grow up to kill me one day, so I'll get him before he's able to defend himself." The PT archetype has not yet found an alternate way to express where it could coexist with well-exercised sovereignty, so to preserve itself, it acts like a shark who can smell the potential for personal sovereignty, and begin pre-empting it before the individual is in a position to start thinking about developing it. I've had a common experience where you get away from one PT, but its been a struggle, you've taken losses, are not at 100% in various ways, you're in the transition period -- and here comes another one to take advantage of the vulnerable situation. "The way the world works" seems more designed to support PT behavior than individual sovereignty, and in this way I think a lot of people end up in a loop of perpetually depleted financial, emotional, social (etc.) resources and options and never able to rise above the level of struggling for the basics (which makes it at best very difficult to devote one's focus to "higher" pursuits). This is not the most efficient or productive way *I* could imagine to evolve and learn, and if I could come up with a better system off the top of my head, then the universe as a whole should be more than capable. "You'd think that, wouldn't you..."

For that reason, I don't believe PT's are sent our way by some higher benevolent force as a "test" -- but rather, someone observed "well, they exist, and this is the situation, so let's find some sort of silver lining."

What I theorize may have happened was that the above pattern was great for producing life, and evolving it to be able to survive a variety of harsh conditions -- but it's not a great setup for thinking, feeling, spiritual people with diverse interests, who are hypothetically capable of picking up and directing their own evolution, to develop further without having to continue the "struggle against all odds" game. Unfortunately this reality has not quite caught onto that yet, and so there doesn't seem to be a point at which the universe says "okay you've passed the basic survival test; now I'll relent and support you in diversifying your interests a bit."

I've thought a lot about potential solutions and may have even been making some headway on this lately, but I'll leave it here for now. Thanks for the compliments.

[White_Raven]

Hi lightningbug,

I know this thread is quite old but I assume you're still interested in this issue and around somewhere.

I was fascinated by this topic because creative visualization is the central point of lessons I took from a school of mysticism and is something about which I have given much thought and energy throughout the years.

The first thing that I wanted to manifest, as part of my spiritual studies, was to have a house and a nice car. I visualized a country home with a white picket fence and driving up in a nice car. I began trying to work on this by tending to my career and setting myself up to earn more money. My ex-husband, not knowing anything about this, suddenly wanted to buy a home although we could not afford it and it was a crazy idea. Everything that was like my visualization was way too expensive. Then there was this one home that needed work, but had a beautiful yard with a white picket fence. We couldn't afford it and it was too far away so we offered an insultingly low price to the sellers to get rid of the proposition, but it was accepted to our surprise. The next thing we knew we owned the home. Shortly after that my mother decided to buy a new car and gave me her current one outright to my amazement. This was my first conscious experience of manifesting creatively.

The fact is we are already very good at creative manifestation as that is what we practice from birth without knowing it. This is why Aleister Crowley said "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law". People are often mystified as to what that statement means but all it is is an affirmation that we manifest everything in our lives based on our desires. So the whole point of creative visualization is to work with the Desire. It is an issue of what you want completely, not as someone commented, what you "need".

When I understood this law and that this is what I was doing all my life, I thought back to things I had manifested through desire without realizing it. I could remember being a very young child and wanting to be attractive, to the point where I was determined that I would be by the time I grew up. It was a strong wish with uncertain outcome but at the same time I was absolutely determined. The strange thing is that I matured before everyone else in my class and did become an attractive adult. I believe that without the desire and creative intent, I would not have been. I nurtured that and brought it out in every way I could think of. Later, I spent 10 years as a beauty consultant, having understood that physical beauty could be tapped into in many ways and I knew how to help others do this. 40 years later I can look at childhood friends who have grown up, and see that at least two of them had significant natural beauty that was completely untapped, and it was due only to lack of desire or interest in creating that.

I can also recall a situation where I was consciously working with desire and having terrible lack of success. I wanted to have a small lifting procedure done at 40 to diminish the signs of aging on my eyes. I did everything to manifest this but everyone was getting in my way and creating obstacles to achieving my goal, even blatantly trying to talk me out of it or trying to stop me from keeping the appointment. Like you, I couldn't think What I Was Doing Wrong. The answer is, nothing. But sometimes, it is hard to make desire work when other people to do not want you to achieve your desire. There may be a lot of competition. With the house and car, other people's desires were aligned with mine in such a way that they fell into my lap. With becoming more attractive as I matured, there was no one to align with either way, it was between me and myself. With the eye lift procedure, people in my life who had chosen to accept their aging without a fight desperately did not want me to take a different route. What happened however is that I persisted and got the procedure successfully done.

Let me tell you what I think happened with your visualization: it was good but you were fighting competition and other people, their desires and intentions (your parents, fellow artists, etc). If you want to get that painting published the fact that you didn't do it in one particular way shouldn't matter - because there are still so many ways left. Sometimes people can get in their own way by limiting the methods by which the desired thing may come, giving up if it does not happen by the expected way, such as through money. So stop limiting yourself by how this can happen, the point is for it to happen. You should not give up and you should be prepared to deal with other people who don't want you to achieve your desire. There will be extra effort involved there. At any rate I think that is the best of what I can share. I do hope you will return to this thread and find this post useful.